Once I say the words aloud, memories flood my mind. I remember how Angie used to challenge me on everything she had an opinion on. Obviously, my mindset has changed, and now I understand that she was raised to be a strong, independent woman.
And as I study Sage, now more than ever, I understand that she is the complete opposite of the woman Angie was. Sage is timid and frightened and knows nothing but pain. She is suppressed by those who harmed her and ruled by her fear.
I don’t want her to fear me. I want her to know she will always be kept safe with me. No matter what she does. Sage has to understand that I would rather give up my life than allow anyone to hurt her ever again.
“You hurt her then?” Sage’s sudden question pulls me back to reality, forcing the thoughts aside.
I glance at her again to find her nervously chewing her fingernail.
I shouldn’t say that I am surprised by her question, but I am, so I shake my head. “No, of course not, but the day she died, we had a fight, so I thought I would teach her a lesson for trying to overrule me and locked her in the packhouse with my Beta. She was causing quite a stir with the other she-wolves, and they were going against their mates. So, I thought if I punished her by locking her up, they would back down.”
“Did they?” she asks, raising a challenging eyebrow at me.
Guilt floods my senses and sinks into the pit of my stomach as I recall that day. “No,” I whisper and suck in a breath. “Angie was right, and then they died because of my belief that that’s how things were run. Maybe if I listened, they might have stood a chance.”
“What do you mean?” She asks curiously. It’s clear Sage is so immersed in this conversation that she won’t back down until I present the answers she seeks.
It feels weird talking about Angie, but I can see why Sage is curious about her and what sort of woman Angie used to be.
“Angie was the only girl in her family and grew up with five brothers. She was raised to be strong-minded. Strong like her brothers, She was trained and independent. She didn’t like that I wouldn’t let the she-wolves train. I didn’t think it was necessary, and Angie loved training. She came to training one morning. I told her to leave, that it was no place for she-wolves, and she, of course, refused and said she would challenge anyone who dared to tell her she wasn’t good enough. She challenged Zane.” I tell her.
“Did she win?” Sage asks, her eyes burning a little brighter. I smile at the look on her face and how obvious she is in displaying her hope about Angie’s victory. And fuck, I really like the eagerness in her eyes.
“Yes, barely, but she had a point to prove, and she proved it. I still think Zane let her win because he liked her. He really liked that she challenged me.”
A slow grin spreads across her lips, almost as if she was in awe. “Wow,” she whispers softly. “I think… I might have liked her too.”
Warmth spreads through me with her words. I like the thought of one mate approving of another, but I press on with the rest of the story. “My father predicted an uprising, but he welcomed it, claiming that times had changed and that many of the pack’s elders were outdated. But when the other she-wolves started challenging their mates and refusing their chores, wanting to work and train like the men, it caused many issues, so I was stuck. I had my men wanting me to refuse them. My father wanted me to do as Angie asked, and I was mad, so I locked her up for causing trouble.”
A lump forms in my throat as I remind myself yet again that I am the sole cause of everything that happened that day. It is my fault that my men lost their mates, that I lost mine.
Once again, I force my mind to focus on Sage and distract myself by telling the remaining story, “My father hated how the pack was run. He said we should note the way other packs ran things. To be honest, we ran it by the old system because many of the pack members were older, and that’s how they liked things. My father disagreed, but it kept the peace. When I locked her up, I told my pack members that there would be punishment for causing trouble within the pack, no matter what status. I locked her up to stop the protests. While I visited my sister, I was planning on sorting out training for the pack women when I got back.” I whisper the last part.
For some reason, I feel like a massive weight falls off my shoulders. I’m not quite sure why, but perhaps all those bullshit talks about the need to be honest and open aren’t as much mindless bullshit as I thought.
“So you were going to agree?” Sage asks, and I nod.
“I thought I would handle it when I got home. I would let her start training the women, to give her something to do, but I never got that chance.”
Sage moves closer. And while the closeness makes me feel a little better, she hesitates and still keeps a bit of distance between us. Like she doesn’t know whether to comfort me or slap me for my stupidity.
“I came home to find all our women dead, our children, and the elders. If only I had trained our women to be warriors all along, they would have fought back, but all they could do was run. My father was basically the only one at the pack with training besides my Beta and Angie. They never stood a chance.” I close my eyes, refusing to allow the memories to come back in flashes.