*Kat’s POV
It’s too bright.
That was my first thought to the rays of sunlight flashing at my eyes making me wake up. Okay stop flashing your rays at me, I am not a damn celebrity to suffer it. Yet. I will be one, one day where thousands of cameras will be flashing at me.
Gosh these stupid daydreams of mine. Is it only me who daydreams like these? But like usual I can’t smile at those thoughts, for some reasons I knew but at the same time didn’t know. The reasons I knew was the guilt I get from not telling Ryder the truth that’s haunting me. But something tells me there is something way beyond that.
I turn to the other side to check on Ryder but he was not on the bed. The way his side is cold lets me know that he has been awaken for a long time.
It’s weird. He sleeps way more than me. Most of the times, it was me who wakes him up to get to work though Raven used to tell he used to sleep way less before we got back together again, and that now he is using up those times he skipped sleeping.
I checked the time to know it was just 8 am. There’s one more hour before either of us has to go to work. Our work time used to be at 7 or at most 8am. But since he is the CEO and the work, I do is very flexible we extended the time we get to work.
I freshened myself up and had my hair in a ponytail before I went to choose a dress to wear to work. I thought to wear a white blazer with black top and blue jeans to work today since I have to meet up with a client later in the afternoon.
Since I am almost done with Ryder’s project I decided to take up on other projects as well just to get a start soon after I am done with his project.
I kept my hair open and decided to wear just a lip-gloss and nothing else since I was in no mood to do makeup. Looking quite impressed with myself I headed down to get something to eat.
I haltered in my step when I saw Ryder underdressed for his work with his messy hair and yesterday night’s top and pants with his forehead in his one hand and the other turning his cup of coffee around. From the fact that there is no steam coming out of the cup I understood that either he had drunk his coffee or that his coffee had turned cold. But the latter was proved to be true when he accidently spilled the content on the table when he was still playing with the cup.
The atmosphere was too thick that I felt suffocated the more I walked towards him. Both Aunt J’s and Ryder’s whole posture was stiff. When I sat on the stool next to him, his whole body got more stiffened if that was possible. Maybe it was just my thinking from the guilt that keeps haunting me. Aunt J gave me a tightened smile when she handed my pancakes with chocolate syrup and strawberries on top. My favourite.
Yet I felt no appetite to eat it. The more I stared at it the more I felt like to vomit. The bad feeling, I had when I woke up, got even worse just when I made it better by wearing my favourite choice of dress. Blazer was always something I loved to wear. It gave me a confidence when I needed it to do something. And now it suffocated me to no end.
I felt hot even though the air was chilly. I removed my jacket and hanged it on the chair. Feeling no appetite, I pushed the plate aside and turned to face Ryder.
The more I stared at him the more I felt guilty for not telling him what I knew he should know. Deciding it was now or never I went to put my hand on his shoulder to which he tensed and pushed my hand away.
Ouch. That hurt more than, if he had slapped me.
Finally, after what felt like hours but was just few minutes, he turned to face me. I gasped seeing his red-shot and cold yet emotionless eyes.
Now he was every inch of what people and newspaper told me he was in those 3 years.
“What happened?” I asked, afraid from the answer I am going to hear from him.
He releases a sigh and rubs his eyes and turned to me. My eyes widened from how eyes changed from cold emotionless to love and something I can’t pinpoint. Maybe I am imagining again.
I got to tell him the truth before the guilt makes me insane.
He turns around and drinks the cold coffee he hates so much, yet shows no emotions on his face when he drinks the one thing he hates to his core.
“I had a call last night saying how my company is suffering loses from an unknown company. I had spent the entire night on that and yet found no clue as to who it is. My guess is BlackJack co. behind it. Though I can’t be sure without any evidence.” He replies to my earlier asked question.
The moment he mentioned BlackJack it took everything in me to not run to the toilet to throw up the bile raising in my throat.
I think it’s the horrifying guilt again that makes me think when he said the company name, he looked at me with a calculating eye. But before I could confirm it whatever was shone in his eyes disappeared and was replaced with tiredness.
“What happened love? You look very pale. Is everything alright?” He asks concerningly brushing the hair away from my face. I managed to give him a small smile and shook my head.
“I am alright just feeling teeny tiny bit dizziness. I think it must be from not having anything to eat. You know how my body revolts when I don’t eat anything.” I chuckled. Or at least trying to.
Usually, Ryder used to laugh at my attempt at corny jokes to not make me feel bad when I laugh at my own jokes, but now he just sits straight looking at the kitchen wall with no emotion in his eyes.
I am too into my mind to try to avoid showing the guilt in my eyes to not realize Ryder looking at me. Ryder nudged me with his thighs to look up. And that’s when I realized he had asked me something. Way to go in faking this thing.
“Sorry I didn’t hear you. I was trying to keep my bile down.” I spoke. Though it was true it was said for the wrong reason.