I didn’t realise how much I craved intimacy until I met him. But I guess some people can really take you by surprise, their presence alone your eternal weakness.
Waking up to him, his light snores, his mouth slightly open, his hair floppy on his head, warmed my heart in a way that I didn’t think was possible with a guy like him. I took a few seconds to simply look up and admire his face, and how peaceful he looked asleep. But then I moved a little, and it caused him to lazily open an eye, then the other, and stare back down at me with a smile.
“Morning,” I giggle, and run my fingers through the mess that was his hair in an attempt to brush it off his forehead, but loose strands would fall back down.
I was incredibly sore, even through the night. I knew losing my virginity wasn’t going to be the most pleasing experience, but I was glad that he was gentle with me. Though there was no emotional connection between us, our sex was fuelled with passion, and over time, it only got better, because I grew more and more comfortable in my body, and less anxious for pains.
It became pure bliss.
“Are you -” he starts, as he looks down at the thin sheets covering my lower half.
“I’m okay,” I reassure him, and go to plant a peck on his parted lips.
We lay in silence for a little longer, and his hand goes to cup my breast through the shirt.
His tattoo.
“Why did you get this?” I ask, my curiosity getting the best of me, as always.
“It seemed like a good idea at the time,” he shrugs, and goes to squeeze tighter.
I yelp, before continuing, “oh, so you regret it then?”
“No,” he chuckles, and looks down at me with an infectious smile, “it’s just become a part of me now.”
“Well, I like it.”
“Is that so?” He flips me under, and pins me down to the bed as he hovers over me.
“Yeah,” I giggle, and try to break free of his hold, but he doesn’t budge. I stare up into those brilliant green eyes, and find myself lost in them all over again.
After a momentary tease, he lets me up again and we return to the cuddle position we had been in before.
“Dove?”
“Hm?”
“I went back to England that night because, I hadn’t seen my mum in a while, and it was time I visited her.”
Where was this going?
He sighs, before continuing, “but then I found out that she was seeing my dad.”
“What?”
“Yeah, like she was sneaking him in at night and stuff. I got angry with the both of them because -”
“Because they’re divorced?”
“Yeah, that’s part of it.”
He huffs, perhaps trying to cope with the anger rising within him now just by talking about it, and I decide not to push it any further.
I don’t say anything else for a short while after, and just nod in understanding and kiss him lightly again.
“Theo?”
“Yeah?”
Here it was – I owed it to him, not because he had shared his own problems with me just now, but because if he hadn’t shown up at that party, who knows what would’ve happened.
“I was at that party because -”
“No, Dove. You don’t need to tell me.”
“No, but I want to. When I came back from my parents’, I went to the apartment. It was trashed,” my voice cracks a little, but I need to finish, “and Sam had been drinking. He uh, he threatened to sell the apartment if I ever -”
“Did he put his fucking hands on you?”
“Sort of – but Theo, he didn’t hurt me. Well he did, but it wasn’t serious. He just grabbed my wrist a little too hard.”
He scoffs and throws his head back on the pillow, annoyed.
“Well anyway, after that I had to leave, but I didn’t have anywhere to go, so I went back to the frat house.”
He’s pissed I could tell, but it wasn’t his job to protect me. He knew this, so he dropped it.
But I wish he hadn’t.
He grazed my lips with his softly, the kiss lingering for a second or two, but not deepening.
I could get used to this.
Wait, no.
No.
This wasn’t something I could ever think about, not like that. I was still in a relationship with Sam, and as long as this didn’t blow up in my face, nothing would change.
But it did end up blowing in my face.
I reach over to the nightstand and make the decision to turn on my phone – it was time.
For five days, I have had it off, cutting all contact with Lilian, my parents, or Sam.
Sam.
As the screen clears I see that he has only left me one voicemail, which was unusual for him, because given our situation I expected a lot more. Before I go to click it, I also notice that there were no missed calls or texts from anyone else – he must’ve told his parents to not reach out to me while he was over, and my mum must’ve still felt guilty about our fight on Christmas.
As she should’ve.
Theo gets out of bed and goes to put some gym shorts on, and I simply stare for a second and take in the sight before me, images of last night flashing through my mind.
“I’ll make breakfast,” he announces, and I nod before closing the door to the bedroom after him, so that I could play Sam’s voicemail.
“Hey, Dove. I’m driving back to campus on New Years, and I think we should talk. I’m so sorry for what happened, and this week has been so hard for me, to have to spend it without you. I know you can’t forgive me, but I want us to move past this. I hope you know that I didn’t mean anything I said the last time I saw you – I was intoxicated, and I wasn’t thinking straight. I wouldn’t sell the apartment, I could never do that to you. Please come back, I miss you.”
And I missed him too.