His touches did do wicked things to me, yes. But it soon became more than that. I simply just craved being close to him in the annoying and clingy kind of way, but it was truthfully what I most desired. I realise it sounds foolish, and borderline obsessive, but that’s the thing about addictions.
They take you to a place of insanity, whereby you’re thriving off the crazy ways in which you find yourself needing them.
He slid his palm down flat against my stomach, applying light pressure, as his eyes burned into mine. It felt so good I thought I was going to crack – this overwhelming need of desire was something I knew even then that I couldn’t get used to. When he reached the hem of my simple cotton panties, he suddenly stopped his movements, and I tilt my head slightly to look at his hand on my body.
“Don’t stop,” I practically begged, and his lips turned into a slight smile before he looked down.
“I’m not. I just want to make sure you’re okay with this.”
“I know I shouldn’t be, but I am. Right now, in this moment, I don’t want anything else.”
“Anything else but what, Dove?”
This boy loved to hear me admit to how much I craved him, because I think it inspired that many more ideas of how he could go about pleasing me in this way.
“You,” I simply replied, and his eyes turn almost black at my otherwise very brave, and very bold statement.
But it was nothing short of the absolute truth.
I think I wouldn’t have minded going all the way with him even then, but the little dignity I had left reminded me not to take such a big step, so soon.
His fingers torturously drew small circles over the fabric, and my mouth opened in awe as I watched him work. This was a much better experience than my own, when I had tried to do this on myself. I had no idea what I was doing – and my mind only wanted to focus on him. Now, he was right before me, doing this himself – and so, I really could just turn my mind off, and not have to imagine him in my head, when I could simply reach up and kiss him, touch him, hold him.
He had become my reality after countless failed attempts at a fantasy.
“Are you okay?” He whispered, and when I nodded my head up and down in desperation, he didn’t hesitate to slip them under. I was slightly aware of the fact that my underwear was nothing special, and over time, he had reminded me time and time again that he didn’t care for fancy undergarments. I ended up surprising him however, but that’s a part of this story I’ll hold onto for now, just a little longer.
“Theo,” I whimpered, as he sped up ever so slightly, and I cupped his cheeks in both my hands as way to be closer to him. I leaned up in a passionate kiss, soon turned messy and sloppy.
But that was us.
Messy didn’t even begin to describe the relationship he and I had.
And it reflected in the way in which we most longed for each other.
“You couldn’t quite get there when you did it, could you?” He hummed against my lips, before moving to trail kisses all along my exposed jaw, then tugging at the hem of my sweatshirt slightly with his free hand to expose my chest, and place warm kisses there too.
“I….”
“What was that, Dove?” He whispered in between sucking lightly at the skin on my neck and chest, his movements growing unmethodical now in combination with my wetness.
“I’m not answering that,” I manage to choke out, his grin growing evidently larger as he kept wringing these words out of me, the words he needed to keep going, and to finish it off.
“I’m going to -”
“I know. Let go, Dove.” His thumb brushes ever so gently over my sex, and that’s all it takes for me to lose the last bit of control I had over my body, slipping away into a trance-like state that felt as if it had lasted for hours.
I feel him collapse onto his back next to me, before bringing his fingers up to his lips.
“What are you doing?” I ask, after bringing my breathing back to normal and composing myself somewhat.
“What am I doing?” He smirks, and sucks on his fingers, his eyes fluttering closed in unison.
“You’re disgusting,” I giggle.
“I just gave you your first orgasm, and that’s the first thing you have to say to me?”
I feel his body vibrate with soft laughter beside mine, and I turn slightly and slap him playfully across his chest.
We lay there in silence for a while, allowing the cold floor to cool us off after such a heated moment.
“We should probably get going, before we get arrested,” he joked, and I jumped to my feet, still laughing at how unserious he was being about this whole rooftop situation.
“It’s dark…” I remark, looking up at the sky worriedly. He must’ve sensed my sudden change in mood, because he then asked,
“Do you want me to walk you home?”
“Um, no you don’t have to. It’s okay, I’ll just …”
“Come on, Dove. It’s late and you shouldn’t be walking home alone at this time.”
Another smile crept onto my face as we made our way down the fire escape at the back of the building.
“You’re being awfully chivalrous today, considering how rude you usually are.”
“I wouldn’t call me fingering you on the library rooftop chivalrous,” another playful swat, and this time I think I got him pretty hard, “but sure. And I’m not rude, you’re just sensitive.”
“So I see we’re back to old Theo,” I pout, and he chuckles.
But I think either way, I was more than okay with both. Just as long as I at least got one.