I wasn’t afraid to try new things with him, even though some of the stuff we did together was completely outside of my boundaries. But those experiences stuck with me the most – that was the thing with Theo, he broke down those boundaries, and showed me a world in which nothing was ever too taboo, if it meant you were truly enjoying yourself.
I didn’t sleep well that night, even though I slept much better than I would’ve if I stayed with Sam – the pain of his rejection didn’t fade into the morning, and I woke up to my alarm, feeling drained and not ready to face the consequences of last night. I knew that I pushed him too hard, but I also knew that we were on a nervous clock, and each minute that we wasted in not trying to take our relationship to the next step added on to my frustration, until I finally broke.
And my frustration sadly cost us our love.
“Turn it off!” Lilian whined, and I laughed as I stood from the bed and made my way over to hers, smacking her repeatedly with my pillow in an effort to wake her up. She was never one to wake up at an appropriate time, even during the school week, and her GPA was less than miserable, but somehow I still had hope that she’d pass the year – not that she cared much if she was made to repeat I don’t think, because it meant she got an extra year of freedom and reckless partying, which she certainly wouldn’t mind.
“Come on, Lil,” I demanded, continuing to hit her gently with the pillow, “I’ve got to get back to the apartment, and you need to get in the habit of waking up at a normal time.”
“Only Dove Addison would consider six in the morning a normal waking time, on weekends nonetheless,” she giggles, and buries her head deeper into her pillow, rolling over slightly.
“Actually, it’s nine in the morning.”
“It’s nine in the morning,” she mocks, emphasising every other syllable until I pull the blinds open and she almost cries.
“Are you sure you’re ready to go back to Sam? You know I don’t mind you staying here for a few days, right?”
“I can’t stay here a few days, Lil. He’s my boyfriend and we live together now. I can’t exactly run away from my problems.”
This was ironic, because I was already running away from my problems – my problems with Sam, my problems with Theo. It seemed like all I ever did those days was run away when things would get complicated, instead of talking through them. But I knew Sam wouldn’t listen to a thing I’d have to say when he was in such moods, and Theo, well – that boy didn’t seem like the kind you’d want to question and challenge his temper. And so in the end, it really was just easier to run away.
“Okay, but you call me if anything else happens. And you’re welcome to come here anytime. Did you keep the other key?”
At this I look down at my feet, slightly embarrassed that I thought to get rid of it so quickly after I moved out. It’s like my mind was reflexively trying to rid itself of all the difficult memories gathered over a month’s time in this dorm room.
“Um… no. But I know where to find you,” I look at her with a half judgemental and half mocking tone, and she rolls over in laughter in the bed.
“Sam’s here.”
What?
“Isn’t that his car?” She continues, as she looks out of the window, her view being the closest car park to the building of dorms.
“Yeah, it is. I didn’t tell him to come pick me up this morning,” I admit, and watch intently as he gets out of his car and starts walking towards the building’s reception.
Lilian shrugs, “I guess he really missed you last night.”
Despite the simplicity of her statement, it made me feel bad that I didn’t think twice about how the situation last night must’ve affected Sam, after I made the decision to just get up and leave.
Minutes later there’s a knock at the door, and I feel my body tense, despite knowing exactly who it was. Lilian waves her hand in a gesture as if to tell me to go answer it as she makes her way to the bathroom.
“Hey, I’m really sorry about everything that happened last night and I -” Sam begins to ramble on, his cheeks red and his breathing rapid, but I hold a finger up to his lips to stop him.
“No, Sam. I’m the one who should be apologising. I missed you,” I simply state, and go to kiss his cheek to relieve his nerves.
“I missed you too,” he smiles, and wraps his arms around me in a hug.
“Get a room you two!” Lilian shouts from behind the bathroom door, then opens it and realising what she had said, mumbles a quick “sorry,” before running a brush through her bed hair.
Yeah, our relationship was fucked up. You couldn’t even make a simple joke about it, without it seeming offensive. We did have a room to ourselves – a whole apartment actually, but the privacy that came with it was not at all being put to use.
“So we’re good?” Sam breaks the awkward silence, and I nod my head in response.
“Okay, good. I have news.”
Whenever he said this, it never ended well, and this time was no exception. I gesture for him to sit down on my bed, looking at him intently and expecting the worst. Lilian shot me a quizzical look from the mirror, and I shrugged in response.
“How do you feel about going to see our parents this weekend for thanksgiving?”
What. The. Fuck.
“I-”
“Your mum won’t stop with all the ambiguous quotes on Facebook, Dove! It’s literally driving the whole group chat insane!”
Lilian doesn’t even try to conceal her amusement as she bursts into a fit of uncontrollable laughter, holding on to her stomach tightly.
“Sam, I don’t know if-”
“Samuel, could you give Dove and I a minute?”
He simply blinks a couple times in surprise, but agrees and goes to wait outside, shutting the door behind him.
“Dove, I think you should go.”
“Are you insane? You don’t know my parents!”
“Dove, listen to me. It’s thanksgiving weekend, no one will be on campus. You’re going to complain more if you stay here.”
“But-”
“Trust me. It’s only two days, what’s the worst that can happen? Besides, Sam seems to be treading quite lightly around you this morning. There’s no reason to start another argument, and usually the topic of parents creates one.”
She was right – I didn’t want to start another argument. And whilst the idea of visiting my parents didn’t sit right with me at all, I knew deep down that I had to agree to this.
So, I guess we were driving down to my parents’ for the weekend.
Home sweet home.