The first time the two of them spoke, I noticed immediately how their clashing personalities were at war with one another. How never in a million lifetimes, even without me present at the centre of their conflict, they would ever be able to stand one another or breathe the same air in a shared room. I couldn’t help but think how I managed to fall for both, when they were completely different people.
I guess I underestimated how far my range really extended under such desperate measures.
The group fell silent as the scene before them continued to unfold, despite neither one of us speaking a word for a while. I felt the tears brimming my eyes as I stared up at a betrayed Sam, the Sam who knew absolutely everything and anything about me, standing there as the only person who was unaware of my choices these past few weeks amongst a group of strangers who knew them all.
“Sam, I can explain, please. Can we just go back home and talk about this?” My voice cracked, and the light from the fire beside us seem to dim and brighten again, mirroring my mixed emotions in that moment.
“I don’t believe this,” he shakes his head a few times, before staring at me one more time, picking his jacket up off the bench and walking towards the campus car park away from me.
I stood frozen for what felt like hours – playing and replaying the conversation over in my head , until Lilian’s shout of my name brought me back to reality, and my feet reflexively carried me quickly away from the crowd, and towards the privacy of the fencing; I needed to get away from the public humiliation.
I speed-walked and didn’t stop. I had to get away from them. Away from him. I couldn’t believe the nerve he had to degrade me in such way – one day he saves my life, then the next he completely destroys it. And for what reason? Was it purely comical to him to see me so distressed? Was it jealousy, and perhaps him knowing that he’ll never experience a loving relationship like mine and Sam’s, that led him to want to break it apart? So many questions flooded my mind as I neared the fencing, but I failed in coming up with even one answer.
Until I feel a strong hand grasp my shoulder, and am abruptly turned around to face my biggest regret.
“Why the hell did you do that? Tell me, what have I ever done to you to make you hate me so much? Why me?” I screamed at him, spitting out all my rage I withheld for him in that moment. He had been holding on to my wrist tightly, almost too tightly, that it was beginning to hurt. I tried to untangle myself from his grasp, but he was too strong – and with my energy drained, my tactics were faulting.
“He deserved to know,” he simply shrugged, and brushed off my previous eruption at him like it was nothing.
He held on to my wrist still, but after noticing the panic that filled my eyes as I stared down at our arms between us, he released it at once, allowing me to create some space between us.
“I’m sorry,” he murmurs, looking down with regret after realising what he had just done.
“I hate you! I fucking hate you, Theo! Ever since I’ve met you I’ve experienced nothing but trouble! I’ve fought with my boyfriend over -”
“Yeah, your boyfriend seems like a real charmer,” he smirks, and my hands fist up either side of my body. Before I’m throwing them up in the air like a lunatic.
“Don’t you get it! You’re becoming a problem!”
“I am? How so?” He presses, stepping closer to me again.
“Because you’re involving yourself in matters that don’t concern you! Matters that are personal, that should remain between Sam and I! When will you ever stop?”
I’m breathless at this point, but I couldn’t stop, I just had to keep going, to let him know just how much he irritated me.
“You make me feel uncomfortable at the party! You then save my life, and decide to invest yourself into my relationship issues, then you and Yasmine-”
“Am I making you feel uncomfortable right now?” He closes the space between us, and backs me up against the fencing. His scent is intoxicating – I could recognise his distinct cologne anywhere. And his breath hot on my neck, as he leaned in so close that his lips were almost touching it, hovering invitingly just above the sensitive skin.
“Yes! You always do! Not to mention how harshly you dismiss me whenever she is around!”
I can’t bring myself to look into his eyes, or I’ll break. I’m full on sobbing at this point, again unsure of what the initial reason was anymore. He tended to have this effect on me, feeding into my uncertainty.
“Are you jealous, Dove?” He smirks, and leans in closer to place a chilling kiss to my neck. His lips were so incredibly soft against my skin, as they left a small bead of moisture in their wake, before hovering once again over the surface.
“N-no. Get off me!” I snap, and bring myself to shove him away from my body, before staring into his eyes.
“You’re lying.” He simply replies, and steps towards me once again.
I didn’t know whether it was the fact that he looked so achingly hot in this moment, or if the sexual frustration I had been feeling in that second finally caught up to me. But I watched his every move intently as he closed off the space between us once again, this time not backing me up against the fencing completely, simply standing there, his tall frame hovering over me. His lips wet after his tongue reached out to wet them once, those damned eyes staring at my own lips. His pupils dilated, filled only with pure lust and desire. My mind was racing, but one thing was crystal clear to me:
I needed to feel his lips on mine, just once.