A sudden pang strikes my chest and I place my palm over my beating heart to ease the tension of my heartbeat.
Taking slow steps back inside, the gate is shut close and locked behind me. The crowd offers me their smiles of farewell and quickly begin to disperse back to the comfort of their homes. I take a slow deep shaky breath, cloudiness erupting in the base of my chest for somehow it feels lonely.
I had never for a second felt lonely in this pack for I had my females, I had Elriam and I had… Deimos. I still have my females, I still have Elriam but he is missing. How did he manage to surpass all others?
I had always been fine on my own but then he paved his way like a sudden storm that bounds you to the power and beauty of its thunder and lightning. It gets harder with each day my fight dissolving yet my deliverance of his sin, I find it to be the hardest of all.
Something in my heart stirs and one of my cherished memories of him sparks to life. The day he showed me his cabin he built growing up. I thought I knew him inside out yet there always seems to be that wall between us I cannot break down. That blindness that we cannot escape.
Closing my eyes trying to fight my new thoughts that wish to take over my senses and actions. “I do not think that is a good idea.” I whisper to myself yet my mind does not pay heed to my own words. Quite amusing it truly is.
Cursing for not having the will to fight me I turn swiftly heading towards a parked car. The pack has several vehicles in their possession but there is only one dedicated for Deimos’s private use.
Getting into the driver seat I start the engine. I did learn to drive back in my prior pack rather I drove myself everywhere. Yet after I had come here there was no need to.
Rolling down the windows allowing the breeze to swim throughout the car I indulge in the feelings of tranquillity it gives me.
I do not know why I feel pulled to go to that place now and all of a sudden. But perhaps to relive it. Perhaps to somehow go back in time.
The drive is quite short for it isn’t far from the castle. Gazing at the familiar yet distant hills I smile to myself. I remember how the beats of my heart picked up and I held my breath. I bet he was nervous as well but didn’t show it.
Parking near the cabin my hands clutch the steering wheel tighter. I am anxious yet a part of me is excited to be here. As if I were the long last lover who had finally returned to comfort the one who was forgotten. This cabin I want to make it a safe haven for Kal just as it was to Deimos but when my male grows to become a juvenile. I want it to be a place he can always come to, a place he would call his.
Striding down the stone path I chuckle to myself my palm held over my beating heart. Feels like the first time somehow and nervousness floods me.
My eyes wander around the area and I finally get a good look at the cabin. Deimos has indeed built it excellently no wonder he could do Kal’s crib with perfection. I wonder if he did it himself or if our wolves helped him. The roof needs to be fixed and the door needs a slight polish.
Opening the door has me thinking I need to get a new handle as well. It has lost its colour and looks rusty. Not a good sign. Perhaps I can call on my wolves with Deimos’s permission of course for this cabin is something he holds close to his heart.
I am quite sure he would allow it for it is for his male. And maybe he could help in drawing up some plans and we- “Deimos?” I question my eyes widening as I stand still at the doorway my breath caught in my throat.
He bounds Kal to his chest in his left hand whilst his right stirs the dish cooking upon the stove. Soft music plays in the background and he halts to my voice eyes stuck on me sweeping down my flesh, a deep frown paints his face as if he is pondering over if I am real or a fragment of his hallucination.
“What are you doing here?” I question not making a move to get inside. Why are we both here? At the same place. I came here to relax yet why must he be here as well? Is this why I was called here? Was this the secret doing of our bond?
“Spending time with Kal.” He replies to my question that pulls him back from his haze. He doesn’t say anymore going back to his cooking tearing his eyes off me. He acts though as his interest lies elsewhere rather than his female who stands in front of him. Is this his truth or is this an act? Is this because of my words to him? Because I said I hated him?
Clearing my throat several questions slip past my lips. “Do you come here often? How come I did not see any cars out? What about Kal, how did you bring him?”
“Yes. Only with Kal for I keep getting disturbed in our pack when my time comes for me to spend with him. I park my car elsewhere and walk here so my male can enjoy the freshness of nature. I have a special seat for pups installed in my passenger seat.” He speaks merely to answer my questions not saying anything else whilst turning the stove off eyes still away from me.
“Right. I see. This… this is your private time with him. I shall leave now.” I give a curt nod whispering my words to him. With a final glance at my male who calls for his father’s attention with his coos and moans, I turn around swiftly prepared to leave. I shall perhaps come her another time. What did I even come here for?
“Stay.” He speaks from behind me halting my movements. I swallow visibly turning my hands into fists my back still turned to him.
“I have some matters to attend to.” I lie straight through my teeth.
“You must learn to lie better, mate. You came all the way here and it would make you feel empty to leave just like that. Stay.” He mutters.
I swiftly turn around words of disapproval patiently waiting to be thrown at him. Yet when my eyes find his flesh as he sips on the dish he cooked from the large wooden spoon for a taste I am swayed.
I look around the cabin, the low ceilings, lamps that make the room livelier, the warm kitchen light that lights up the counter and finally the two males present that shine brighter to me than the sun. This is what I wanted, this was the dream I fought hard for.
My eyes stray down to the door block that sort of pushes me to make a decision. I can choose to take a step forward or a step back. It has been almost four months since he and I have been together alone in one room.