“I-I didn’t mean for this to happen. I am angry, I am hurt. My soul is bleeding. Tell me what I should do? Tell me what I can do?” I plead with him, tears streaming down my cheeks as I bite my lower trembling lip to hold my sobs that wish to break free.
He nudges his face into the side of my neck and lays there calmly whilst I pour my uncontrollable emotions to him. “I cannot live without him and I cannot live with him. I am bound, this bond is unmerciful towards me. He knew this… he knew this and he… he-” A loud sob breaks free from the cage and I wail.
His presence brings me comfort. His presence brings me warmth, and I feel as though my emotions are sucked up by him setting me free leaving me with nothing but inner peace. His fangs sink into my wrist as a sign of reclaim. As a sign of whom I belong to. I’ve always wanted to feel that comfort of belongingness.
My wrist bleeds and his tongue licks it up healing the fresh gushing wound. I watch his mark and another stranded tear makes its cold path down my face. He licks that as well not allowing my eyes to tear up making sure they are dry. He does not want me to cry, he cannot bear it.
He rolls upon the ground showing me his belly paws tucked by his chest tongue hanging down the side of his mouth whilst he pants. A position to make me laugh, a playful position and it indeed works for I do laugh wiping away my tears with the heels of my palms.
“I do not want to play, I want to rest. I wish to have a peaceful sleep.” I whisper crawling towards him I lie on the ground to his side thrusting my face into his fur. His tail surrounds me as a shade and he pushes himself to me providing me with warmth.
I snuggle into him my eyes fluttering close listening to the rhythm of his heartbeat trying to match with mine. For once in a long time, I believe that I shall sleep peacefully knowing I am truly loved and protected.
Fingertips slowly make their way up and down my hair. I indulge in the feeling that it provides, lulling me back into slumber. The sparks that pepper my skin with kisses awaken me. Not swiftly but slowly for my mind still hasn’t awoken from the haze.
I hum smiling snuggling closer into the warmth. A beautiful comforting warmth, I feel as though I am home. The scent welcomes me with open arms as if I were its long lost lover. I want to feel the heat of flesh, with closed eyes I lift the shirt that acts as a barrier and thrust my face into it my cheek placed on the body.
A gasp, rather a moan is let out. Not by me but whom I lie upon. The first strike of confusion hits. Sniffing the flesh trying to get a hint of a scent that hesitates to come to truth. I feel lips on my wrist a gentle wetness it leaves, and I frown. The second strike of confusion hits.
Taking a deep breath I squint my eyes open to get a look at the wolf. Who was I with? Oh yes, Deimos’s wolf. Wait then that means that he is- As my blurriness dies I face a stomach and chest for I am covered by a shirt.
Frowning removing the shirt from around my head my eyes meet Deimos’s. He peers down at me gently followed by a soothing smile.
“Did you sleep well, my female?” He questions. My eyes broaden and I look over our position. His back leaned over a tree, his fingers in my hair and my head over his lap. What have I done?
I get up swiftly pushing myself away from him creating as much distance as possible. I was too carefree. I let him have his way with me. Disgust boils in the base of my throat.
“My female?” He questions with a frown getting up to stand like me. Confusion strikes him as he takes a step forward.
“Get away from me! Do not dare to take another step towards me.” I begin to pace. “Why was I sleeping on your lap, Deimos?” I question anger rising. I am so quick to anger when it comes to him.
“My wolf, he spent his time with you so he gave me back control. You were sleeping peacefully and I did not wish to wake you up.” He replies.
“Where is Kal?” I query.
“With Elriam. I had him for a while then at one point I couldn’t control my wolf anymore, he tore through his leash when I lessened my grip on it. He followed your scent, I couldn’t stop him.” He explains.
“How long?” I spit.
“What?”
“How long was I on your flesh Deimos?” I ask.
“Why must you put it that way?” He takes a step back with a shake of his head for my words are full of disgust and contempt.
“You took advantage, my shield was down so you took it as a chance to touch me.” I declare.
“That was not the case! I told you so. And what if that was the case, you are my female. I yearn to touch you.” His voice raises both of us getting agitated.
“No, I am not your female. I thought I made that clear. This will never happen again, I will make sure of that.” I speak to myself rather than to him.
“This will happen again and I will make sure of that.” He fights me. His words irk me. Irk me down to the pit of my rotten heart.
My outrage surges above all emotions, above every thought and every action. Clenching my jaw my eyes blazing in the pit of hell I spit the words one must never do so to their mate despite how much pain they bring forth.
“I hate you.”
The anger in his eyes disappears quickly as it came replaced by an emotion I am unable to determine. He takes a slow stumbling step back with a deep shaky breath. The entirety of his being trembles. My words have stung like none other, it has broken him down.
He sways as though he would pass out any moment, the shield of his mind quickly put up in place. He does not want me to see him bleed from within and which might make me regret my words. He wants me to hold them for he believes it is my truth and I must stand by it.
“You have… you have never understood me. Truly. You have never seen my soul, that every action I do is for you. And I do not blame you, who could understand me when I am afraid to be understood. I have not understood you either. In plenty of ways more than one. And that is all my fault, my burden and that is what caused this.” He whispers eyes looking at the calm water behind me.
I look away from him my thoughts wavering. His words hold the truth to them and they shine brightly blinding me.
“Hate.” He chuckles, a bleeding chuckle. “That is a word I was taught to never say to my female. It holds more meaning that any word in this world. I thought… that we could somehow get past this that I could earn your forgiveness. But hate I did not expect that for now I truly know how you feel, about me.”
Perhaps I took it too far. I was angry, he irked me. He pushed me and that is not a good thing to do in the midst of my fury.
“I was not born to be loved, my female. I was born to be alone for every action of mine, every word has caused you pain and suffering. And your hate… I shall accept it.”
A soft curse leaves my lips. I did not mean for this to happen.
“I do not know how long I can keep doing it but I shall keep doing so till my very last breath, even if you cannot see it. Even if it means I must hide it from you for your protection and now Kal’s.” He says.
“Doing what, Deimos.” I question with a frown.
“Setting fires to keep you warm, mate.” He whispers and with one last gut-wrenching glance at me he walks away. He walks away for the very first time. I have defeated him.