My heart pounds within the barrier of my rib cage. I pace around the room rubbing my palms together to calm my beating heart. I pause for a second standing still peering out the window scanning the grass floor only to sigh and begin pacing again.
Deep annoyance dwells within me. Why must I feel this way? Why must he have such an effect on me despite me doing everything I can to set sail further away from him?
The introduction ceremony takes place today. I couldn’t prolong it any further for it has already become too late and the pack wishes to greet my male. I did not wish to anger the elders further than I had with the death of the female of sin so I agreed to finish the formality today.
I glance back at the clock, Deimos should be here any minute now and that meeting scares me. Different emotions are at war within me. Anxiety, Excitement, Nervousness but also curiosity. What would he say? Would he offer me that gentle welcoming smile as always or would he try to touch me first? If he did his fingers would be cut before they could touch my flesh.
Kal is wide awake his mouth open with awe of the mobile that hangs over his crib. The tiny teddy bears rotate slowly whilst he swings his gloved hands and socked feet wishing to touch it. Being two months old now he is more aware of his surroundings and he is eager to look at different colours and objects. The tiny house we live in is half filled with gifts the wolves bring him.
Mostly toys yet also cute outfits for summer, fur for winter and handmade blankets. The crib he lies on was handmade by Deimos. He worked with the builders for three weeks to build it from scratch from assembly to the final smoothening of the wood. It was his personal gift to his male.
I had watched Deimos during the three weeks he worked hard. He didn’t need to do so yet he did. He had several sketches he drew despite his lack of creativity. If he felt a part of it was unsafe or unfit for his male he would break it apart and restart it building all over again. He wanted it to be perfect until Kal grows out of it.
He would look at me sometimes whilst he was working or taking a break going over his sketches as I sat on the bench. His eyes would peek up at me from beneath those blessed thick lashes yearning to meet with mine. I would look away swiftly when it happened. I brought Kal to see Deimos all the time when he was making the crib so perhaps Kal could begin to feel what an amazing father he possesses. And I knew Deimos was grateful for what I did.
Once he was done for the day and the builders went home I would get up immediately and rush back to the house before Deimos could catch me. I wonder who the true coward is? Him or me?
My fingertips slide past the three names carved into the smooth wood. Lumina. Deimos. Kal. It looks breathtaking, no pup has a crib as such and it has become a product of envy among new mothers.
A soft knock upon the door breaks me away from my thoughts. He is here. Bending down picking up the little one I wrap him in a soft velvet blanket. Once he settles I pull open the door to meet a freshly showered Deimos. His stubble has grown into a small beard his hair pushed back whilst his soft eyes regard me.
“My female.” He greets. A smile on his lips that never fails to appear when his eyes land on mine.
“Deimos.” I give him a nod as a reply. Taking a slow deep breath I pass Kal into his arms being careful with to not touch Deimos’s flesh. My flesh aches to be touched, to be held the bond between us sizzling but I shall not be swayed.
He takes his male slowly making sure his fingertips meet my aching skin. Allowing a gasp to leave my lips I look up at him swiftly as he meets my glare with his burning ones. His eyes are serious and aflame as hey mould into mine as one. He sends me a message. I cannot escape his touch. I am his and he is mine.
A flash of fang is sent his way that he pays no heed to, acting as though my protests are that of a growing pup. Pushing Kal into the warmth of his chest. A warmth that I terribly miss but also do not want. He makes sure the blanket is fastened securely around his male scanning the excited pup.
Deimos bends down nudging Kal’s cheek with his nose sniffing his flesh taking in his scent. “Good morning, my male. Did you sleep well?” He questions softly. Kal immediately coos making low noises with his throat replying to his father. Deimos allows a short loud laugh to pass his lips to his pup’s antics.
My male reaches for Deimos’s beard and begins to pull gently a small frown on his face unsure of what it is he is touching. Deimos nips playfully at Kal’s hands in return. My male startles flinching his eyes wide and begins to bawl shrieking thinking he has been hurt.
“Oh no. Oh no. I’m sorry, my male. I’m sorry. Your father was merely playing little one.” Deimos coos whispering in our pup’s right ear. His tongue darts out to lick Kal’s fingers he nipped consoling him whilst swaying him to calm his cries.
My male calms after a while his face red hands balled into tiny fists. Deimos kisses him all over. His cheeks, his nose, his lips and his neck whilst making low deep playful noises from the base of his throat. Kal’s lips curve at the sides as he shows his father his toothless mouth with a wide smile whilst speaking a pup’s language to Deimos.
Deimos’s eyes widen swiftly and he swallows visibly as if he couldn’t believe what had just happened. His hands tremble his eyes suddenly wet with the emotions that flood him from within. He takes deep breaths trying to digest what had happened.
“He… he smiled at me. My male smiled at me.” Deimos whispers with a soft hidden chuckle. “Did you see that, Lumina? Has he done this before?” His excited warm eyes lift to meet mine and I look away. I still can’t. I still cannot look into his eyes properly. I keep dodging them for I know if I looked deep as he did I would see his soul. I am not ready for it at all.
Clearing my throat I answer him. “Yes. Yes, he has done that before.” I reply.
His eyes drown in sudden disappointment perhaps that he wasn’t able to witness it with me first.