Turning around slowly I face him. I have two choices here. I can lie or show my truth. “W-What?” I ask him.
Clenching his jaw, eyes upon my closed fist hiding behind my back. “Don’t make me repeat myself. Open your hand.” He says.
Placing the glass of water upon the counter my stubbornness surging forward. “I do not wish to.” I say looking for a way to gulp it down. Time is ticking and I cannot waste any longer.
A snarl leaves his lips as he grabs my wrist with a crushing force banging me upon the counter. I fight him with every strength I have left and he overtakes me quickly. “Fuck the water.” I whisper and thrust the pill into my mouth.
His eyes widen as he pushes his finger into my mouth making me gag. I begin to choke, my nails sinking into the flesh of his wrist scratching pushing him to let me go. But he doesn’t and keeps searching within my mouth until he gets ahold of the pill before it could slide down my throat.
My chest heaves and I refuse to look at him. He analyzes the pill frowning confused as to what it is. “What the fuck is this?” He questions. He doesn’t know whether to be concerned or furious. My answer shall guide him.
I can see the wheels turning within his head, his mind trying to deny his accusations. He wishes to know but he also doesn’t in fear of the answer. Without another glance, he rushes into the bedroom. His are strides deep as his heel pounds the floor harshly with his fury.
I can feel the anxiety radiating from him in waves, such an uncomfortable feeling. In a few seconds, he returns with my handbag. As soon as he is near, he empties the contents upon the kitchen counter. I allow him to. I cannot fight the truth.
His fingers swipe through the contents until he finds the empty pill strip. He winces trying to read the label. With shaking hands, he struggles to find calmness. His eyes widen as soon as the label registers in his mind.
His hands shake further that he cannot seem to even hold the strip anymore as it falls to the ground. Tears well in my eyes as soon as he removes his barrier of the mind and I can read him like an open book.
“We usually provide this to our females who were raped. Am… am I raping you, Lumina?” He asks of his misunderstanding keeping his eyes forward not even glancing at me.
I shake my head as tears fall down my cheeks. I cannot face him. Shuffling closer to him trying to place my palm upon his flesh, he slaps it away not allowing me to do so. I can see the quiver of his lips, the heaves of his chest, and the tremble of his entire being.
“Why?” He asks. I cannot seem to answer him and I only do so by my whimpers. He eyes the strip upon the floor and finally looks at me to meet my eyes. “Where is the other pill, Lumina?” He questions.
I look down at my feet as silent tears fall. “I see.” He says voice calm and collected yet I can feel the destruction I have done to him surging within.
“I-I h-had to.” I whimper.
“Did anyone force you, Lumina?” He asks and I flinch to his tone quickly shaking my head in denial. “Then you didn’t have to.”
“I d-did it for u-us.” I stutter hard unable to speak properly for his thoughts become mine. I want him to understand why I did it.
He doesn’t meet my eyes again. “You knew I would not be able to help it but fill you with my seed so you came prepared, yes?” Another arrow to my heart and his.
“I-It is not like that, my male.” I whisper. I want to hold him, to comfort him and explain but I cannot seem to, the guilt eating me out.
Clenching his fist trying to reign in the emotions that demand control. He takes a small step backward away from my warmth and I take a step forward bringing him back. “No I was wrong, I made you do this. I wasn’t clear enough with you.” He faces hate towards himself and disappointment towards me.
“Please.” I beg but I do not know the reason why I am doing so.
“Do you know what would have happened if you swallowed the second one, Lumina? We might not have been able to have a pup for the coming years.” He whispers taking another step back.
“Deimos.” I whimper trying to get closer to him as he takes steps backward.
“Let’s pray that the first pill you have taken doesn’t harm your body. I am going to take a shower.” He whispers turning around heading inside as I slide down to the ground sobbing my heart out.
My heart hurts, the pain of his and mine together as one. I can feel it. Doubt consumes me, it isn’t mine but his. I can feel his barriers rising once more blocking me completely from his thoughts. Why couldn’t I just open my mouth and explain?
With small steps, I walk towards the bedroom my wolf providing her strength to carry my worn-out body. As soon as the bed comes into view I throw myself upon it curling into a ball afraid of what destruction my decision would bring within us.
Picking up the phone I call Elriam. I need help. She picks up after the first ring. “Alpha? Is everything alright?” She questions tone on the edge of concern. Clamping my palm across my mouth I try to hide my sobs.
“I-I did s-something. I think he hates me now.” I whisper.
“He can never hate you no matter what you do. You are his female, Alpha.” She replies calmly trying to calm my fear. The only male I ever talk to her about is my male and she knows this.
“I took it.” I say quickly like a clean strike of a sword. No hesitation with her.
“Took what?” She asks not understanding what it is I am saying.
“I-I took a birth pill.” I say. A sudden gasp of surprise and silence follows for she doesn’t speak a while registering my words in her mind.
“Oh goddess, what have you done Alpha?” She says as her voice begins to shake.
“I thought it was the best solution. I was wrong, it harmed the both of us.” I reply controlling my emotions.
“How many did you take?” She questions.