“My Lumina.” He says softly sliding his thumb across my cheekbone.
“Your self-control surprises me,” I say.
“It surprises me too.” He replies with a smile.
“Then why won’t you have me? My next heat will be even more painful. It will be harder for both of us.” I move closer to him placing my palm upon his chest as he shivers to my touch. The bond sparking to life. “Why are we torturing ourselves? Are we not mates?”
“We already had this discussion, Lumina. I don’t want to be forced into it by the heat I want it to happen on its own.” He says holding my hand is his. He always ends this question with the same words about how I would end up feeling. I will not end this until I get my answer today.
“You speak as if you have never been between a female’s legs! I should be the one to say this. I am the one who has to feel the pain of the next heat! You should have done your duty as my mate.” I say frustrated. Anger seeping as it ruffles Deimos up. I am scared of the pain my next heat will bring but I will not tell him.
“Yes I am no saint but I am your first! If I took you that day you would have felt more pain of me fucking you. You might have screamed for me to stop but I would have still taken you over and over. Is that how you want your first time to go? Fucking without thoughts or words? Our minds clouded with lust and pleasure?” He replies with his anger rising to the surface.
I look away from him. If I open my mouth I will spew words I would regret. My anger is burning at the moment I need to calm down. Why is he overthinking this? I just want to mark him to finally claim his as mine. Why must I fight for everything in my life?
“And what if I took you that night, what if I couldn’t control it and came inside you? Are you ready for a pup Lumina? Are we ready?” He continues hitting me with his questions which seems so right but somehow wrong to me.
I finally look into his eyes and see his truth. He had it perfectly hidden covered under a dark blanket. But now that his emotions are running about the blanket has been lifted slightly and I finally see it. How could I have been blind? Why didn’t I see this before?
“You lie,” I say.
“What?” He asks frowning.
“You lie! Perhaps these are reasons but it is not the key reason.” I tell him head held high showing I have found him out.
Deimos takes a deep breath closing his eyes trying to reign in his frustration. “You are afraid.” Is all I say as Deimos’s eyes snap open and stare deep into mine.
“You are afraid of marking me. Of feeling me completely. You are afraid of my soul Deimos.” I show him his truth as he swipes through his hair looking away not meeting my eyes. I am right.
I close my eyes in fear of the answer he might give me to question I am about to ask him. I feel the tension vibrating between us. Deimos wants nothing but to put an end to this conversation or perhaps this argument.
“Do… you love me, my male?” I ask him softly as his breath hitches in his throat.
Deimos clenches his jaw tightly as his fists shake. He doesn’t wish to answer I see. I don’t want to force him. I don’t need words he has shown me with his actions. Tears come forth once more and I shut my eyes close. I just thought that… maybe just maybe he might… I was wrong is all I can think.
I don’t meet his eyes and all I do is a nod to show him I understand. “You don’t understand, Lumina.” He says his voice low as if he is in pain. He brings his fists up towards his chest as he beats harshly upon it. “You don’t understand my fear! How it feels when you lose the ones you love. I shall never take that risk again. I would rather us be like this than sink into our depths.”
As tears flow down my cheeks the pain in his eyes seems to increase. “I care about the present more Deimos. You are my male, mine! My future is you. I have every right to your heart and you to mine. How much longer will you fight me? How much longer will you fight what we can have, what we should have?” I scream my pain to him as he fights his wolf.
Eyes shift from green to black over and over again. Canines elongating as a deep growl rumbles from within his chest. His wolf seeping through with an urge to protect. Not me but him.
“Lumina, please.” Is all he says. His shoulders shake with the weight he holds at the moment. Has he always been carrying this weight? Hiding it away from sight putting up a front of his strength while he was breaking inside.
I feel his pain, his fight against himself. He is fighting against his heart. His mind and heart are at war. So I will not hold it against him. “Deimos, come here,” I say my voice gentle as if speaking to a pup. As I touch him his eyes filled with pain meet mine and his wolf tears through the skin.
He wasn’t able to handle the pain so his wolf tore through to provide strength just as mine did before. He whines softly sniffing my calves up to my thighs to my hips. With a lick to my hand, he runs off into the trees deep and away from my sight.
We both seem to be at different points right now. He pushes me away and runs while I pull him back to me. I understand him but his truth still strikes my soul deep making it bleed.
How much longer will he run until I tire and finally choose to let him go?