Lately, I’ve been feeling something so often. It’s a warm feeling that strikes right at my heart and flows through every part of me. It’s so overwhelming that sometimes it brings tears to my eyes. It doesn’t come and go like with Deimos. It stays and continues to daylight.
I don’t know how long it has been since I have left Deimos’s pack. I haven’t been counting nor worrying about it. How could I when Cronus never lets me? Every time he senses a change in my expression or my emotions he directly kills it with his jokes or with something surprising. He is every female’s dream in terms of a mate. His female will be very lucky to have him.
I have learnt a lot about Cronus’s pack as well. They resemble their Alpha. They welcomed me with open arms not judging me by neither my past nor present. The entire pack the males, females and the pups have helped me so much, often making me laugh and making me try out new things. Their rules and traditions are completely different from Deimos’s pack. More relaxed and easygoing.
The pack has been preparing all week. Putting up lights, decorating. The excitement from the unmated wolves saturates the air. The females have been preparing an enormous amount of food while the males are often out hunting. And Cronus has been busy with the preparations.
Apparently, Cronus’s pack holds something known as The Lantern Festival each year. Unfortunately, I don’t know the meaning of it. But Cronus promised he would explain it to me today.
“Alpha.” A female calls out to me as I turn around and look at her. Cronus’s pack call me Alpha and not Luna. They respect my title and say no matter what I am an Alpha and that will not change, strengthening my pride. “Alpha not there please put them inside the warehouse.” She tells me as I nod.
Walking inside the warehouse I place the basket of lanterns into its designated shelf. I have been taking part in helping the pack with the preparations as well. I want to take part in their excitement. It feels like a family.
As I look at the whole picture I realize the effort made by the pack. The shelves are filled and some overflowing. This is more than the number of wolves in the pack. Why are there so many?
As I exit the warehouse my eyes find Cronus as he hands a flower to a pup. She giggles and twirls in her tiny dress as he chuckles and ruffles her hair. As his attention turns to me I clear my throat and look away.
“Luna.” He says as he walks towards me with his gentle smile as always. “How are you today?” He asks me as I stretch.
“Very good, thank you. I’ve been helping out with the lantern baskets.” I reply with a smile looking back at the warehouse.
“Do you like it here?” He asks me hesitantly to which I frown.
“Of course! I love it here! It’s peaceful and welcoming. It is everything I have wanted.” I smile at him as he hears my truth. “Cronus, speaking of the lanterns I was wondering-” As I begin to question him Cronus cuts me off.
“Luna, Deimos has been calling.” He tells me to which I look away. “Everyday.” He tells me once more.
“That has nothing to do with me,” I tell him, my voice stern and strong.
Cronus sighs as he combs his hair with his fingers. “Luna, he wishes to speak to you that’s all. I think it is right that you at least hear him out.” Cronus tells me gently as my anger seeps to the brim.
“What? That is absolutely absurd! Why must I when-” I am cut off once more with the ring of Cronus’s phone.
“Speak of the devil and he doth appear.” Cronus sighs as he picks up the phone. “Deimos.” Cronus greets me as he looks at me.
I clench my jaw. Yes, I miss him. Yes, he is my male and yes I wish to hear his voice. I think about him as I lay awake on my bed during cold nights yet I cannot seem to find it in me to just… speak to him.
“She is right in front of me.” The second Cronus tells those words my face snaps to him.
I fist my hands as they begin to shake and I speak in a loud voice. Loud enough so Deimos can hear on the other side.
“I do not wish to speak to him! I do not wish to see him. I do not wish to do anything with a liar and a cheat. I am happy here and so will I remain. I will stay here till the day I die!”
I scream the words out and walk away from the situation fuming. Not at him but me. I am a hypocrite. I let anger get the best of me and said the opposite of what I actually wanted to.
Climbing the small green hill I sit upon the soft blanket of grass, my arms hugging my knees my hair covering my face. Why must I go through all this? Why cannot things just be easy for me just once? Is that so hard to come true? I quietly question the moon goddess pouring out the pain of my heart.
I hear footsteps coming towards me as the wolf shuffles around and finally sits by my side. As I look to my side I see Cronus tilting his head.
“Hi.” He says.
“Hi,” I whisper.
“You are upset,” Cronus tells me gently to which I softly sigh.
“I am trying not to be. I don’t like this feeling. I want to always be happy. Sometimes I wonder if I am asking for too much.” I tell him looking up at the sky.
“No, you are not, Luna. I understand Deimos is hard to deal with. Well, that’s mainly due to his past. He has always been this way. A heart protected by strong walls. Life did that to him and he thought that’s how life will be. But then you come along and land right into his circle surprising him. I think he just doesn’t know how to deal with it.” Cronus explains to me.
“Deal with what?” I ask him frowning.
“How you make him feel,” Cronus replies with a smile.
“He feels nothing for me, Cronus,” I tell him shaking my head.
“He does. He definitely does. A lot.” Cronus whispers holding my hand.
“What about you? What about your feelings?” I ask him remembering his confession to me a few months ago.
“I still have them. And since you are present here in my pack they overflow thinking about how wonderful it would be if you were mine but I bury those feelings. Because no relationship can ever win over a bond created by destiny.” He says as a smile filled with sadness takes over his face and my heart clenches.
“Maybe it can. Perhaps with time, I can learn to lov-.” I try explaining my views as he holds and clenches my hand softly.