My vocal cords healed. It’s been two days since I had the ultrasound done and Reseda has been doing everything to make sure I was healing as much as I could.
Withdrawal symptoms started to hit me from the insulin shots, I know they were bad for me, but a part of me got addicted to it. Benlyam didn’t like that and I didn’t either but I couldn’t help it. Eating was hard but I forced myself to eat at least one whole meal a day.
Do it for the triplets, not myself. Even if it made me feel sick.
I also learned that whatever I didn’t eat, Benlyam ate. When I looked at him like he was insane, he said that he always did it. That explained why the chefs always took my meals when I didn’t finish. They were giving the rest to him, Alpha orders.
Benlyam stayed in the room, doing his work here. He didn’t really bother me and I was thankful because I was skittish without Sage. I felt like there was something missing in me, and I knew it was Sage. It couldn’t have been the bond because Benlyam stayed with me.
I also slept for the majority of the day. I was sleeping off the pain medications. I was also a lot more tired without Sage.
My least favorite part of my day is when Reseda would treat my wounds. Whenever she’d let them breathe, I’d fall into a black void.
My eyes would lock on his name. I didn’t want anyone to see it. I promised myself I would cover it for the rest of my life. I always started crying.
One time, I tried to stop the tears but I ended up having a panic attack.
Benlyam took over for Reseda but that didn’t help because my years of torture crashed on me. I thrashed and kicked for him to step away.
I saw Benlyam almost break that day.
He was beyond hurt that I didn’t want him by me, I didn’t want him to help me, I didn’t want him to go near my stomach. I hurt him. He stood completely still, utterly stunned when I told him to ‘get the fuck away from me.’ He didn’t know how to react.
I think he was possibly shocked that I cussed at him. Either way, he was deeply hurt. His eyes were glossy when he saw I was shielding my bump like he wouldn’t hesitate to rip it away from me. Reseda left shortly after she calmed me down and he just bit his lip, walking into the bathroom.
He came out and his blue eyes seemed a lot brighter. We didn’t speak to each other for the rest of the day.
But, my voice was feeling better today.
Which means it was time for Benlyam and me to talk. I finished eating the jello cup and turned to him. I pulled my legs up and winced when my sore ankles hit each other. Benlyam glanced over at me at the sound and saw my look towards him.
“Violet, I never touched you. Stop looking at me like that,” he spoke softly as he looked back down at the paper in front of him.
“A-and you s-said we h-had to t-talk a-about it,” I told him. I tried my hardest to keep my words in check. I fixed my stutter around him before, I wanted to keep it how it was so he wouldn’t look down on me. But trauma is trauma and a speech impediment is a speech impediment.
He turned back towards me and nodded, putting down his pen. He crossed his legs and looked at me. “Alright. As I said countless times, I never touched you, honey.” Benlyam spoke slowly so I would understand what he was saying. He wanted me to listen to every word.
I shook my head and he frowned at me. I pulled down the blankets and lifted my gown up to my waist so he could see the bandages on my hips, peeking down under my underwear.
“Yes. S-see? You d-did that!” I declared as I pointed.
He closed his eyes for a second. “No, Violet. I can assure you I didn’t. He did. He-”
“N-no!” I cut him off. No, Benlyam did. I felt it. I saw it. It was hazy but I saw it.
Even if it was blurred…
“Violet, let me talk and explain it, okay? Then you can say your input and whatnot,” he sighed and rubbed his temple. “He drugged you with a stimulant that is like the human version of ‘Molly’ but much stronger, and he proceeded to um,” he swallowed and blinked, growling, “rape you. While you were under the influence, you were responding to his actions by voicing terms you said while we had some moments.”
My face got heated and I glanced down and he snapped for my attention.
“Don’t feel embarrassed, it wasn’t your fault. You were drugged,” I swallowed, feeling my chest tighten. “He picked up on what those terms were short for and got angry that his plan backfired. He took it out on you.” He had a disgusted look on his face as he finished.
That would explain why I couldn’t piece it all together clearly. I kept my glare on him as I tried to process everything. My brows furrowed.
“D-don’t you h-have a t-tape?” I asked. He immediately shook his head, foreseeing what I was going to question.
“No. You’re not watching it, Violet. That’s final.” His voice was completely serious, he wasn’t leaving room for arguing.
“B-but if it a-already h-happened-”
“Violet. No. This isn’t up for debate. You’re not mentally or emotionally stable right now to even process what I’m telling you. You aren’t watching those tapes. Not now, not ever. I don’t care,” he shook his head.
I frowned, I’ll ask another time. Even if I was truly scared to see it.
“I’m s-stable…” I muttered, “how do I k-know you’re n-not lying?” I quizzed and crossed my bruised arms.
“How persistent…” he muttered under his breath, “Violet, these,” he held up his hand as his nails grew to claws in less than a second, “don’t compare to those marks. If I were to do that, and I promise you, I never would, it would tear off a lot more than skin.” I saw him frown, eyebrows knitting together as the words left his lips.
I was left with nothing else to say. I just shook my head and looked down at my growing baby bump. My hand subconsciously rubbed circles on it.
“I’m s-sorry I s-snapped a-” I stopped halfway as a new thought entered my mind. Benlyam waited for me to finish my thought but instead, I glared at him, outraged.
“What t-took you s-so long?” I demanded.