I woke up with a start. My eyes flew open and I was sweating. The room I was in was excessively white. It seemed familiar. Some pieces of furniture looked like they had a white veil over them.
Hospital furniture.
I furrowed my brows as my hand went to my stomach. I glanced at my arms, they had white needles sticking out of them, but that wasn’t the strange part. There was a yellow luciform outline.
Something was so off but so familiar. I pulled the covers back and pulled myself out of bed, the white hospital dress split. I stared as the gown wavered and then fell back in bed, attached to my body.
I gasped as I backed up. I was still lying in bed, well, another me. An unconscious me.
Wait, I’ve been here before. Right?
“Selene?” I asked out loud. I looked around but I didn’t see anything.
… Was I actually dead? Was this the afterlife?…
I felt light-headed as I cradled my belly. No. I didn’t want this. Not now.
I couldn’t help as my knees buckled and I sank to the floor. It was so cold. A sob left my lips as I slid my hands up the gown for direct contact.
“No…” I cried. Through my teary eyes, I looked back up at my body on the hospital bed. “You stupid fucking slut!” I yelled at my corpse. I was livid.
I pulled myself up and stalked towards the bed.
“Could you be anymore weak?” I screamed, I didn’t care about my tone, I had a bone to pick. My corpse just laid there, eyes closed, still. I don’t know what I was on to think she’d respond. But I’m glad she couldn’t, I had so much I needed to let out.
“What is your fucking problem? Huh?” My eyes stung and one hand left my stomach to clench into a fist. “You were fucking pregnant! Did that mean anything to you?”
Silence. I was fueled by it.
“You could’ve done something with your life! You went through how much? And- and now that there is something worth living for, you fucking leave!” My throat constricted the way it did before I cried. “The hell is wrong with you?” I sobbed as my legs wobbled.
I closed my eyes for a second to calm myself- I was far from being done. “You got fucking branded! You put up with that? You got raped countless times! I fucking forgot how many! And that wasn’t enough? You had to wait until I had something I loved?” I screamed.
I felt like a toddler, throwing a tantrum because I was denied a piece of candy.
Well, I wanted a toddler! I wanted my baby! I selfishly wanted me and Benlyam to have kids and grow up with them.
… But I don’t get that…
Why don’t I get a happy ending? I did everything! I helped people time after time of getting hurt! I didn’t do anything wrong…
“Why?” I asked, utterly broken inside. “If I was able to still be around Benlyam after everything, why couldn’t you push on?” I sobbed and closed my eyes. “I just wanted…” I didn’t finish.
I slumped over on the bed, but my body went through hers. I wailed harder. My hand fisted the sheet. My body shook with sobs as I rubbed my bump. What could’ve been…
My knees were so weak, I ended up sliding down the side of the bed, bringing the sheets with me. I wanted nothing more than to sit in Benlyams arms, they were so protective, so warm, so strong.
… No, he cut me and fucked me…
That made me cry harder. My whole body hurt. “I fucking hate you!” I mumbled in the sheets.
Sob after sob left my lips. I poured out my heart on these sheets. If anything- I would’ve been fine if I died, even if I gave birth. I’d give it to Benlyam and pass because I knew he would adore it. Something in me told me, despite all the stuff I went through with him. He would love our baby. I knew he would.
But now he would never even get the chance…
I hate myself!
I hate myself!
… I fucking hate myself!…
I choked on my tears as a hand touched my shoulder. I quickly lifted my head and turned around in utter fright. I thought I was dead? Do I have to be bothered in the afterlife?
My eyes landed on a woman. A Goddess to be correct.
“Selene?” I whispered and she frowned.
“My sweet child,” she whispered as she neared my crumpled being. “Come here,” she said gently. She kneeled down and reached out to me, I let myself be pulled into her embrace.
I was going to be selfish. I was going to enjoy this. I needed this. I deserved this. She wrapped her arms around me and hugged me into her while I sobbed like a baby. She rubbed my back as I hiccuped, trying to console myself.
I was never close with my mother from what I could remember, I liked my dad more.
I always wanted my mom to be with me and hold me whenever I felt bad. But she left me, and Selene felt like a mother figure, I was going to take this moment for granted and wallow in myself. No one else was going to hold me.
… There was no one else…
“Shh Violet,” she whispered in my hair. “You’re okay, dear one. I promise.” I sniffled and rested against her chest. One hand around my stomach and the other wiping my cheeks. I felt her stiffen for a second.
“Well that’s forlorn,” a rich, dark, regal voice spoke out. I flinched and quickly looked up, I subconsciously sunk into Selene. He sounded familiar.
I looked up to see a tall man with a dark silk button-up and dark pants. He even had a dazzling black crown that shimmered and glowed such a sinister aura. He looked familiar.
“Why are you here?” Selene asked. She seemed slightly irked at his presence. I glanced up at Selene. She had a small crease between her perfect eyebrows.
“It’s fitting,” he shrugged and snapped his fingers, a chair appearing.
“No, it’s not,” she snarled. “She’s not dead.”
My heart leaped.
… I’m not dead?…
Did my baby still have a chance? A wave of hope washed over me.
The familiar man scoffed, “Way to ruin the surprise,” he shook his head.
“It wasn’t a surprise!” Selene fired back. It seemed she didn’t like the man. “She’s shaken! Stop being inconsiderate!”
“Sweetie, that’s what I do!” he reminded her. It seemed he didn’t like Selene either.