“Violet, calm down. You’re a good girl, it’s fine- I didn’t mean it like that,”
“No, p… please…” I whispered and he got off of my hips, pulling me to him.
“Flower… shh. It’s okay, I didn’t mean it like that,” he told me, rubbing my arms delicately.
“I’m a g-good girl” I hiccuped in his arms.
“Yes, my Flower. Yes, you are,” he whispered, slowly bringing us down and laying with me crying in his arms.
Once I calmed down, I pulled away from him, but he settled me before I could get far.
“Violet, I don’t want you cutting yourself.”
I sniffled, “a-are you g-going to s-send me to Alpha C-Chris?” I feared his answer, shaking at the thought of it.
“No, my Flower, I’m not ever going to let him touch you,” his voice stern, “and you don’t call him Alpha, he’s not you Alpha.”
—
I lost hope.
Chris told me two days ago that Benlyam knew our exact address. That means fifteen days without Benlyam, fourteen days with Alpha Chris.
I don’t even want to go back to him. He hurt me.
It felt so hazy to me and I could barely piece together what I saw and felt, but he hurt me. He was probably scheming away with Chris on all of this. He wanted me gone. He didn’t care about our baby or me, he wanted his hoes.
Now, it didn’t make complete sense. Because in my mind the order was: Chris said something about luring Benlyam here, Benlyam came and screwed me while digging in my hips, and then Chris said something about the address.
… That didn’t seem right…
… But I had bloody claw marks on my hips…
I have to leave this place. Chris was going to kill me. He wasn’t letting me heal at all. He never had before but he gave me a day between everything, it was at least something. He was barely waiting hours now.
My baby was at stake.
… Ours…
Benlyam wasn’t coming, I couldn’t wait around because it would die and I would kill myself. I wouldn’t fail this time around. I couldn’t stand the thought of the baby dying, even if I was only a few days along.
I’ve never thought of motherhood because for the longest time Chris was the one raping me and I never thought of having his kids. That was disgusting and I would feel so bad to bring a child to that. Anyone but him.
Except this baby was Benlyam’s, and I like him, well, liked. He hurt me and I don’t want to see him again. I wanted to give this baby a great life because mine wasn’t too good and I didn’t want him or her to endure the same thing.
Sage was so ungodly weak. She didn’t even respond to me. She couldn’t. I felt her disconnecting, slowly dying. I would die. Truthfully, I didn’t care about that. I cared about my unborn child developing inside me.
… Because it was mine and Benlyam’s…
I needed to stop, but I became so attached to him, I couldn’t help it. But I still missed him and it hurt. A headache was constantly banging in my head from being separated from him.
I missed Benylam and I missed Hannah. I wished we had hung out more, I missed how nice and accepting she was towards me.
I glanced at my abdomen. There was a small bump forming. To me, it was growing fast, but I didn’t know anything about pregnancy. I always felt tired, more than I did after Chris had his moments with me.
… Alright, listen baby. We’ll get out of here. I promise you. We’ll go somewhere far where no one can hurt us. I’m sorry but we can’t go to your father, I’ll love you enough for both. I’ll never let anything hurt you. I swear…
I’m leaving. My baby needed medical attention, I needed to make sure it was okay.
My scalp was throbbing from Chris. A few moments ago he came in here and raped me. He flipped me on my stomach, pulling my hair while he violated me. To flip me over he had to untie one of my hand restraints.
It was loose. My wrists were slimmer, from the rope, the cuts, the blood, and the new diet.
And he left one of his knives. It fell out of his bag but he never came back to pick it up.
… Okay, Violet, be a woman! It’s not just about you, you have a baby!…
We all have to learn independence at one point in our lives.
I lifted my vision to my wrist. I took a deep breath as my hands started to wiggle on the rope.
… Come on…
I tried to yank my hand but all I got was pain. I gasped out as my numb fingers twiddled with the knot. I yanked again. I kept repeating the notions.
… Please, for the love of the Moon Goddess!…
I yanked and cried out. My wrist slipped out with the fresh blood to help. I almost screamed.
… Thank you, thank you, thank you!…
Okay, next wrist. You can do this, do it for your baby! I pulled myself over and grabbed the rope drenched in my blood. This one hasn’t been undone yet. It was excruciating. I was rushing because I was scared he would come back and see me trying to escape and hurt my fetus.