“Oh, Bee!” I exclaimed as my hands formed fists in his locks and the bedsheets. I relaxed into his bed as I came down, breathing heavily.
Benlyam pulled himself up and placed his forearms on the sides of my head as he smiled at me. He pressed a kiss to my forehead that was peppered with perspiration.
“I have to say Flower, this ‘bee’ is very drawn to your nectar,” he winked as he moved his hand down to brush against my lips before bringing them to his mouth, sucking on the juices. I blushed as my hands went to his boxes to take them off.
His hands immediately caught mine, stopping me. He looked at me.
“Violet, are you sure about this?” he asked with the utmost respect and concern. I nodded. “Words, Honey,” he recalled while he took his hand to my bottom lip and rubbed it as I spoke.
“Yes,” I kissed his thumb. His eyes stayed on my lips before he brought them back up to my eyes. “I’ll s-say if anything is wrong,” I promised.
“Okay Flower. How about a safe word? A common one is red, or some people like fruit, but it can be whatever you want. Something to say when it’s too much or you want to stop, I’ll stop no matter what, I promise.”
I nodded. “Red is okay with me,” I whispered, nervous. He nodded and started to take off his boxers when something popped in my head. “Wait, Bee?” He stopped and looked up at me, halting his movements.
“Flower?”
“You’ll s-stop when I say ‘red’, right? Because if I freak and s-start to cry and mention Chris, please don’t pull away because I want to- to complete this a-and I know I will but please don’t until I s-say it, okay?” I asked, looking at him.
He bit his lip and nodded. “Okay. Promise you’ll say it if it’s too much?”
“I promise,” I kissed him.
He pulled off his boxers and positioned himself at my entrance. He moved to my mark, and his hand went to my boob, fondling as he pressed himself in. I bit my lip and tried to keep my eyes open, focusing on the pleasure from my mark, but I was slipping.
A whimper left my lips as flashbacks came into my mind, my eyes shutting. Benlyam stilled for a second, hating the sound of me in pain, but he kept his word and continued to penetrate me.
I tried to control it, but it happened so fast. Sage tried to push it away, but it came nonetheless. I fell from Benlyam’s comfort, he completely disappeared from my consciousness, my mate turned into my abuser.
My hands went to push his chest off of me as tears clouded my vision. He was on me. The pleasure left the room, the familiar, numb, discomfort formed where he was in me. A sob left my lips as I wiggled to move away from him.
All my mind let me see was his eyes, his skin, his everything. I pushed against his chest.
“Get off, A-alpha!” I shouted through my sobs and I struggled underneath him, constantly sputtering out and apologizing.
“Shh Violet, it’s okay,” he whispered in my ear.
My hands were shaking as I cried out for him to stop.
“Violet,” he spoke as he brought his hand up to my hair and brushed it out of my eyes. I moved away from it as he started to move in and out of me.
“P-please, A-alpha,” I blubbered.
“It’s Benlyam, Violet, it’s okay,” he cooed.
My mind didn’t register who ‘Benlyam’ was, it had no clue who that was. As much as Sage snipped at the black void, it wouldn’t pick up nor back down. Instead, it screamed, ‘Alpha Chris!’
I was numbed out as my body started to fall back into the familiar shell. My shaky hands fell on my naked chest, and I covered my breasts from him.
My eyes shut tightly as my body shook with my cries.
“Flower?”
My mind buffered. I whimpered. The mindset seemed to recognize the term and it came with a sense of comfort, but I was so diluted and out of it that I couldn’t regroup immediately and be with whoever said it.
“Flower? You’re okay, it’s Benlyam,” the voice murmured in my ear, comfortingly. The void was slipping away as Sage pushed it. ‘Flower’ was something my white mindset clung onto, I didn’t realize it until the black space took over.
A whimper squeaked out of me and my eyes relaxed, not clenched as tight.
“Yeah, Flower, I’m here, you’re fine.”
I felt myself internally shake.
Flower.
My body immersed from its shell and I cracked my eyes open. My wet eyelashes hit my cheeks as I blinked, my mental state falling back into place.
“Benlyam?” I croaked out, my voice was tiny.
“It’s me, Flower.”
At the revelation, I fully awakened. I looked up at his blue orbs. Pain swam in his oceans, followed by concerning riptides and lustful waves. His strokes were slow, he was more concerned with me and my mental health.
“Honey?” he asked, bringing a hand to wipe my tears.
“I-it’s okay, I’m okay. Thank you,” I whispered and pressed my lips to his. My hands went to his hair and I pressed my chest against him.
My bond kicked and a sense of pleasure filled my senses and I made small motions against him. Benlyam moaned and grabbed one of my boobs, rolling my nipple between his fingers. He reminded himself that he couldn’t be too forceful with me because he didn’t want to be like Chris.
I cherished him for that.
His motions sped up and my moans quickened in response. Benlyam moaned against my mark, and I felt myself peak. My hands wrapped around his neck as I grinded my hips, his member moving inside of me.
“Oh…” I let out.
He cussed in my ear, I shivered, and he kissed me. Apologizing for his language.
We were both getting close and I arched into him, my grip tightening. He thrust against my spot, I moaned out as I came and he spilled his seed in me.
Panting he pulled out and laid beside me. He grabbed me and pulled me to him, I rested my head on his chest as I caught my breath.
“I adore you, Flower,” Benlyam whispered to me, kissing the top of my head. I could only nod in agreement, tiredness came over me, but I loved the words he said.
He pulled some sheets over us, and I closed my eyes as he ran his hand through my hair.
But right before I finally dozed off, a wave of guilt hit me. I was able to have sex and complete the bond with my mate that I liked very much, but I couldn’t tell him about the notes I had…