I’m terrified and certain at the same time. I’ve never wanted anything more, and yet I can’t take any more heartache, either.
The elevator stops at the top and the doors slide open.
“Dima.”
He’s standing there, waiting for me. He knew I was coming. Of course he did-that’s his job.
I stumble out of the elevator straight into him. After a split second of surprise, his arms bind around me, and he holds me as tightly as he did at the parking garage.
“Natasha,” he murmurs. “Forgive me. I never meant to hurt you, sweetheart. You’re all that matters to me. I know it didn’t seem that way.”
“No,” I speak against the soft cotton of his black shirt. “It did. But you also kept pushing me away.”
“Never again,” he swears “I’m all in with you now, amerikanka. If you’ll have me.”
“Promise?”
“I promise. I’ll tell you about Alyona now. But only if you want. Whatever you want.” His lips are in my hair, his hands stroking up and down my back. “I’m yours, Natasha. I’m sorry I wasn’t ready before, but I am now.”
I lift my face from his chest and pull his head down to mine, claiming his mouth.
He lets me kiss him for a moment, then he takes over, grasping the back of my head and angling his face to deepen the kiss. His tongue slips between my lips, dancing with mine. He pulls away and brushes the backs of his fingers across my cheek.
I realize the little ring is gone from his pinkie finger. I pull his fingers away to be sure.
“You took it off.”
He nods. “I said goodbye and left it in the woods where we saw the doe.”
I kiss his fingers. “I’m sorry for your loss.”
He laces his fingers through mine. “It was a long time ago. I just didn’t know how to move on until you kneed me in the balls.”
“I never did that,” I say with a smile.
“No.” His eyes are warm as he cradles my face. “You were always kind. I was the asshole. Can I… will you…” He stabs his fingers through his air with a rueful smile. “I don’t have a clue how to do this. May I take you on a date?”
I laughed. “A date?”
He winces. “It’s backward, isn’t it? I’ve already sucked you dry without giving a thing in return. But… I’d like to remedy that. Can we start over? Go to dinner? Get married? Have little redheaded babies?” He tilts his head to catch my gaze. “Too soon for that?”
Warmth curls everywhere in my body and tiny explosions of joy burst in my chest. He wants me. He’s all in. “A little.” I bring my hands to his chest, leaning into him. “How did you get me into naturopathy school?”
“A magician never reveals his secrets.”
“Fair enough.” I smile.
“Are you going to go?”
I catch my breath. Am I? I just found out the guy I’m crazy about wants to be with me. Is it really the right time to move away for four years?
As if he guesses at my hesitation, he covers both my hands. “If you’re worried about us, we’d figure it all out-no problem. Of all of Ravil’s men, I’m the only one perfectly able to work remotely.”
He said us. There’s an us.
I still can’t believe it.
“Ever since Ravil broke the bratva code to marry Lucy, all the brotherhood or death rules seem to have gone out the window. He just let Pavel go to be with his girlfriend in L. A.. Maxim has a wife. Oleg’s girlfriend lives with us.” Dima shrugs. “I don’t see why I couldn’t move out, too.”
I beam at him, wings flapping in my chest. “You’d come with me? Really?”
“Natasha, I’m all in. I want to be with you-any way you’ll have me.”
I try to imagine what it would be like to have Dima with me at naturopathy school. Coming home to him typing away on his computer in the living room. Watching movies. Cooking together. I couldn’t imagine anything better.
“One more question-what happened to my student loans?”
I brace myself, afraid to hear he committed a felony in my name, but he touches my nose and says, “I just paid them off with my savings. I figured you’d want me to go legit with them.”
“Wow. Thank you,” I breathe. “I hope you don’t think you’ve bought me now.” I don’t mean it. He had me at date. Paying off my forty thousand dollars worth of student loans will definitely buy me-body and soul.
He cups my nape and massages it. “I plan on working my ass off to prove what you mean to me-any way I can.”
My eyelashes get damp. “You already have.”
“Come here.” Dima scoops me up into his arms and carries me toward his bedroom.
I loop my arms around his neck, laughing. “Where are we going?”
“I need to taste you.” His eyes darken.
“I need to taste you back,” I murmur as he pushes open the door.
EPILOGUE
Dima
Natasha squeezes my hand as we stand with Nikolai in front of the door to the apartment where we grew up.
I glance at my twin, my stomach a tight drum, guilt and shame crowding me from all directions.
He shrugs. “It will be what it will be.”
Right.
He lifts his fist and knocks at the door, then pushes it open without waiting for an answer. “Mama?”
Our mother is sitting on the couch, watching television on the giant flat-screen I arranged for her to win. She looks the same, only so much older. Wrinkles line her face, and her hair is more grey than blonde.
She shrieks, falling backward on the couch as we enter the apartment.
“We’re alive, mama. I’m sorry you thought we were dead.” I speak in Russian, getting the words out quickly in case she thinks she’s hallucinating or that we’re ghosts.