I keep my gaze on my Russian while I dance, but he looks away with a scowl. I know he feels my gaze. I swear he’s looking away on purpose. What is it about hard to get that just makes a girl want to try more? I check my tits–the double D’s I had by age twelve. They are perfectly displayed by my blouse. I definitely look hot. No reason for him not to respond. Unless he’s here for someone else. But why does he keep looking at me?
There. He looked again.
I turn to give him a view of my ass as I take a slow swivel to the floor and back up again.
“Kat!” A guy calls me from the floor below.
Oh great. David, one of my past mistakes. I blow him a kiss but keep dancing.
He grabs my ankle, forcing me to stop dancing or lose my balance. Yeah, this was why he was a mistake. I mistook his disrespectful vibe for dominance. Truth is, he’s more of a bully.
“Come here!” He reaches for me.
“No, I’m good,” I say. Just because we hooked up once doesn’t mean I’m your go-to, buddy.
He flashes a tiny Ziploc baggie at me. “Wanna roll?”
I shake my head again. “No thanks. I have a test tomorrow.” He wins no points with me for offering free drugs. I’m not fooling around again with him even if I’m not sober. He was sloppy and only in it for himself. Yech.
He shrugs and moves on, and I continue to dance. I’m joined on the platform by a few other guys who dance closer and closer until one settles a hand on my waist and connects his hips to my ass to grind against me. I let him because it feels good. I came here for male attention, and I’m getting it. Another guy moves in from the front, so I’m sandwiched between them.
The guy from behind palms my left breast. He’s not completely unskilled. He finds my nipple and pinches it through my blouse and push-up bra. I shove my ass back and let my head rest against his shoulder.
“I like your outfit,” the first guy shouts over the music.
It’s not a particularly stupid thing to say, but I sort of wish he’d just keep his mouth shut. I’m trying to have a fantasy moment here, and the inane comments pull me out. The guy behind me slides a hand down the front of my thigh and squeezes my leg muscles.
I’ve never had two guys at once, but the group-grope thing happens at these raves. Everyone’s feeling the love, and they just want to pass it along. The problem is, it’s usually a lot of groping and no finish. The ecstasy makes people too blissed out to have any motivation to get to climax. Another reason I skip the drugs, other than a CBD gummy now and then when I can’t sleep. I’m looking for a different endorphin hit.
“How old are you?” the guy in front of me asks. He probably wants to make sure he won’t end up in jail or something.
“Twenty.” I don’t feel twenty. I feel thirty because I’ve been away from home for so long. And also thirteen, the age I was when my dad shipped me off. He caught me making out with a boy and decided I needed to be sent off to an all-girls boarding school.
As if that would keep me out of trouble. It only cemented my desire to be bad.
Do you want to be bad, Kat, or are you actually craving someone to tell you you’re good? That’s what Delaney asked me last time we discussed me going to raves.
“I wouldn’t mind being called good girl when I obey,” I’d sassed back.
“Nice.” The guy nods, his leer appreciative.
We dance for a while, but things don’t escalate much. People lose focus when they’re rolling.
“I’m going to take a break,” I tell the guys after a while because I’m getting hot, bored, and thirsty.
They immediately jump down off the box and follow me to the makeshift bar where three kids in knit caps and earrings are selling energy drinks and water. I buy water, crack the bottle and turn to find my two admirers are still standing there like eager beavers.
Meh. I was kind of done with them, hoping for something a little more interesting. My gaze wanders, looking for the Russian again. I don’t know why I’m so obsessed with him. I guess because he turned me down. Why do I always go for the one who will reject me?
The guys each take me by a hand, dragging me to a dark corner. I’m not on board, but I’m not totally ready to jump-ship either. I mean, I guess I’ll see what they have to offer.
“What’s this?” David cuts off our path with a giant smile in place. “This looks very fun.”
Now I’m done.
“Yeah, I don’t know.” I try to shake loose from the two guys holding my hands.
“You need a little mood enhancer,” David says, pulling out the baggie of pills again.
“Can I have one?” the guy to my right says.
“No. It’s for her.” David extracts the pill, and before I know it’s coming, he pops it between my teeth.
“Hey!” I try to spit it out, but David laughs, clapping a hand over my mouth.
“Wait, wait, wait. Just swallow it, Kat. It will be fun.”
I struggle, but the other guys don’t help me out even though they’re crowding into me from the sides, holding me in place for David to keep his hand over my mouth.
I’m pissed now, and–dammit–I already swallowed the stupid pill! These fuckers.
“Here, drink your water, Kat.” David wraps his hand over mine on the water bottle and brings it to my mouth.