Nicole looked around the room, she made up her mind to leave after staying here for another one week without Rafael showing up, not even with the divorce papers he talked about, he just ignored her completely and she was tired of being alone, she wanted to get her life back in order, she couldn’t keep being sad, she was only twenty-six years old, too young to be wasted, she couldn’t keep staying here and waiting for what’s never going to be hers again, she has to accept that it was over and there was no going back.
“Are you sure this is what you want to do?”
Grace who had come to help her pack her things asked, Grace, has been her support system that she wondered what she would have done without her, yes her parents were supportive too but they didn’t know the half of what was going on in her life, she didn’t tell them about the divorce but they knew that she and Rafael weren’t on talking terms and they thought it was just temporary, when she had called them that she was moving back to the house, they had seemed shocked at first but then she told them it was better that way and they hadn’t asked any further questions.
“Yes, Grace, there is no point holding onto ashes when there is really nothing left, time for me to go, I am not wanted here,”
She said, the bitter taste of what she said hitting her mouth, her mood couldn’t go even worse, she has been moody for so long.
“You know, usually when things like this happen, there is always a remedy, I don’t understand why you guys are breaking up because of this,”
“I don’t understand either Grace but that’s what Rafael wants, he hasn’t even stopped by since he dropped the divorce bombshell, I think I have held on enough, it’s time for me to leave and start again, maybe he is doing the right thing by us but it Fucking hurt that he made that decision himself and I can’t even confront him because I feel too guilty, I feel that it’s all my fault, none of this would have happened if I had just listened to him and stayed home.
She said wiping off tears that gathered in her eyes, the number of times she has cried this period, one could almost think she didn’t have any tears left but here she was crying again.
“I feel like this is all my fault too,”
Grace voiced, she looked at her puzzled, how would it be her fault?
“How is it your fault? You weren’t even here when everything happened,”
“I know, I was the one that called to tell you, if I hadn’t made that call you wouldn’t have left the house and all these unfortunate things won’t have happened, I feel so stupid, I didn’t actually think it through before calling you, I should have thought of my actions and what it might cause you,”
Grace said kneeling in front of her wheelchair.
“Don’t say that, you were only looking out of me, I was the one that went to meet her and was the one that got in a fight with her, I don’t even blame Natalie for what happened, why will I blame you then?”
“Then don’t blame yourself either, I promise, it might not look like it will be fine now but it will be and you will get through this, you are strong, your husband is too,”
“My husband? He isn’t going to be my husband anymore once I sign the divorce papers Grace,”
“I know, but the fact that he is still not sending the divorce documents should mean something right? Maybe he is taking his time because he doesn’t want it to, don’t you think?”
Grace asked, Nicole knew she was trying to console her and give her more hope but Nicole already lost that, she was sure Rafael won’t take her back, he said it himself that even though he loves her he can’t forgive her, she didn’t blame him for it, couldn’t even hate him.
“Believe me when I tell you that I hope that is the case, but it’s not, and even though I don’t want us to end, I have to accept it, I have to respect his decision as doing otherwise would be making life hard for the two of us, he wants out, I pleaded but he didn’t listen, if I keep doing that, it will be forcing him to do what he doesn’t and I don’t want a forced relationship, I am going to work on myself, gets off this damn chair and get back my life.”
She answered determined even when her whole being screamed impossible.
“Fine, let’s help you pack, just point me in the direction and tell me what you want to take with you,”
“Thanks, Grace, I am not taking anything much, just my clothes,”
She answered pointing at her side of the walk-in closet, Grace opened it and brought out all her clothes, most of which were bought for her by Rafael, she considered not keeping them but decided to after long thinking, it was hers, he gifted than to her, a gift is not meant to be returned, which is why she was keeping everything he got for her, and if he would let her even though she didn’t have the whole to do anything art now, she would love to keep her studio of course not the one here since the house was his, just the one she was supposed to open that never happened, the one Natalie had made the whole world know about even before its opening.
Grace successfully packed up all the clothes which ended up taking up three luggages, she hadn’t realized she had that many clothes.
“So? Anything else we are packing?”
Grace asked, sitting beside her wheelchair, she thought hard almost going to say no when she remembered she had to do away with a few things in the studio, she hadn’t been there since the incident, honestly, she didn’t want to go there but she had the thing she wanted to throw away.
“Yes, at the studio,”
Okay, let’s go, go, go,”
Grace said getting up and helping her with her wheelchair, they got to the studio and Grace opened the door, she resisted for a moment, waiting outside until Grace pushed her in.
“Okay, this place remains a beauty, so what are we picking from here? I must say that there is a lot of things I would take from here,”
Grace said moving around, Nicole looked around too, everything was exactly how she had left it, nothing was touched.
“We are not taking rather we are throwing somethings away,”
She revealed, Grace turned to her in shock.
“What? I don’t see anything that looks like what is to be thrown away here, what are we throwing away?”
“Those,”
Nicole said pointing at the individual maternity photos handing on the wall and the one still on the workbench.
“What? Are you for real?”
Grace yelled, she already knew Grace will not agree with her but she couldn’t keep it, it would remind her of so many things that she wanted to forget.
“Yes, Grace, I have no use for them and they are not even complete,”
“Then complete it,”
“I can’t,”
Nicole replied, how could she when the inspiration behind it is no more, she didn’t even know until when she will ever hold a brush again or if she ever will.
“Do you really wanna throw this away? Come on babe, you worked hard for this, I know it’s is a series, and I know the reason why you are not completing it but throwing them away will be such a waste, if you don’t want to keep them then you can send it to any gallery that accepts works, donate it and selling it might put food on someone’s table or give some kids a chance to go to school, this is too pretty to be wasted, this too,”
Grace advised. She understood what Grace meant but the painting was supposed to be a series, she only had three and had been on the fourth when the whole shits happened so she wasn’t going to complete it and anyone that see the three complete ones will know it’s supposed to be a series, she couldn’t keep it and she didn’t want to send half works to any gallery.
“Think about it again Nicole, this isn’t the way, don’t throw it away, alright? No matter how painful you think it is now, you will regret it later if you don’t have anything to remember this time with, let’s just keep this as a memorandum, no giving it out or throwing it away, okay?”
Grace asked, Nicole, saw a lot of sense in what she was saying and decided to keep them even though she knew the series will never be completed.
“Okay, I will keep them but I am not planning on finishing them,”
“Goody, I will respect your decision, so long as you are not throwing these babies away, now let’s keep packing,”
Grace said, she was happy and that at least made Nicole smile even though it was just for a moment, she would concentrate on getting better, getting off this wheel-chair and maybe after that, well she doesn’t know yet what will happen after that, she was just going to take it one step at a time and hope against all hope that she would come out of this all, that whatever happens that she would be fine…