She sits up on her elbow to look at me. “Tash?”
“Stop it, Didge.”
“I’m serious, Tash. You normally freak out if Joshua doesn’t call you. How can you…” She stops herself as she tries to get the wording right in her head. “How can you go through what you have been through and be fine?”
I sit and jump over Joshua in a rush, and he wakes. “If you came in here to annoy me, you are doing a good job,” I stammer as I stand naked at the end of the bed in an outrage.
She lies calmly on her back and watches me.
“I’m serious, Natasha.”
“Stop it.” I stammer
“Why are you reacting like this? Why are you so angry? I just asked a question.”
“Like what?” I yell.
“Not now, Bridget.” Joshua snaps. “Don’t upset her.”
“I’m not trying to upset her. I want to hear about what she went through, I want to know how she escaped. I want to talk to my sister about her hurt.”
“Get out.” I cry.
Joshua sits up but can’t get out of bed because he is naked underneath his sheet.
“Bridget!” he snaps.
“Joshua, stop it. She’s acting weird. Why isn’t she telling us anything and over analysing everything?”
My eyes fill with tears as I hear my heart beat in my ears. The tightening in my chest returns.
I storm into the bathroom and slam the door shut.
“Good fucking morning, Bridget,” Joshua sneers. “We were having a nice lie in.”
“Shut up,” she hits back.
“Could you not let her wake up before you started that shit.”
“Start my shit. Are you kidding? You are as bad as her. You nearly fucking killed yourself a week ago. You’d be dead if Nicholas hadn’t put you into protective custody.”
“Get out!” he barks.
I slam my hands over my ears and start to rock. Oh no. No. I close my eyes as panic starts to run through my bloodstream. Joshua nearly killed himself? Oh my god, I can’t deal with this. I start to pace in the bathroom and shake my hands in a panic. Calm down, calm down, just calm fucking down. I turn the shower on as hot as I can stand it, get in and slump to the floor as I try to slow my breathing. After roughly ten minutes, Joshua walks in and squats down next to the shower.
His worried eyes watch me and he puts his hand onto my knee. “You ok, Presh?” he asks gently.
I nod but don’t answer.
“Are you going to stay in here for a while?”
I nod and put my hand over his on my knee.
“Do you want me to get you anything?”
I shake my head and he stays, just watching me.
“You’re scaring me,” he whispers.
I stare at him through blurry eyes, unable to answer. I’m scaring myself.