Regrets. For every single minute of every hour that I sat locked in that room, I had a new regret. Regret that I didn’t love him sooner. Regret that I had wasted so much time being insecure and unsure. Regret that I blamed myself so hard for my beloved father’s death. But when it all comes down to it, the only person who feels the pain of my regrets is me. Nobody gives a flying fuck how insecure I am on the inside, so why did I put myself through it for so long?
I’ve been given a second chance at my life.
A do-over.
I’m going to take the bastard by both horns and ride it home hard, without fear, without hesitation and without one more single regret.
Look out world. Here I come!
We arrived in Thailand this afternoon and I am in Kamala surrounded by my loved ones. The sun is setting over the horizon and the staff are lighting the candles that are scattered throughout the garden. Joshua and his family are here along with Adrian, Nicholas and Abbie, and my family. We are sitting around the pool area of the main house after enjoying a beautiful meal, it’s been a big day… a big month, actually. Exhausted doesn’t even come close to how I’m feeling, but the very last thing that I want to do is go to bed. I don’t want to miss one single second with these beautiful people. I’ve missed them all so much and family has never been more important. Didge, Abbie and I are in the pool and we have swum to the other end to talk in private.
On the steps of the pool, in the darkness, we talk quietly. We haven’t had a moment to ourselves since I was found two days ago.
“I’ve missed you two,” I breathe. I can’t believe I’m actually here with them.
Abbie smiles and wraps her arms around Bridge and I as we sit on either side of her.
“Tell me, what exactly have I missed?” I whisper.
“A lot of crying.”
I smile sadly.
“Nothing has happened since you left, Tash. Our whole world stopped.”
My eyes flick to my beautiful man who is sitting opposite Nicholas on a deckchair at the other end of the pool. He is writing in a notepad the requirements for tomorrow’s wedding. Glancing up, he catches me watching him and smiles sexily.
“How was Joshua?”
The girls exchange looks.
“When I was missing and he thought I was dead, how was he?” I ask again.
“He was…” Abbie screws up her face and stops to articulate her wording.
“I can imagine he was a raging lunatic,” I add as my eyes flick back to him.
The girls both exchange looks and shake their head. “No.”
I frown. “What do you mean?”
“He was different.”
“How so?”
“He withdrew and became a recluse.”
My heart drops and my eyes find him again as I deepen my frown.
“He was too broken to be angry,” Bridget whispers sadly.
“Oh.” I sit and think for a moment. “He wasn’t going berserk like a maniac?” I ask. I don’t believe this – I thought he would have been raging like a bull.
The girls both shake their heads. “No, he would have been easier to handle if he acted how we all thought he was going to.”
“He hardly spoke,” Abbie whispers.
I sigh. My beautiful man has been through so much.
“He just gave up,” Bridget says sadly.
We all sit and look straight ahead, lost in our own thoughts.
“Adrian was probably the strongest.”
“Adrian?” I smirk. This is unexpected.