I broke away from Mathew and went to the deep end of the pool. I dove in headfirst, my extended arms cutting effortlessly through the water. I took a deep breath, kicked off from the side, and swam the length of the pool for the first time. Nothing else was going through my head as I kept talking. After such a wonderful day with Mathew, I was already in a position of utter contentment, but now I felt even more at one with the world.
When I needed to catch my breath, I stopped and propped my arms on the tiled edge of the pool. With a smile on my face, I looked up at Mathew.
The moment my gaze locked with his, my grin evaporated.
His stress levels were over the roof again, and his powerful physique seemed to tremble. His jaw was clinched so tightly that I was certain he was grinding his teeth, and the hard lines of his face were harder than ever. He turned his eyes away from me and onto the lake.
“You look like the water’s going to attack me.”
He nodded his head quickly, but the tension in his expression remained unchanged. For a few more seconds, I looked him over, attempting to decipher his facial expression.
Anguish.
Without thinking, I hauled myself out of the water and hurried toward her to narrow the gap. He didn’t even bother to look away from me as the water ran down my body. Their pain-filled eyes had a deep, gloomy color. At this point, I could see it.
He wasn’t furious that Nicola had asked him to fill the pool for me when he’d glared at him at the restaurant. He hadn’t been irritated that he would have to go out of his way to help me out.
His actual feelings were hidden behind his rage. Feeling threatened, he froze. Hurt.
I reached out and put my palm on his tight jaw. “What’s wrong?”
“I don’t like for swimming pools, he snapped. It’s not safe to be around them. ”
“I’m absolutely secure,” I reassured him with a soothing tone. ” As far back as I can remember, I’ve been a swimmer. Plus, you’re right here with me, keeping a close eye out for any trouble. There won’t be any unfavorable results.”
“Sure, I’m standing right here. I forbid you to use the pool at any time while I am not there. Are you following me? ”
“Do you not know how to swim?” I couldn’t figure out what had upset him so much.
“Of course I do. That’s why I won’t leave you hanging like this. ”
I looked up into his face, attempting to read his thoughts. I asked him whether he could swim, and he answered he could, but he hadn’t been interested in joining me in the water. Now, he was talking like I may be wounded somehow if he wasn’t here to defend me.
“Why are you so upset?” I eventually posed the straight question, daring to push him.
A spark of wrath lit in his eyes, but he didn’t budge an inch. I wasn’t the target of their wrath.
He almost yelled in my face, “Because I wasn’t always there,” but I didn’t flinch. He had something crucial to share with me, and I wouldn’t let my moodiness get in the way of his message. “My sibling…” He lowered his voice and looked away in shame.
I gently pressed his jaw and brought his attention back to me. I felt sick to my stomach and wasn’t sure I wanted to hear the next part.
But I needed to know. And Mathew felt obligated to reveal this secret to me, whatever it was. When we initially met, I had the impression that he was hiding a dark and icy core within. Now I understood that his calm appearance was a mask for a wound on his heart, and that darkness was not bad.
“Tell me,” I begged.
“My brother. Tragically, he was unable to swim and perished. Instead of keeping an eye on him, I was preoccupied with my own activities. He was a toddler of two. Then she (my mom) said…” His whole body shook with fear. “Sadly, she passed away three years later. Alcohol and drug overdose. It was me who murdered her, too. ”
My voice shook as I called out his name, Matthew, my heart bleeding for him. “You were only a young lad. What occurred was not your fault. ”
‘Of course I was,’ he snarled. “I am. I am to blame for their disappearance. It’s no surprise my dad avoids me like the plague. ”
“Matthew, you are so deserving of love.” The words came straight from my heart. For me, it was too soon to declare my love for you. Our connection was still too fresh, but I wanted him to know that he was worthy of love despite his difficulties.
He said, his voice cracking, “How can you say that?” But yearning ignited his black gaze.
“That’s how much I value you. ” I echoed his previous declaration of unconditional love for me by telling him, “Just the way you are, I adore you. ”
In an effort to get closer to his lips, I stood on the tips of my toes. He was rigid against me for a while, but then his arms closed around me, bringing me close in a strong hug. He kissed me passionately, as if our relationship were all that was keeping him sane. Yes, maybe that was the case. He told me I was important to him.
In this case, I took his word for it.
He needed to take care of me, to take responsibility for my wellness. But in exchange, he required my loyalty and confidence.
I gave it to him, opening for him and letting him to capture my mouth in rough, ravenous strokes of his tongue.