” Sure, I did. ” So be quiet and enjoy the film.
He kept running his fingers through my hair, creating a hypnotic rhythm with the silky strands. My mind and body were finally able to unwind as he gently massaged my scalp and nape. As the movie began, the familiar storyline had me melted against him, humming with contentment.
Before the end credits rolled, I already felt much better than I had after lunch. When it comes to my relationship with Mathew, I had previously assumed it to be complex; however, this new arrangement is surprisingly easy. Easy. As a result, I didn’t have to worry or make any tough choices. There were no obligations on me, and no pressure from others.
The only thing that mattered was doing what Mathew wanted me to do, which was to take care of him and be a good girlfriend to him.
To see him better, I rolled over onto my back. In spite of this, he kept stroking me, and his apparent happiness was contagious.
” How come I’m this way? ”
“The way we’re going about this is fine by me. I mean, that can’t be the norm, can it? After a while, I stopped caring about it. The thought intrigued me.
The opinions of others are irrelevant if this makes us both happy.
“I take it back. ” However, I am still confused.
His hand froze for a second in my hair. “Describe the dynamic between you and your mom and dad.”
I winced; that question burst my carefree bubble.
He picked up his pats again. ” We don’t have to discuss your background right now, but it would help me understand you better if you did. ”
“There’s not much to talk about,” I said tentatively.
His mouth twisted into a tense frown. He sternly warned, “Don’t hide from me.” I’m aware that your dad ignored your email requesting time off from school. You didn’t text your mom, that much is certain. Is there a rift between you and your parents? ”
When I turned away, his fingers curled into my hair, pinning me to his piercing stare.
“I have my dad’s love. “My defensive tone was obvious to even me. Simply put, he has lofty standards. He really wants me to do well.
Mathew understood the truth in my words when I said, “He puts a lot of pressure on you.” You are obviously bright and diligent. If that weren’t the case, Lasvagas university would never have accepted you. If your father is proud of you, does he tell you? ”
I said quietly, “No.” A resounding “Nope.” No praise was given when I did well because it was assumed that I would try my hardest. Critique was only necessary when I was unsuccessful.
“And how about your mom?”
“We don’t really communicate with one another. ”
“Why not?” He didn’t want to let me finish my thought, so he kept pushing.
There was a sharp pain in my eyes. “When I was eight years old, my parents split up. My mom had to move to Chicago for work, so I’ve been living with my dad for the past few years. She keeps improbable work hours. “I felt something catch in my throat, but I pushed through it. “Then she met a new person. A new family was started in Chicago after she remarried. She left me behind in Savannah and never contacted me again. ”
“For as long as I could remember, all I wanted was to start my own family. Marriage and having children were always goals of mine. For the longest time, all I wanted was to find people who could love me no matter what. To be loved by those who love me. ”
“I was too embarrassed to tell my dad or my friends about my secret wish. The expectation was always that I would study at a top university and graduate with more than an MRS. Degree. If my dad found out I was looking for a man to settle down with, he’d be horrified. ”
When I started to cry, Mathew wiped my cheek. ” You wish for someone to tend to your needs. One who accepts you for who you are and not what they would like you to be. That’s fine, too. ”
“Is it?” I pleaded in a frantic tone. “Everything I’ve done, I’ve done to please my father. If he knew that my only goal in life was to get married and start a family, he would be mortified. My only goal in life is to be a stay-at-home mom to my kids. ”
“You don’t have to worry about what your father thinks.” It makes no difference what he imagines you to be. Your happiness is the only thing that should matter. Emily, this is your existence right now. The fault is not his. That’s fine if you’re done with school for good. Just know that I’ll be proud of you no matter what you decide to do. No matter what happens, I’ll make sure you’re okay. ”
My sobs slid off his fingers and onto the floor before he could wipe them dry. Nobody had ever told me they were proud of me, much less told me they were proud of me without conditions. It was because of this fear of being hurt that I was not someone who trusted others easily.
“I’ve always worried that if I didn’t do well, my father would be disappointed in me. ”
“You’re wonderful, in my opinion. Just be yourself; ”
He picked me off the floor and held me close as I sobbed my heart out in his arms. My innermost thoughts were never before shared with anyone. Until I met Mathew, I never trusted anyone as much as I did him. Not even Nicola, though he would have been a good listener.