The silence was broken only by the awareness of his watchful gaze. I avoided his gaze. Instead, I took out a notebook and a pen and started writing, although shakily. Apologetically, I told my teachers and then Ella that I had to cancel our meeting. I knew Mom wouldn’t question my choice to take a break from school since she understood how devastated I’d been since Nicola departed.
I just finished a letter to my dad. A message to my mom through email would have served no purpose. A few text messages a year at most, generally with fake smiley faces, were the most I ever received from her. She often pretended we were best friends when in reality it was just an act to make her feel better. As a result, I was left feeling hollow within.
A flood of tears started to cloud my eyes as I apologized to my dad. For as long as I could remember, all I wanted was for him to be pleased with me. Getting this email would undo all I’ve done. Forget about him ever forgiving you for skipping classes because you’re heartbroken over some man. It didn’t take much of a stretch for me to see the disappointment written all over his face, complete with a sorrowful scowl etched into his bushy gray beard. The identical expression appeared on his face each time I fell short of his ideals. I tried to console myself by telling myself that he was just trying to help me reach my full potential.
After scribbling “Love, Emily,” I sobbed uncontrollably and wiped my cheeks, leaving a trail of tears on the ruled notebook paper. The black ink smeared somewhat where they had fallen, but the message was still clear.
Before I could totally mess up the words I’d written, Nicola yanked the notebook out of my hands.
“Can I ask you your user name? “He prodded softly, but insistently.
“Baimeya. My whole name and initials. ”
“What is your middle name?”
This was the first time he’d ever asked me anything like this. So much of each other’s histories remained unknown, but he was far more of a mystery than I.
I said drearily, “Bailey.” I was drained and empty within.
“It’s a lovely name. ”
When he complimented me, I nodded absentmindedly. I had mentally checked out. Too much had transpired since I woke up with Nicola and Mathew standing over me for me to take it all in at once. It hurt deeply within to know that I had let down my dad and that he would be disappointed in me.
“And your password?”
“The word four, capitalized-o- p.” I was too wrung out to even feel embarrassed by admitting my childish password.
He hesitated, but I didn’t pay any attention. “Thank you.”
In a robotic show of agreement, I nodded once more. Everything was starting to seem strange, and I found myself losing touch with my feelings. It was considerably less difficult than dealing with the emotional fallout of Nicola’s treachery.
His hand went out to wipe the tears from my face, but I jerked away. I got down on one side and pulled my knees against my chest for safety. There was no way I could have looked at him. I couldn’t let myself get seduced by his stunning good looks once again. Unfortunately, I just couldn’t handle it.
One of the blankets at the end of the bed was brought over to me and snuggled in.
Attempting to block him out, I closed my eyes. I murmured into the pillow, “Just leave me alone.”
He was silent for a while, but I could tell he was thinking about me. At last, I heard the thud of the door closing behind him as his bulky feet stomped across the room.
A sob tore from my chest as I heaved in a breath and released it. Forcing myself to sleep, I buried my head under the covers and sobbed.
Nicola
Looking for Mathew, I rushed down the hall. Assuming he was in his other favorite place of the home, the kitchen, I went looking for Emily first.
I took the stairs two at a time to get away from the sound of her cries as I ran below. There was nothing I could do to make it go. She had already told me that being in the same room with me was making things worse.
Raging rage that I could do nothing to alleviate coursed through my veins, but I also knew there was an outlet for it. I’m certain that I could easily knock Mathew out.
He was the one responsible for her abduction. She had been scared because of him.
Defining Emily, she was soft and delicate. Her delicate nature needed special handling, a safe space, and protection. And he had been as unflinchingly honest with her as he had been with everyone else.
Mathew looked up from the sandwich he was cooking as I stormed into the kitchen in a huff. When I swung at him, he didn’t even flinch or seem shocked. He took a direct hit to the jaw from my fist. My knuckles hurt in that familiar way, but it was little. I had been used to it.
Not something I was used to doing: hitting my closest companion. There had been fights between us in the past, as siblings often do, but I’d never felt such a burning rage until now.
I pulled my next punch, but my other hand fisted in his shirt. I yanked him toward me so I could snarl in his face.
He stared at me, implacable as ever.
“Do you feel better now?” he asked coolly, not making a move to defend himself. “Does hitting me make you feel like the good person here?”
“Fuck you,” I snarled. I wasn’t accustomed to cussing at him, either. Not in anger.
He shrugged. “I’ll give you one more shot, if it’ll help you calm down and be reasonable. You’re acting like a pissy teenager. I need you to snap out of that shit and face this like a man.”
I dropped my fist and released him, shoving him away with another curse. It didn’t seem right to punch him, particularly since he wasn’t fighting back.