It’s been over a week since her divorce was final. She could still remember Bill’s expression when he left the court room. Broken, lost, remorseful. He told her he was sorry. His apology came too late. If she hadn’t done what she did, it wouldn’t have come at all. He agreed on the alimony, and the financial support for their two daughters. They agreed that Bill should keep the house, Catherine had no intention to go back to Bluebridge. It was a long couple of months of divorce court.
She was finally free from the life she thought she had to endure for the rest of her life. She thought she would feel exhilarated, she didn’t. It was just a sense of calm that came over her, peacefulness of the heart and mind. The taking back of herself that she now realized needed getting use to. She had to learn how to be herself again, as absurd as it may sound, but it’s true.
His warm hand rested on the small of her back, interrupting her gaze over the balcony. “Are you alright?” his heavy tone was like music to her ears.
She smiled and glanced at him, “Yeah,” her eyes went back to where she was staring before, far at the city landscape.
He leaned on the railing and stared at her. What he’d give to know what she was thinking about. It might take awhile until she could open up to him, but he was willing to wait. She was the woman he always knew he wanted to keep in his life. He had lost her once, he won’t lose her again.
“It’s strange isn’t it?” Cathy asked.
“What is?”
“Whenever you want something so badly, you always imagine what it would be like when you have it, what you would do when the time comes … and when you finally have it,” she shrugged, “It doesn’t feel like anything you thought it would.”
“Yeah? How does it feel like?”
“It’s … different …,” her face beamed, an innocent glow like she was still that girl he knew back in college. In a way, she still was. “It’s going to be okay, right, Malcolm? I think that’s the only thing preventing me from feeling the way I should … the wonder if everything’s going to be okay.”
Malcolm pulled her by her waist, “It’s okay now, isn’t it? I think it’s going to be more than okay … it’s going to be great,” he said.
She embraced him, put her face against his chest. He was exactly what she needed, an assurance. She looked up to his face and kissed him. It took him by surprise, she lingered in her kiss, her eyes closed, savoring every moment of their first kiss before she broke away.
She smiled at his bewilderment.
“I can’t believe you stole that from me … do you know how long I’ve been waiting to do that? And how many ways I’ve imagined it could go … and then you completely stole that from me.”
She laughed, “We can always do it again,” her eyes looked deep into his.
He wanted nothing more than to envelope her in his kiss, wrap her in his arms and make love to her through the night and day. But he didn’t want to skip the courting phase, knowing that she had just got out of a marriage, he didn’t want her to feel rushed. He didn’t want her to feel pushed into a relationship that she might regret because she didn’t take the time to be free.
“Would you like to have dinner with me?” he asked her instead.
She gasped, “I would love to.”
He hugged her, “We can take this as slow as you want … I want you to be absolutely sure without a single thread of doubt that you …”
Her lips were on his again, this time longer. The feel of another man’s lips on hers send shivers down her spine, but he wasn’t just another man, Malcolm was always close to her heart. “Okay,” she said afterwards.
He smiled, kissed her forehead, and they embraced each other in silence.
**********
They sat by the fireplace at Tom’s flat. It was the first time they ever lit it up. Goldstone’s weather was generally cool, they never needed to light up a fire, especially when summer was approaching. They didn’t lit it up for warmth. They had the tape laid on the floor next to them. Tommy had been contemplating on whether he wanted to see what’s in it or not, despite what Deeta had told him.
It was two hours of his life that was lost in his memory, except for fragments that came to him in a dream.
“Don’t you wanna know what happened?” he asked.
They sat on the floor facing each other, Charlie glanced at the tape and shook her head. “Do you?”
He exhaled deeply, “A part of me wants to fill in that gap … the other part doesn’t think it’s worth it.”
She dug her hands in his hair, “Which part are you going to listen to?”
He looked into her eyes, “The part you think is best.”
She cupped her face, pulled him to kiss her. “I love you … with or without that two hours you lost … it doesn’t matter to me … but …”
He waited, the fire reflected on his ice blue eyes.
“You know Malcolm had seen it, right?”
He grimaced, followed with their laughter. “We’re going to regret all these shitty things we did, aren’t we?” Tommy said.
Her hands were still cupping his face, she pulled him again to kiss him. “Not unless we have to explain them to our children.”
He fell silent, even after all that happened, Charlie could see a future with him. He never felt so loved with just one short sentence. He rubbed his face in distress, “You’re right … let’s burn it … be done with it … ”
He took the tape with one hand, the other was still wrapped around her waist. He looked at her again before throwing the tape into the fire. “Now we don’t have to explain if we don’t even know what’s in it.”
She nodded. They watched it melt in the fire, the last remaining evidence of what took place that night. He pulled her in, she climbed on his lap.
“Now what?” he asked.
“Now take off my clothes and make love to me in front of this fireplace … just like our first time.”
He smiled, “Better than the first time.”
“I love you, Tommy,” she said, almost in a whisper.
“You have no idea how much I love you.”