“What is this?” Bill asked about the folder laid beside his morning coffee and newspaper.
Catherine sat across the table, sipped on her chamomile, tried to appear calm. She didn’t reply, he could read it himself.
Bill opened the folder, skimming through the document as Catherine watched his face turned into a frown. “Is this some kind of a joke?” he glared at her.
She kept quiet.
“Catherine? What is this?” he let go of the file, it flew on the table.
“It’s divorce papers, Bill, you were a lawyer once … you should know that.”
He sat back on his chair, the look on his face was a look of disbelief. This was something he never thought would happen. “Are you joking with me? Is this some kind of stunt you’re trying to pull to get my attention? If it is … you got my full attention … what do you want, Cathy?”
Cathy put down her teacup with a solemn look, she stared at the man sitting across from her. Half her heart was aching, the other filled with courage. “I want a divorce, Bill, I want to stop being your wife.”
“Why?” he threw his hands in the air like it was the strangest thing he had ever heard. “I’ve given you everything you need, haven’t I? This house … everything in it … you have a full staff to do all the chores for you, the cars, a driver … you can go anywhere you like … what else do you want from me? Just tell me, Catherine, … I’ll give it to you.”
His words resonated in her mind, the same question she asked herself for years. What else did she want from him? She finally had the answer. “Nothing,” she said. “It may be hard for you to understand … I want nothing from you, Bill, I just don’t want to be your wife anymore.”
His stomach turned, it felt like a big rock was stuck inside and it was about to burst. He knew his marriage wasn’t the best, otherwise he wouldn’t be sleeping with other women. He made a lot of mistakes along the way but Catherine wasn’t free of fault either. It takes two in a marriage and he wasn’t going to be the only one to blame.
“Is there someone else?” he asked.
It made Cathy laugh, “Are you seriously asking me that?”
“I know you blame me for my infidelity … but we both know that’s not what it’s all about … you’ve been so cold to me for years … you never let me touch you again … it’s as if you’ve stopped loving me for as long as I can remember … it made me think like you never did,” his voice was still calm and cool.
“Let’s not try to analyze it, every marriage has it’s problems, nobody’s perfect … but I’m not one to find a solution outside of our marriage and feed my ego with women who can tell you what you want to hear all the time … you’re a coward for doing that and that’s why I never want you to touch me … it’s disgusting what a coward you are, and to think that you’re trying to blame it on me?”
Catherine burst out in a laugh, it wasn’t funny, of course. She laughed at the irony, at her narcissistic husband who refused to believe that she was fed up with him, that she simply just didn’t want to have anything to do with him anymore.
“Haven’t you been listening to yourself, Bill? This marriage was over a long time ago … neither of us have put any effort to salvage it … it’s time to wake up, Bill … nothing lasts forever … nothing … sometimes, the simplest thing is the obvious solution, it’s over … we’re done.”
He slammed his hands on the table, it jolted Catherine at her seat. “This is not over unless I say so, Catherine! I have worked all my life to get where I am now … I didn’t do all that to lose my family!”
Catherine stood up slowly and faced her husband, “Do you remember what you said to me before we got married? You said, ‘you can’t have everything you want, Cathy, you can’t pursue your dream in Goldstone and have a family with me, you have to choose’ … and I chose you … over my own life …” tears started to fill up her pupils. “You can’t have everything you want, Bill, you’ve got what you dreamed of, what you’ve worked so hard for, all the things you chose over me … a choice I should’ve made then … but I want you to know … I don’t regret it … but you should.”
Bill stood numb as he watched his wife walk away. Before she stepped out of the door, she stopped and said, “I’m leaving tomorrow morning … Charlene called and said she needs me over there … I’ll be staying in Goldstone until this matter is resolved … you’ll be hearing from my lawyer.”
“Your lawyer?” he scoffed. “And who might that be?”
Catherine paused before answering, “Malcolm … Malcolm Blackwell,” then she walked out the door.
Bill stood alone in the now silent room, he could almost hear his ego crushed underneath Catherine’s footsteps. Catherine … his beloved wife … the only woman in his life that could make him feel less than a man. No matter how hard he tried to fit her into that tiny space of domestication, dimmed her glow, and put her in a place low enough for her to look up to him, she always made him feel like he was not worthy of her.
She locked her bedroom door, she was afraid he might follow her and demanded more explanation, he might try and stop her from leaving. She packed up her suitcases, just enough to get by for a few months while waiting for the court order. She will get the rest later, when it’s done.
Catherine looked around her bedroom, it felt surreal to her. She might never sleep in that room ever again after that night. With both her children gone out of the house, she felt like she was really going to start her life again. She was really leaving Bill Ludlow.
**********
Standing in front of her old apartment with suitcases at her feet felt like she was half dreaming. She wondered what her daughter wanted to talk to her about that was so important, it couldn’t be more important than what she had to tell her. She might need to see her daughter’s state of mind first before breaking the news about the divorce.
“Mom?” Charlie opened the door with a gasp. She jumped to hug her. “I’m so glad you’re here,” she said and didn’t want to let go of her arms around her.
“I’m glad to see you too …” Catherine broke the embrace to look at her daughter. It was more than the welcome she expected.
As soon as she let go, her daughter broke down and cried. Her heart sank. “What’s the matter, Charlene? Is everything alright?” the first thing that came to her mind.
Charlie wiped the tears from her cheeks. She was alone in the apartment. “Come in, mom, there’s so many things I need to tell you.”
Catherine pulled her suitcases in, Charlie was puzzled by how many things her mom brought. “That’s a lot of stuff you bring, mom?”
“Well … you’re not the only one who has a story to tell,” she smiled stiffly. “Let’s hear it then, … what do you want to talk to me about?”