Theo sat on his bed, his head buried in his hands. He couldn’t believe the mess he had gotten himself into. He loved Hazel with all his heart, but he had lied to her. He couldn’t even remember how it had all started.
He left his girlfriend in Gastonbury because he knew he wanted to spend the summer with the girl that got away. The moment he saw her at the dance, he was instantly back to where he left off and his girlfriend just disappeared in the background. Grace … her name … his girlfriend.
It was never serious with Grace. It was never serious with any of the girls he had been with after Peyton. Subconsciously, he was trying to move on from losing Hazel because he was too much of a coward to fight for her in the first place.
He knew it would have to be Hazel. He had taken their relationship for granted for years, but they were just kids. One year apart from her had only made his feelings stronger and he had ruined it for the both of them when he couldn’t stop himself from falling head over heels with Hazel while Grace was still waiting for him to reply to her text messages.
He knew he had to come clean. The longer he waited, the worse his timing was. He had to tell Hazel the truth, no matter how painful it would be. But he didn’t know how to do it. How could he tell her that he had been lying to her this whole time? There was never the right moment to break her heart and to risk losing her all over again.
He wished he could just turn back time and do things differently, but he knew that was impossible. He had to face the reality of his situation. He began by confronting Grace and told her it was over between them. He told her he had seen someone else in his hometown.
She freaked out. She was screaming and accused him of deliberately left her in Gastonbury because he wanted to see this girl he was talking about. Grace was right. It made him felt even more terrible how he had lied to her too.
Then she showed up at his doorstep with tears pouring out of her eyes telling him how cruel he was to have done such a thing to her. It was Peyton Brown all over again. He had dumped this poor girl because he was in love with his best friend’s little sister. He was the villain once again.
Instead of telling Hazel the truth, he told Hazel he had family coming over and he had to postpone his visit to Goldstone. He could barely talk to her on the phone because Grace was there, demanded him to explain why he had chosen to break up with her. She wanted him to rethink about their relationship and get back together because she was still very much in love with him.
He did what he thought was right. He offered to drive her back to Gastonbury and convinced her that there’s nothing that she could do to change his mind. He was with Hazel and he loved her. He was going to tell Hazel everything when he get to Goldstone but then she showed up at his house that afternoon.
He would do anything to not see her hurt but lying wasn’t one of them. He couldn’t hear himself talking because his focus was solely on what Hazel was saying. Can she ever forgive him? He never felt so scared before in his life. Had he ruined this for good? She pushed him and walked away. She didn’t want to look at him.
And the worst part, she saw Grace coming out of his house. He could not imagine the depth of pain he had caused her. ‘It was my first time’ she said. He felt even more like a creep who had tricked her into bed for the first time.
He drove Grace back to Gastonbury that same afternoon and drove back to Chestnut in a hurry. He would drop by at her house but he was afraid she had told her parents about what happened then he would be screwed so he went home.
He kicked the chair in front of him and buried his face in his hands again. How is he going to get himself out of this mess? She wasn’t picking up her phone. She didn’t reply to his messages. He had sent her texts and emails explaining himself to her and he got nothing in return.
“Shit,” he said under his breath.
When night came, he braved himself to show up at her house. The lights were off except for her bedroom window. He climbed up the way he used to climb up to Max’s bedroom. He saw her from behind the sheer curtain. His heart swells and pounded hard at the same time.
“Micky … it’s me … can we talk? Please?” he spoke softly through the window.
It startled her, but she walked over and opened her window. It was clearly visible she had been crying. Maybe she hadn’t stopped since she left him in front of his house. He touched her face and she didn’t resist. He kissed her.
She broke away after a few seconds. He could feel it in their kiss that she had missed him too. He pulled her back in. He wasn’t done kissing her.
“No …” she pulled herself away again after a while. “You can’t do that … you lied to me … and I can’t forgive you,” she started crying again.
“What do you want me to do, Micky? Please just tell me what it is … I’ll do it … I’ll make it up to you … I’m sorry …” he pleaded.
She sat on her bed and hugged her knees, “Did you think you were going back to her after summer is over?”
“What? No!” he walked over and kneeled beside her bed, “No … Micky you have to believe me that was not what I was going to do … I broke up with her … it’s over between her and me.”
“What if I didn’t come back? What if I didn’t see her coming out of your house? You wouldn’t have told me about it and I wouldn’t know …”
“I was going to tell you, I swear it … Micky … please … I swear on my life I was going to tell you everything in Goldstone … I wanted to tell you everything once it was all over with her because I didn’t want you to worry.”
“How can I trust you now, Theo? I can’t believe anything you say to me now … you kissed me …. when you were still with Peyton … it seems like a pattern that you’re used to …”
“That’s not fair … you can’t judge me for that …”
“No? How is that different? You had a girlfriend and you kissed another girl … you had a girlfriend and you slept with me … how do I know that’s not gonna happen with me too?”
“It won’t! God! Hazel! I did all that because I was in love with you not because I wanted to cheat on my girlfriends …” he took her hand.
She yanked her hand away and shook her head, “I can’t do this, Theo … I can’t do this if I can’t trust you …”
“No … Hazel …” he knew he had done everything he could, and his heart sank to see that nothing is working.
“Please … leave me alone, Theo, I don’t want to see you …”
“Hazel …”
“No!” she buried her face into a pillow, “I don’t want to see you … just leave … ”
He could hear the muffled sound of her cry into the pillow. He realized there was nothing he could do to persuade her any longer. The night was getting late and he didn’t want her parents to wake up.
He wanted to kiss her so badly. He wanted to grab her into his embrace and kiss her like there’s no tomorrow because he hated himself for hurting her and he wanted her forgiveness. But all he could do was climbed out of her window and left her sobbing on her bed knowing how much she hated him for what he’d done to her.