Josh couldn’t remember the last time he watched his wife sleeping and felt … happy. She used to be a joy to be with. Funny, full of life, flirtatious as hell, and he always looked forward to come home to her.
Now, coming home to her was the thing he dreaded the most. It’s been like that for as long as he can remember. Belinda would lay on the sofa, or the bed, or the floor, half conscious or completely unconscious, sometimes with vomit all over. And when she finally opened her eyes, she would pick a fight.
He told himself it was the alcohol. It wasn’t her. He married a wonderful person who was loving and crazy about him as he was crazy about her too. But she couldn’t tame her demon, she couldn’t stop herself from opening a bottle and took that first sip that led to the next until the bottle was empty and by that time, her hands were on default to reach for another bottle and it went on like that until her mind was numbed.
The life she had before he met her wasn’t easy. Though it’s not an excuse, it was certainly the reason why she needed something for her pain. It gotten worse after Eli’s death.
Their love for each other used to be enough to sooth each other’s wound, but after years of marriage and family life, it was as if their love had dried up, evaporated through bickering and complains, lies and deceits just so they can get away from each other. And that afternoon, as Josh watched his wife sleeping on the sofa with an empty bottle on the coffee table, he felt absolutely nothing.
He was leaning against the wall looking at her as she opened her eyes with a painful grimace. He had been building up his courage while waiting for this moment. He was ready for whatever was on the menu with Belinda that day, it was always different but it was always hostile especially towards him.
She raised her arm to shield her eyes from the afternoon sun that penetrated through the glass window, “You’re still here …” she said followed with a scoff. She sat up slowly and looked at the empty bottle on the table.
Josh could see she was thinking, her head must be pumping from the first bottle she had already finished and now she was thinking to get another one.
“I spoke to Dr. Seymour earlier,” he began.
She glared at him, she had stop being interested in Dr. Seymour since he stopped her medication because he was worried about her alcohol intake. He had gradually taken her off her antidepressant because it would contradict with her drinking. Though she needed her pills, she chose her drinks.
“He said he will prescribe you some medication for your mood swings,” Josh continued.
Her eyes widened with hope, the combination of antidepressant with alcohol might be deadly but it was her happy place because she would forget about everything and felt peace.
“He will do that at his clinic in Goldstone, he’ll give you the full set for a six month therapy … a supervised rehabilitation, you will have a private session with him twice a week, and a group session once a week,” he added.
Belinda furrowed her brows, what her husband was saying had just materialized in her brain. “You can’t be serious? I am not going into rehab if that’s what you’re suggesting … Dr. Seymour can kiss my ass, I don’t need his prescription drugs!”
Josh folded his arms in front of him and inhaled deeply, “I know you don’t want to, but you need to do this Belinda … it’s getting out of hand.”
“Like hell I am! I’m not going to be locked up in a facility like some crazy person for six months! I’m fine! I can handle this!”
He could see her eyes were sobering up by this revelation, he knew he was going to be challenged but there was no other way. “You can’t handle it, everyone knows that … you drink yourself to sleep every day sometimes you pass out … I have to be in Goldstone to work, the clinic is in Goldstone so I can check on you regularly … you can’t stay here with Marlon anymore, he’s only 17 … he’s not old enough to take care of this situation … not that this is any of his responsibility, he’s gone through so much lately, and I can’t be in two places at one time.”
“Hah … listen to yourself … explaining things like you’re taking care of everything, making it sound like the right thing to do … where were you all these years when we needed you? Huh? How many minutes did you spend with your sons and me since they were born? And now … when everything is falling apart … you come here acting like a hero trying to fix things when you could’ve prevented it if you just make time and give just a little care for us … instead you care more about your movies and your bimbos that you’re fucking in Goldstone!”
Josh shook his head, here we go, he thought. “You can blame me all you want Belinda, I’m not the one who shitfaced by sundown every day and had no idea where our sons are … hell, you don’t even know where you are half the time … that is if you can still open your eyes and walk to the cabinet to get more drinks.”
“Shut up! I know what I’m doing, I know my limit … what do you expect me to do? Wait around looking pretty for you to come home after you fuck other women while you work? And now you’re getting rid of me completely to a clinic for 6 months so you can be free from any kind of responsibility for your family? I am not going to that clinic, you can’t make me!”
“Actually I can … because you are no longer considered competent to make rational decisions for yourself let alone for other people, so I have to be the one taking responsibility for everyone’s wellbeing … I will not be blamed for neglecting my own family because you can’t give up the bottle, you are going to that rehab whether you want to or not … it will be better for you if you go willingly and sign this admission letter,” Josh produced a piece of paper for her to sign.
“Go to hell!” she picked up the empty bottle in front of her and threw it across the room at Josh.
The bottle smashed against the wall near where he stood, he stepped away in time before the pieces of sharp glasses could penetrate his skin. And that was the crashing sound the kids heard from the study.
“Are you fucking crazy? That could’ve hit me!” he screamed.
“That was the idea! I’m not signing that paper, I will not be put away for 6 months for your convenience, Josh, you can fuck all those girls all you want … but you can’t get rid of me! I’ll fight you for it, you know I will!” she pull all her strength to get up and walked over to her husband.
“Well it doesn’t matter if you don’t sign, because like I said, I have agreed to submit you for psychiatric evaluation and substance abuse rehabilitation, and I can do that because you are a danger to yourself and others … and that bottle throwing stunt you just pulled was a clear example … what if it had cut me in the face Belinda, huh?” they were drawing closer to each other, both were in fighting mode.
“You fucking bastard!” she shoved him on the chest with both hands, “Is this how you want to ruin me? My son just died, so I drink more than I usually do … and now you’re making that as an excuse to get rid of me? Is that what this is? And before I know it … there will be someone else replacing me after six months? And what then? huh? You son of a bitch! Are you going to take everything from me??” she was screaming to his face and she pushed him again.
“You have a vile imagination Belinda … is that what you think of me? Can’t you see yourself in the mirror?” he grabbed his wife and turned her around to face the window where they can see their reflection. “Look at yourself … have you seen yourself lately? When was the last time you shower? Huh? You can’t even take care of yourself, when was the last time you eat properly? You are drinking yourself to your own undoing, you are ruining yourself … I’m only trying to help you! And there’s only one way to help you now … can’t you see?”
She had lost more weight in the past few months, she was frail and her skin was drying up. He was right, she looked terrible but she hated him for pointing it out to her because her looks had always been something she was proud of the most. And that too is gone.
As they both look at their reflection in the glass window, they could see how their relationship had changed from the way they were holding each other. He was pinning her hands behind her back with one hand and the other hand holding her chin up so she can see straight in the glass. What used to be sexual was not filled with negative emotions. And as the reality sunk in, they saw another reflection in the glass. Two pairs of eyes were looking back at them in shock and horror.