The carnival was rather crowded. Families with small children, teenagers, young couples mostly. He scanned the whole area for suspicious looking people. A lone man in the corner, a couple of guys that didn’t dress casually enough to be there, anyone that was looking their way, he didn’t notice anything worth worrying about, but he worried nonetheless.
He doesn’t go to these places unless it was for a job. Come to think of it, he doesn’t go anywhere that has any crowd of people having innocent fun. His life was all about observing other people’s lives from afar, following them around to study their routines, and go to sleazy bars where he can stay invisible to find a willing participant to get it off his system.
His senses heightened. He can hear every little detail that was going on around him, and in a carnival, there’s a lot going on.
Ari was busy with her corn dog and a maxi cup of soda. She dragged him along to try everything they had to offer, every game booth, every snack, the carousel, the haunted house, like a little girl who went to the playground for the first time.
She squished his frowning face, “Smile … you look like a bored boyfriend,” she laughed.
He looked at her sharply, still not smiling, “It’s been more than 30 minutes … we should go.”
“Oh come on … don’t be a bore … there’s still so many things to do around here, it’s not like we have to go somewhere,” she pulled his hand.
“You know, with this kind of behavior, you won’t last a week on the run.”
She laughed, “Why do you care so much if I make it or not anyway?”
It struck him, why did he care so much? But he did. He didn’t reply.
“What’s the rush? We’ll just be checking in to a sleazy motel and listening to some masher banging on a hooker in the next room anyway,” she giggled, “And that’ll be awkward.”
They looked at each other for a brief moment. It’s true what she said, the motel walls were thin and most of the guests that were staying were people having sex all night. Sometimes the bang was loud enough that it knocked their bedroom wall. It was awkward.
“Come on … I want that cotton candy you promised me, and then we’ll get on the Ferris wheel for a few spin,” she held his hand and led the way.
She was anxious when waiting for the cotton candy to form into a puffy blob of snow. It reminded her of her childhood when she used to have the machine at her birthdays, the first half of her life when Armand was not around. Good times.
It was sticky, sweet, fluffy and it melts in her mouth like magic. She was laughing at how good it made her feel.
He was admiring the scene in private. It did feel like he was out on a date. The thing he hadn’t done in 10 years. It was weird and wonderful at the same time. On to the Ferris wheel they went.
She looped her arm around him and leaned her head on his shoulder. He wanted to let go of her, she was getting too close, too fast, he didn’t know how to respond to it. She wasn’t supposed to do that. But he wanted her to, more than he wanted her not to.
“He’s not always like that you know?” she said on the Ferris wheel. “We were just kids once, that’s how I knew him first … and I kept reminding myself that he was the same boy that I fell in love with when I was 12,” her eyes gazed down to the scenery of the carnival below and the darkness that surrounded it.
“But he’s not a boy anymore.”
She was silent for a brief moment, “No … he’s not … I can’t remember when it all changed, we started dating when I was 16, he was 18 … he was that cool college guy all the girls at my school wanted to date … he drove a Lamborghini and surrounded by cool friends and entourage … he’s got that rich boy attitude but always so charming towards me … he treated me like his princess and I was so proud of it.”
He creased his brows, “Maybe he was always that person … you just chose not to see it.”
“We were in love, and in a weird twisted way … I know that he loves me still … I just don’t understand why he did all those things to prove it and hurt me at the same time.”
“Because he’s an abuser, Ari, he manipulated you into thinking that he did all that out of love … he just wants to own you like he owns everything else in his life … he’s sick … maybe he does love you in his sick twisted way, but it’s more of an obsession if you ask me, possession, and it doesn’t justify all the bad things he did and hurt you.”
She shook her head, “Of course not … I just couldn’t wrap my head around it … for years I tried to understand him …”
He took her hand, “There is nothing to understand … he’s bad, Ari, you were too in love with him to accept that, and he made sure you don’t have anyone to tell you that he’s bad for you … he killed your best friend, that’s the last straw don’t you think? He may even have killed your parents. How long do you think it will take before he kills you too?”
She covered her face with both hands, “I know … you’re right, I guess I’ve always known … I was just in denial … I thought if I could understand him … everything will be okay, maybe he could change, I can help him because I was the only one who really cared about him.”
“You deserve so much better than him … and you know … he will never stop looking for you, you have been his possession all those years, he needs you to be there with him all the time … you’re a reminder of how powerful he is … he will never let you go.”
Tears started pushing out from her eyes. She wiped them away. She had tried not to let herself get to that place again but there she was. Torn, abused and confused.
“I think … subconsciously … when you hired an assassin to kidnap you … you knew what you really wanted to do … you just needed time to convince yourself, you didn’t really want to run away from him … you want him dead.”
She burst into tears. Even after he laid it all out, she couldn’t bring herself to admit it. How could she want him dead when she felt so much love for that man, if anyone can call it love, or whatever it was that just wouldn’t let her be free.