It’s been so long since he last put on a tie. He tried to remember how to tie it as he went along. Standing in front of a standing mirror, suited up, hair pulled back tied in a tail, beard all trimmed and smelling like how a Cromwell should. Jordan didn’t realize how dazzling he looked, he didn’t really care.
She took over, undid the mangled tie around Jordan’s collar, gently she pulled and tucked, not making any eye contact. She had put on a light make-up and the prettiest soft peach dress, revealing her lean tall figure and her porcelain skin. She took his breath away and she didn’t even know it.
She had stopped crying hours ago, she put on a smile in exchange but she didn’t fool Jordan. He knew her wall of maze-like the back of his hand. Her ups and downs, her ways of getting to a thought through a route not many people would take, and the emotional roller coaster all the way there. When she was done with his tie, the sweetest smile curved her lips, she finally looked at him in the eyes but she was still riding that invisible roller coaster and Jordan knew it had nothing to do with him.
He couldn’t get himself to ask, he wasn’t ready for her answer. “Thank you,” he said softly. Esmee replied with a simple half nod, she quickly turned away, not wanting Jordan to read her like a book, how much she worries about Adrian. If she looked at Jordan a few seconds longer, she would lose it all again and it’s killing her, what she’s doing to him. Jordan took a step back, he knew when to leave her alone.
He wondered if anyone would ever know what he knew about Adrian. The one thing that he kept to himself for so long, even after what just happened between him and Esmee, he’d still keep it to himself. He swore it, he’s never broken an oath.
They were only fourteen years old, two broken boys bound from the very first ‘hello’ when they met at the old ruins of an empty building. Neither of them knew who the other one was, but it was a connection that rarely happened between two people who knew right from the start that they were meant to be brothers.
They came to the same place every day to escape their reality, and what a joy it was to have someone else to do it with. They both shared the same pain of losing their mother at the same age and dealing with an absent father. But Adrian had it worse, he was often beaten badly by his father who blamed him for his mother’s death. Sometimes when Jordan arrived, he found him with blood coming out of his nose, bruised face, a broken arm or sometimes he was just sitting with a blank stare with tears streaming down his cheeks.
Sometimes they stayed there all night, lit up a fire, and burned marshmallows. Sleeping on a dusty floor without electricity was better than going back to a place they call home, but felt more like a hell hole. They didn’t always stay inside, they took strolls out in town just to explore and see what the town had to offer. One fateful night, they were out in the town, not far from the woods where no one would visit after dark, they were confronted by Oliver Addams.
He’s been following them for a while and finally caught up with them near the woods in the East of town. “You didn’t come home yesterday, I was wondering where you ran off to all these times,” Jordan remembered how Adrian shrank and trembled at the sight of his father, his face went white.
“You some kind of a queer, boy? Hangin’ out with a boy the way you’re not supposed to?” his voice was firm and condemning.
“No, sir,” his voice was barely heard.
“If your mama was still around, she would whoop your ass for not coming home and wander around at night,” he walked toward them, as he came closer, Jordan can smell beer almost as if it was a scent of perfume he was wearing.
Oliver took a glance at Jordan, his eyes were watery and not focused, the eyes of a drunken man. “You know what you look like? Two pretty boys wandering around looking for a quiet place in the woods … if I didn’t know any better, I’d think you two are in love,” he chuckled sarcastically. Oliver pulled Adrian by his collar, “You a fucking queer boy?” he accused him again.
“No, sir, we’re not..”
“Well, I don’t believe you!” Oliver slapped him hard on the face, Jordan could almost feel it. Adrian raised both his palms to shield his face, he knew those slaps would come again, and he was right. Oliver only needed a reason to do it, he didn’t really care what his son was doing with his friend.
Jordan tried to stop him, but he took a hit himself when he did. The beating got out of control, he was now kicking him after he fell on the ground and started to choke him.
“No, dad! Please, stop!! Please!!” he pleaded while trying to loosen his father’s grip around his neck. “I’m sorry … I’ll come home …” but Oliver wasn’t listening. He was consumed by how much he hated that face, a boy who looked like his dead wife. “Dad … I can’t breathe … I … can’t …” Adrian was almost out of breath when Jordan found a boulder large enough to knock him unconscious.
Oliver fell on his back, his eyes closed. Adrian was choking and coughing, trying to regain his breathing. “Adrian! Are you okay?” Jordan was panicking. Adrian nodded. “Oh, God! I think he’s dead!” he checked Oliver’s neck for a pulse. “What do we do? What do we do, man??” Adrian was still gasping for air.
Jordan helped his friend up, they looked around, they were alone. “We have to get out of here!” said Jordan. Adrian shook his head, still unable to speak. He checked his father for signs, and the man opened his eyes and grabbed his hand. Adrian hit him hard on reflex and started to choke him.
“Adrian?? What the fuck??” Jordan was pacing, he couldn’t organize his thoughts. Oliver’s eyes were wide and bulging, his tongue was peeking out from between his lips, his face was turning blue, his feet were kicking but not hard, they were losing strength.
He would never forget the way Adrian looked at his dying father as he squeezed as hard as he could, he looked his father in the eyes calmly, deep cold stare, and was sure that he wasn’t going to let go until the light in those eyes went out for good. With the strength of a 14-year-old boy, he held on as his father twitched and let out a sound of finally letting go of his life.
Adrian slowly stood up, still looking at his father, who is now dead. Not showing any visible emotion, he had just closed one chapter of his life, and then his eyes flipped back, went white, and fell on the ground.
“Shit!! Shit!! Shit!! Adrian??! What the fuck??” Jordan was hyperventilating, he sat down holding his head with both hands. What the hell is he going to do now?
He took Oliver’s body into the woods, not very far from the outer side. It wasn’t easy dragging a full-grown man’s body by himself, but he managed to pull him in about 100 meters into the trees. He dug a shallow grave with a rock and his bare hands and buried the body in there. It took him almost three hours to complete the job, Adrian was still flat unconscious when he was done.
The smell of beer would always remind him of that day, he vomited uncontrollably near the unmarked grave, he crawled out of the woods having no strength left to even walk.
Jordan laid beside Adrian, staring blankly at the moonless sky when Adrian finally came to, “What happened? Why are we sleeping on the ground?” he had no memory of what just happened. “Why are you all dirty?”
Jordan shrugged, “I fell into a hole … let’s just go back and get some sleep.” They walked back to what would be The Dungeon to get some sleep, Adrian went straight into a deep sleep, while Jordan stayed up for days. The secret still haunts him until this day. With Adrian gone missing, he’s not sure if he’s ready to let him go without him ever knowing what really happened that day.