Exhaustion doesn’t come close to what I’m feeling. It’s late afternoon and I’ve been walking for hours. I can’t physically run anymore. It will be dark in about two hours judging by the sun and I am staying on the edge of the forest that follows the road as I don’t want to get lost. I turn and look back the way I have come. God, am I even going the right way? I do seem to have come a long distance but what happens if the closest house is like eighty miles from anywhere. Shit. Just keep going, or the mind will hold you back. Stop thinking I remind myself. I won’t be able to see when night falls so I will have to find somewhere safe to sleep. Where is it safe to sleep here? My eyes search the forest. Now in Australia most of the scary things don’t come out at night, all the nocturnal animals are relatively harmless, but in America I have no frigging idea. My face drops. Oh shit, bears. Are there bears in these woods? My eyes widen. Do they eat people? What about wolves… I’m so screwed.
Shit, I need a fire. How do you light a fire without a match? I shake my head at my stupidity. Survivor… I hate that fucking show and now I know why. This is totally shit. I hate surviving. At least if I had watched it I would have a faint idea what to do now, but no… I had to watch Dating Naked. What the hell am I ever going to learn from a show like Dating Naked other than that people are surprisingly stupid? I’m such an idiot. I keep walking and looking up into the trees as I walk. Maybe I should climb a tree? Hmm, no. I will fall out and break my neck as soon as I go to sleep, but I should sleep under a tree so that I can climb it if a bear comes to eat me. Why didn’t I bring the knife, oh god. I had to think of that, didn’t I? It was lodged in Carl’s neck, Natasha, you idiot.
I carry on up a steep hill and when I finally get to the top I hear the rushing sound of water in the valley below. Omg, water. I start to run with renewed purpose down the embankment towards the sound of the stream. Shit it’s away from the road. I stand and look at the road and then back into the forest where I hear the water coming from. It could be a long way away-I’m not risking it. I get lost in a shopping mall carpark, no way am I getting lost out here. I have drank nine litres of water over the last three days in preparation for this so I should be ok. I really would love a drink though. Tough shit as Joshua would say and I trudge back up the hill towards the road as I smile. I’m going to see my man soon and I picture his face when he finds out I’m still alive. My eyes tear up. After tonight it’s only two days until our wedding. I look down at myself covered in dirt, filthy with ripped track pants on. This isn’t the preparation I had planned. Oh well, suck it up princess and get moving.
After another hour of walking I am too exhausted to carry on and I sit on a large rock just in the bushland. The road looks to be about 500 metres away and I see a car come out of a road up ahead that I hadn’t noticed before and turn onto the one I have been following. I dip down to go unnoticed. Shit they are going towards the house I have just run from-have I been busted? I look back in the direction the car came from. I’m going the right way. That car came from somewhere and I stand with renewed purpose and start walking again. I was going to stop and sleep somewhere for the night but forget it. I’m getting home to my family tonight, even if I have to walk all night. I stay just inside the line of trees and finally come to the turn-off in the road that the car came from and I look down it tentatively. What do I do? Which way do I go? Here I stand on the corner of two roads, not a clue in hell which way to go, and I know my and Joshua’s whole entire future rests on this decision. I look down the road that I just followed that goes to the house of hell and then down the road to the left. I’m going this way because that car came from somewhere.
I continue to keep walking but I keep tripping as sunlight turns to darkness and I can’t see where I’m going. This is getting dangerous. I have to stop or I am going to break my leg. I find a large tree that has a big flat rock under it and I curl up into a ball on top of the rock. My eyes look around at the dark, cold and scary surroundings and for the first time today I let my fear sink in and the tears start to flow. “Please let me get home,” I whisper into the darkness. I know nobody is looking for me. Everyone already thinks I’m dead and if I die out here nobody will be any the wiser. “Please let me get home, please let me get home,” I repeat as a mantra. The darker it gets, the noisier the forest becomes with insects and animals and I lie still as I listen to them. What’s my beautiful Joshua doing now in prison? Is he ok? I smile. I did it. I broke out. I’m tougher than I think I am.
Hold on, Joshua my darling. I’m coming.
I wake freezing and slightly damp. It’s dawn and I survived the night… just. I stand and pain rips through my muscles and I smile stupidly. Funnily enough rocks are uncomfortable to sleep on, fancy that. I stretch to try and relieve some of the tightness in my muscles. I’m so frigging sore from my sprinting yesterday. That’s it, if I make it out of here alive I’m getting fit. Hell I might start cage fighting too, why not? I just stabbed a guy in the frigging neck. I frown in disgust at my alarming thoughts. Oh god. I look back at the bushland following the road and I start walking. It’s overcast and cold, and I need to keep moving.
After walking for hours it’s late afternoon. I’m starving hungry and thirsty, and I need to find some water to drink. For the last hour I have been running. It’s raining and although I need the water I know I will be freezing overnight out here with no protection. I keep stopping and opening my mouth to the sky, trying to get some fluids into my system. Where’s that honey Bear Grylls when you need him to make you a tent and a water bottle? I keep going and up ahead I see a driveway go off the main road and up into a mountain. Oh a house. I start to run through the forest in the direction of the house until I reach the driveway. It’s on the opposite side of the road to the forest I am in and I have to go across a paddock and then the road to get to it. It’s risky. If the car comes looking for me at that same time I will be found as I will be totally out in the clear with nowhere to hide. They would probably be looking for me by now. Actually why hasn’t anyone driven down this road? I frown. That’s strange. He’s dead, Carl’s dead, so he hasn’t called for help at all. But then sometimes he would stay with me for twenty-four hours so maybe that was a long shift and so nobody’s found out yet.
I look both ways, scooch down and start to go out into the open paddock towards the road. I continually check the road to make sure nobody is coming and I continue up the hill towards the road. My feet are cut up and the socks have spots of blood on them but I haven’t taken my socks off to look because I don’t want to see the damage. I don’t need another barrier in my head. I finally get to the side of the road and bend down and look both ways. This is risky. The road is dirt with big rocks on it and I have to sprint which means my feet are going to be ripped apart even more. The rain starts pouring down and my heart starts to pump heavily. I take some deep breaths and then I sprint for my life across the road and up the winding driveway. My feet are hurting so much that my tears start to fall as I run up the driveway in the torrential rain. I keep running and running as I cry until finally I am out of sight of the main road and I slump on a rock and cry into my hands. This is a nightmare. “You’re nearly there,” I scream out into the raindrops. “Keep fucking going,” I yell at myself. I stand and keep hobbling up the hill. What if this isn’t even a house? What if it’s just a road that goes to nowhere? “Why are you raining on me?” I scream. “This is hard enough!” I yell. “Pull yourself together, fruitcake,” I mutter under my breath. The driveway has gone over a hill and down a few bends and darkness has fallen. I am deep in the forest and as scared as hell. I can’t even walk properly now. I’m hobbling like an old woman. I need to rest my feet, so I will just walk over this next hill and then I will sit down for a while and rest. Yes, keep going, keep going, I keep repeating to myself.