I drop my head to hide my distress as my heart races out of control. Why does he affect me like this?
“Hello Adrian.” His eyes search mine. This is the first time I have seen him since that dreaded morning when he said goodbye.
I regain my manners and stand to greet him and shake his hand. “Hello Nicholas.”
“How long are you here?” Joshua asks as I return to safety behind my desk.
“Um.” His chest rises and his eyes flick to me. He’s nervous. “That depends,” he replies quietly.
I pick up my pen and hold it between two hands. “On what?” I ask flatly.
“On you Adrian.”
I roll my eyes. “Don’t start your shit Nicholas, you know the score.” I throw my pen onto the desk angrily.
Joshua narrows his eyes at me. “That will be my cue to leave then.” He shakes Nicholas’s hand. “Lovely seeing you mate. Call by the house. Natasha would love to catch up.”
What’s Joshua playing at? I’m going to kill him. Nicholas nods, obviously flustered at my sudden outburst. We both stare after Joshua as he leaves the room.
His eyes meet mine. “What’s with the attitude?” he says calmly.
“I told you not to come here,” I reply.
“Well I have and you are giving me half an hour.”
“I’m at work and very busy for the next couple of days.”
“Make time!” he snaps.
I scratch the back of my head in frustration. “Take a seat,” I sigh.
He sits down and looks around. “Nice office.”
I nod. “Yes.”
“How long have you been here?”
I raise my eyebrows. “Do you really want to know the answer to that question? Are you here to talk about my office?”
He rolls his lips as his eyes hold mine again. “I’m sorry about before,” he murmurs.
Hurt fills me, and I drop my eyes to my desk as I run my pointer finger along the edge.
“I thought I was ready,” he replies quietly.
I stay silent.
“I had no idea I was going to fall in love with you Adrian.”
I lift my eyes to meet his and hold my chin as I think.
“I handled it badly,” he whispers.
“Is that it?” I ask.
He frowns. “What do you mean?”
“Is that all you’ve got to say? As I mentioned I’m very busy today,” I reply.
His face drops. “Why are you being such a cold bastard?”
I fake a smile. “Really? You’re calling me a cold bastard. How ironic.”
He holds his head at an angle. “Adrian please, can we just talk about this?”
“No,” I snap.
“Why not?”
“Because it will get us nowhere,” I reply.
“Do you still have feelings for me?” he asks quietly.
My stomach drops. “No,” I reply flatly. “I’ve met someone else.”
His face drops. “You’re lying,” he whispers.
“Am I?” I ask.
“I know you are. I know you wouldn’t have moved on from what we had so quickly.”
Once again hurt rips through me. He knows me a lot better than I care to admit. I need to get away from this shit.
“Nicholas, I don’t have time for this. Please leave.”
“Can we have dinner tonight?” he pleads.
“No.”
“Why not? Just as friends.”
“I have a business dinner on tonight,” I reply.
“Can I be your date?” he asks hopefully.
“Fuck. No. Stop it!” I snap.
“Can’t we be friends?” he murmurs.
“I have enough friends, I don’t want another friend.”
“I’m not going anywhere until you agree to have dinner with me,” he pleads.
“Stop it. You’re acting crazy. We are finished, and it was your decision! End of story,” I snap.
His sad eyes look right through me. “I made a mistake,” he whispers.
I close my eyes as pain once again lances through me. “You did.”
“Just dinner,” he stammers.
I stand in a rush. “Leave me alone, Nicholas. I can’t fucking compete with a dead man!”
His face drops and his eyes tear up as his chest rises. I drop my head in shame that I just said that out loud.
“Please Nicholas, leave me be. I can’t do this,” I whisper.
He closes his eyes and swallows deeply. He stands and waits for me to look up at him… I don’t and two minutes later I hear my door quietly open and close.
And once again the enigmatic Nicholas Anastas has left my life… and once again I am left feeling empty and gutted.