I giggle and he clicks his juice glass with mine.
Joshua doesn’t even respond and my heart drops as my eyes flick to him. I doubt he is even hearing this conversation-he’s miles away. Oh god, what’s he thinking about? This is horrific. I glance at Cameron and he too is sitting pensive and still. I start to eat for China while I notice Joshua hasn’t eaten a thing.
After twenty minutes in this torture chamber I need to get away, I can’t handle seeing them like this. I stand and take my plate to the kitchen. “Thanks Adrian. I’m going to head back and start packing.” I smile as I gesture to the door with my thumb.
He stands and wraps his arms around me. “I’m so happy for you both.” He smiles. “I have been on Team Natasha all along you know.” He gently kisses my cheek and I melt. I really couldn’t ask for Joshua to have nicer friends. Day by day I’m coming to love Adrian just as much as he does. Unable to help it I tear up. I want to run away. I don’t want to have this damn conversation. It’s only going to cause more hurt… hurt that isn’t deserved. Adrian pulls back from our hug and frowns slightly at my tear-filled eyes.
“I’ll walk you out.” He gestures to the door and I reluctantly follow.
“I’ll be there in a minute presh,” Joshua calls after me.
“What’s wrong chick?” Adrian asks as he pulls me into an embrace and kisses my forehead.
I shake my head, unable to speak past the lump in my throat. “I’m just really happy,” I push out.
He smiles broadly. “Me too.”
I pull out of his grip and head back to the safety of our room where I start to pace as I wait for Joshua. For fifteen minutes I pace with my stomach in knots until finally he appears.
“You ok presh?” He sighs as he flops onto the bed and holds his arm out for me to join him.
I shake my head. “No Josh. I know something.”
He frowns. “What do you mean?” he asks.
My heart starts to hammer in my chest. “I have had a conversation with your mother about paternity.”
He frowns. “What do you mean?”
I try really hard but I can’t help it and the tears of guilt break the dam.
“Answer me Natasha!” he demands
I shake my head frantically. “I don’t actually know what’s true anymore and I haven’t told you before because I didn’t know whether it was true and…” I swallow the lump in my throat again. This is coming out all wrong.
“And what!” Joshua yells, making me jump.
“Margaret told me that she had a very hard time when Scott was a baby.”
He walks over to the window and stares out to sea with his back to me. “Go on,” he murmurs.
I twist my hands together in front of me nervously. “She and your father had grown apart and your mother thought he was having an affair.” His eyes snap around to me, and I shrug. “But I don’t know if that’s true anymore,” I whisper.
He slumps back onto the bed and runs both of his hands through his hair, unable to make eye contact with me.
“She told me that she had an affair and that you were another man’s child.”
Joshua’s horrified eyes meet mine. Dear god, help me.
Joshua frowns. “What do you mean?”
I swallow the huge lump in my throat. “I don’t know if it’s true.”
“What are you talking about?” he sneers.
“Just like I said,” I whisper, frightened.
“When?” he snaps.
The tears start to flow. “Your mother came to me when we were broken up.” I drop my head in shame.
Joshua stands deathly still as he inhales deeply.
“You never thought, not once, to tell me this!” he yells.
I jump at his venom as I break into full-blown tears. “Joshua, I’m so sorry,” I sob. “I didn’t know if it was true or if it was a test to see if she could trust me.”
He frowns as he listens to me. “You think this is a test?”
I shrug. “It can’t be true Joshua, you and Will have the same blood type. Her secret was a lie.”
He frowns as he drops to the bed and puts his head into his hands.
“It wasn’t my place to tell you. This is a family matter. I was so mad at your mother for telling me this.”
He looks up at me as a thought crosses his mind. “She told you this before you came to me?”
Oh shit, my stomach drops. “Yes,” I whisper.
“And that’s the only reason you came to me!” he yells, making me jump again.
I nod. “I thought I murdered my father, Joshua. She told me this so that I could forgive myself and for that I will always be grateful to her,” I whisper through tears.
He glares at me as he thinks.
“Joshua, I was dying… she was trying to help me in some fucked-up way.” My tears roll down my face as guilt eats me alive. “We don’t even know if it’s true!” I scream.
He stands and walks back over to the window as he thinks.
“I was protecting you,” I whisper.
He turns angrily. “You were protecting my mother!” he yells. He looks at me filled with disgust and storms past me out of the room.
He’s not going to forgive me for this. What have I done? I drop to the bed in a fit of tears. All along I knew this was coming and yet I talked myself into thinking it would be all ok. This is anything but ok. I should have told him… but then it’s not even true. Wait till I get my hands on that fucking bitch. I suddenly hear Max and Ben’s voices echoing through the front door. “Natasha,” Max calls.
I jump up and wave my hands around frantically. I don’t want them to see me crying. I run to the walk-in robe and close the door behind me. For some reason I think if I squat down they won’t know I’m in here. I sit, squatting, with a deep sense of dread hanging over me and I eventually hear them. “She must be with the girls,” Ben replies as they leave through the front door.
I hold my hand over my mouth as I think. What have I done? I knew he would blame me and, you know what, he has a right to. I should have told him. I knew this was wrong and I should have never agreed with his mother to keep her secret. That bitch. What a liar. And now it seems that Joshua and I may in fact be cousins after all. Dad, I’m sorry, I’ve messed up again. I slump to my bottom and really let the tears flow as I wallow in self-pity.