I race home like a lunatic to try and smuggle in before he gets here my new clothes that I bought in my lunch break. I drop the groceries in the kitchen and throw the clothes into my wardrobe still in their bags. I run around and make my bed like a maniac. I thought I would have had time to come home to straighten the house up before I went to the hospital tonight but I got snowed under at work. I rush to the kitchen to wash up my breakfast dishes. It sure doesn’t pay to be slobby. I am just finishing the last dishes when I hear the key in the door. I smile, what a lovely sound that is.
Joshua walks in and smiles warmly at me. “Hi,” he says quietly as he puts his keys on my side table.
I smile shyly. “Hi.” Why does he make me feel so nervous?
He walks into the kitchen and over to me where he cuddles me from behind, kissing my neck. I put my hand up and on his cheek.
“How are you?” he asks softly.
I close my eyes in comfort. “Better now that you’re here,” I whisper.
“Hmm,” he sighs.
He pulls back and picks up the plastic bag of groceries on the floor. “Do you want these put away?” he asks.
I nod and smile. “Yes please.” I continue wiping up.
He puts a few things in the fridge and then he asks. “Why do you have this? Do you like protein now?” He frowns as he holds up a large jar of protein powder.
I shrug self-consciously. “I just thought you might like to stay for breakfast tomorrow … I mean, that’s if you’re not busy.” I look down at the floor in embarrassment. Do I sound as desperate as I feel?
He pulls my face up to his as he smirks. “Did you now?” He kisses me gently on the lips and I feel myself melt.
He takes out his phone and texts someone and then walks around and flicks the kettle on. “Would you like a cup of tea?” he asks.
“Yes please.” I smile. This is going well, so domestic. I sit on the lounge and flick the television on. I curl up on the single lounge that I always sit on.
He fusses around in the kitchen for a moment and he comes in carrying two cups of tea. “Why are you sitting over there?” he frowns as he sits on the double lounge.
I smile again. Let me rephrase that, this is going really well. Maybe he didn’t mean a word he said in the restaurant last night. I stand and move over to the chair and sit next to him, he pulls my feet onto his lap and he kicks off his shoes and takes a sip of his tea.
“Do you like your new job?” he asks as he blows on his tea.
I shrug. “It’s ok, I suppose.”
He frowns and his eyes flick to me. “Just ok?”
I hunch my shoulders. “Yeah, Gran got sick just after I started so I haven’t really been in a good place at work. I don’t know, I don’t feel like I have made a difference yet.”
He smiles sadly. “Oh,” he whispers. “Is that why you do your job, to make a difference?”
I raise my eyebrows. “Yes, I suppose.”
“Why did you stop working at the sexual clinic?”
I drop my head. “I just saw me and you in too many of my clients and it was messing up with my head too much.”
He frowns. “Me and you? What do you mean?”
I blow out a breath-how did we get onto this deep subject? Do I say this out loud? “Umm … I saw men everyday who were deeply in love with their wives but regularly slept with other women and I saw women everyday whose husbands had been unfaithful and they have never recovered from it and had absolutely no self-esteem.” I scratch the back of my head uncomfortably and my eyes meet his. “It was just too close to home,” I whisper.
He drops his head as he thinks. “Do you think that that is what happened between us?”
I shrug. “I know it’s not how it happened and that there were crazy circumstances but …” I shrug, unable to articulate what I want to say.
“Tash, if I had thought we even had 0. 5% of getting back together I would never have left your side.” He reaches over and grabs my hand and I squeeze it affectionately. “You know that don’t you?” he whispers as his eyes meet mine.
I smile as my eyes tear up and I am lost for words so I try to change the subject. “Tell me about this job you are doing.”
“Um, I did their programs years ago and stupidly signed a contract for the upgrade so while we are here we are getting it out of the way. It should take about six weeks or so.”
I nod. “So who is doing it with you?” I ask
“Four techs and Murph.”
I smile. “What does Murph actually do?”
He shrugs. “Nothing, just manage things. I don’t like to go anywhere without him.” He smiles shyly. “I don’t really like dealing with all of the management shit. I just want to be on my computer and not deal with anything or anyone else.”
I smile. “You are lucky to have him.”
He nods. “Yeah I know. Cam and Murph are good value.”
I smile broadly. “What about me? Am I good value?”
“You, my dear precious girl, are exceptional value.” He smiles as he picks up my foot and kisses the top of it and my heart fills with joy. Exceptional value, who would have thought? My god, Joshua Stanton … do you know your value?
We lie in my bed contented and satisfied. That was close, how I held him off from sex I will never know. If he had pushed for it I would have caved. I told him that we were not being intimate, but the reality is I crave for it from him, ache for it. I don’t have it in me to not let him touch me and he is heaven under my hands. When I am here and in the moment with this man, nothing else matters. This is where I am supposed to be, with my love in my bed. Joshua has his head on my chest, my arms are wrapped around him as I gently run my fingers over his back, his hand is on my stomach and he intermittently kisses my chest as he lies close. Something is going on between us, I can feel it. There is a tenderness that I haven’t felt from him since my father died and god I’ve missed it. I’m exhausted, I need to go to sleep. I kiss the top of his head gently.
“Baby,” I ask.
“Hmm,” he replies.
“Can you be here when I wake up please?” I ask. I can’t help myself.
“Yeah ok.” He kisses my chest again and snuggles his head into my breast and breathes a deep contented sigh.
I am just drifting off.
“Tash,” he whispers.
“Mmm,” I answer.
“You didn’t give me your closing argument yet.”
I smile broadly and kiss his head again. “Joshua,” I whisper.
“Yes,” he answers.
“I missed you today,” I whisper.
I can feel him smile into my chest and I smile into the darkness.
“Do you want to know something else I did today Josh?” I whisper as I kiss the top of his head again and rub my hand over his short hair.
“What?” he answers.
“I loved you today.” I feel him smile and he kisses my breast as he links our hands together.
“You really should be on the debating team, Tash, you do give a great closing argument,” he sighs.
I smile broadly and after a few minutes of silence in the darkness I hear him speak.
“Goodnight Tash,” he whispers.
“Goodnight Josh.”
I wake to the sound of someone quietly knocking on the front door. Joshua answers it. “Thanks man. I will be leaving here in about an hour.”
“Ok, Max is downstairs. What do you want me to tell him?” a male voice replies.
“I want to speak to him so I will be down a little earlier.”
“Ok thanks.” The door closes.