His eyes flick over to the table of four guards sitting at the front of the restaurant waiting for us and he smirks.
“If he thinks you don’t feel safe he won’t let leave me alone with you, he will want at least another guard left.”
“Fine, just one,” I sigh.
He smiles. “You know he will probably sack me anyway because he knows we get along well.”
“Tell him I won’t have anybody else and if he doesn’t like it then I will be scared stiff and it’s all his fault.”
He smiles. “You drive a hard bargain Miss Marx, but you know what? He might just fall for it.”
It’s six o’clock Friday night and dark, the building is dead silent and I am in the office alone. Max and the other guards are in their cars out the front of the building. I can see them from my window. I’m procrastinating because I don’t want to go home. Joshua leaves Australia tomorrow and I desperately want to see him. I want to say goodbye … Hello … I love you. Why am I doing this to myself? I stare into space for about the fourth hour today; my last appointment was two o’clock. I lean my elbows on my desk and put my face into my hands as dread seeps into my every pore. How am I going to stay away from him tonight? How in the hell am I going to find the strength to do this? I just want to talk to him … I miss him desperately. I want to tell him about this terrible person who has hurt me so deeply. I want him to protect me from him and I know he would be outraged if someone hurt me like this. But then I remember the cold reality that he is that person and I am the only one who can protect myself. He offers no protection, only hurt. I blow out a breath as I start to slowly close the programs on my computer, my computer pings and a YouTube tab comes up in the middle of my screen. I frown, what’s this? Don’t tell me I’ve got a computer virus now.
A curser flashes on my screen … huh. I watch in wide-eyed horror as a message starts to type on my screen.
Precious girl, please talk to me.
I bite my lip and my eyes instantly fill with tears as I realise that Joshua is hacking my computer. How long has he been sitting there waiting for me to close the programs? The cursor is flashing, waiting for a reply. I type.
Josh … I can’t.
I’m sorry.
I break into full-blown sobs and hold my hands over my mouth as I cry out loud and stare at the screen. He types again.
I love you.
Please see me.
I sob uncontrollably as the reality of this horrible situation crushes my heart. The cursor flashes again and I reply.
I can’t, Josh.
I’m not strong enough to be with you.
Just know that I will always love you.
Remember me.
X
I cry out loud as I grip my stomach in pain. The picture flashes and I click on it. Oh dear god, no. Not this … not this song. I try desperately to click out of it but it won’t let me, and the film clip of the song ‘Say Something’ by A Great Big World and Christina Aguilera starts to play. Every time I hear this song I burst into tears. Why is he sending me this shit? Is he trying to send me round the twist? I bang on the buttons but I can’t get out of it and I become hysterical as the depressing song blares through my office. In desperation to stop it I bend to the floor, grab the electrical cord and rip it out of the wall, and the computer goes dead … just like my heart. I slump to the floor and lean up against the wall and sob. He needs to leave the country … I won’t survive much longer.
I sit at the airport staring into space as we wait to board my jet. I am utterly gutted. The silence that surrounds me is stifling.
I look towards the doors for the ten thousandth time in the last hour.
“She’s not coming mate,” Cameron whispers as his eyes hold mine.
I nod as I drop my head. “I know,” I whisper in monotone.
Adrian puts his arm around me. “You will feel better when we get back to LA.” He shakes my shoulder in a reassuring gesture.
I sit slumped in my chair as I nod sadly, I don’t even have it in me to speak. The blistering memory of the last time I felt like this poisons me from within, when I was nineteen and heartbroken, sitting in an airport just like this waiting for a flight to LA … trying desperately to escape her love … or lack of it.
Ben sits opposite us, and his eyes search mine. “Do you want a coffee?” he asks as he raises his eyebrows.
“Yes,” I reply.
He stands and walks over to the stewardess. “How much longer?” he asks.
“Not long,” she replies.
“Good,” he mutters under his breath as he storms through the double doors.
It’s Friday and I have survived Joshua’s leaving the country … just. I don’t even know if you can call it surviving. I’m running on autopilot like a zombie. If I think, I will crack … it’s easier to function with no feeling … block the hurt … block the pain … if only I could block the memories. I’ve been listening to ‘With or Without You’ by U2 on repeat for days … it seems so fitting to my situation. I honestly can’t live with or without him, how am I going to do this? I’ve been throwing myself into work to try and get on with it. I just wish I didn’t have to come to this stupid jail anymore. My job is really starting to piss me off. I think I need a change. Coby Allender totally freaked me out on my last visit to the courthouse when he stared at me like his next meal the whole time-he’s a frigging scary son of a bitch. Henry has assured me I am in the safe room today and he can’t see me so I guess that’s a bonus. I wait in the observation room in a daydream, with a prison warden sitting next to me. Where is that spunky boy anyway? Jaxon … Jasper … Johnathon, what’s his name again? At least his annoying flirting keeps my mind occupied and off serial killers and my beautiful Lamborghini. I’m starting to think of Joshua with fondness again: six days … it didn’t take long. The door opens behind me and I keep my eyes firmly on the window in front.
“Swap seats,” I hear a husky whispered voice say.
I turn to see Mr Cheeky falling into the seat beside me. “Hey Doc. Did you miss me?”
I smirk at him and turn my eyes back to the window. “Yes, totally.” I frown as I try to remember his name.
“Jesten,” he smirks.
“Oh right, sorry. I’m hopeless with names,” I whisper so the other guard can’t hear me.
“Yeah, I noticed.” He smirks. “Most girls remember mine though. How come you don’t?”
I roll my eyes. “I see you’re still on yourself.”
He laughs out loud and raises an eyebrow.
We watch as the door opens and Coby Allender is led into the room-my blood runs cold just seeing the creep. I wonder if he really is a serial killer or is just so insane that he likes the game of fooling everyone into thinking he is. They still think he has an accomplice, but I’m not so sure.
“Are you giving me your number today?” Jesten whispers in my ear.
“Sshh,” I whisper. “I’m listening,” I reply as I keep my eyes firmly on the screen.
“This guy is boring. Listen to me instead,” he whispers back.
I giggle-this guy really is a dick. “No, I’m not giving you my number. I told you I’m not into you,” I whisper.
“Fuck off, all girls are into me.”
I giggle again. Total idiot. “Not me.”
“Do you always lie compulsively? Or is it just when you’re in the presence of greatness?” he whispers as his eyes stay on the screen.
I smirk at his ridiculous confidence. “No … only to losers. Aren’t you going out with short and slutty Barbie anyway?”