Ashley and I bond more over the coming days. I help with Sam and she tells me all that I might need to know about taking care of a baby. I quickly found a job as a waitress and Ashley filed for assistance so that she could get income as well. We are trying to get it together to get a place outside of here. We want to be stable for the kids, (if I am pregnant) even though both of us struggle with everything that we are going through mentally.
After two weeks I start to feel the changes in me. I can’t keep food down. Smells are too much for me. I feel like my body is so sensitive. Plus the dreams I have about Darius are very blush worthy. I don’t get why they are of Darius and not Markus, but I can’t control that, hell I’m asleep when it happens. I figure it’s just because he is the father. Ashley gets a pregnancy test for me because the goddess knows I wasn’t going to face the harsh reality.
Even now she is standing outside the bathroom while I stare at the test sitting on the counter. I don’t even look at the results, it’s just a blurred test at this point. “It’s not the end of the world. Remember we are in this together.” Her voice rings through the door. I think she wants to reassure me but that doesn’t really help.
I sigh, blinking my eyes into clarity, finally looking at the test. I pick it up with shaky hands. Two pink lines. “What does two lines mean?” I don’t want to know, but that is what we are doing here. I might as well face the music.
“It means Sam is going to have a friend soon.” She sounds happy. I am anything but.
Well, isn’t that fantastic. I am fucking screwed. I feel like I was just punched in the gut and I am having a hard time catching my breath. Darius is inside me, I will see him forever, even if he dies with this stupid thing in his head, he will be with me.
Ashley still talks to me through the door. “It’s going to be ok Sophia. I am here. We got this.” She can probably hear me hyperventilating in here.
I come out of the bathroom and hug Ashley. “I will never be rid of him will I?”
“I don’t see him here.” She laughs.
I laugh too. “You know what I mean.”
“Sure you will always have a part of him, but maybe it’s the good parts.” She shrugs a little. We have talked about this before. She feels that Sam was the best part of her mate. The parts that she wants to remember. The parts that she fell in love with. I don’t think I ever loved Darius though.
“Promise you will be with me.”
“You can’t get rid of me.” I cry in her arms. She has been where I am right now and she had no one to help her. At least I have her. I have been alone so much in my life. First it was Darius’s family that looked after me for the first time, now it is Ashley. I may not have Darius’s family to back me anymore, but I have this.
That night, lying in my bed, I sent Darius a text for the first time since I left. ME: I hope you get the treatments. Your child is going to want to know you aren’t dead.
I get a quick response. DARIUS: I will do whatever you want if you come home. Please. I need you. I love you.
I don’t bother to answer. I told him about the baby, that was all I wanted to do. I am not coming back. Not now, maybe someday but not now. I can’t face him.