While we were heading to the mall, I only spoke when the kids had questions. My hand was sweating from holding my cellphone for so long, and I was getting bored waiting for Brent’s call.
When I called him earlier, we couldn’t talk properly because he seemed rushed and it was noisy around him. He was probably at the market buying fresh fish or vegetables, so I just texted him that I needed to talk.
But it’s been over an hour, and Brent still hasn’t reached out. Why is that? He knows we’re in a long-distance relationship now. I took a deep breath to ease my feelings. I wanted to take back what I said to Brent about us being together because now I’m not sure about my own feelings for him.
I admit that whatever happened between Samer and me was nothing to him. It was just a one-night stand – a sexual activity without emotional commitment!
But still, I didn’t want to rush things with Brent.
Being a spinster shouldn’t be something to be ashamed of. If that’s my fate, I’ll accept it wholeheartedly. I’d rather be true to myself than force myself into a marriage where my heart isn’t whole. It would be like suffocating myself. No matter.
“Has Brent still not called you?” Samer asked me as we entered the mall, and I still had my cellphone in my hand.
I didn’t answer him; instead, I put my cellphone in my bag and held Ameera’s hand. The mall was crowded, and it was difficult for the kids to be separated from us.
“Khaleel, stay with your Daddy, okay?”
“But I’m a big boy now, Miss. I can manage,” Khaleel said while refusing to hold his father’s hand.
“Don’t use that tone with me, little boy!” I scolded Khaleel in a way I knew wouldn’t hurt him too much.
“I’m sorry, Miss.”
“It’s okay. I understand that you’re a big boy now, but… there could be bad guys in the mall. So, do you want to eat first before we shop?”
“I think that’s a good idea. You’ll be more focused on shopping if you’re full,” Samer added, and his kids agreed.
We were looking for a nice restaurant when I saw someone who shouldn’t be at the mall at this hour. I suddenly stopped walking and bumped into Samer, who was following behind me.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, but I couldn’t answer.
Anyone in my position would also lose focus and stop walking. I just stared at them – Brent, Michelle, and their daughter. Brent told me they were no longer together, but why does he look so happy with her? He was smiling from ear to ear whenever he looked at Michelle. What a cheater!
I wanted to confront them and slap the woman, but my conscience stopped me. Besides, I’m not a scandalous person. Maybe Samer noticed the reason why I stopped walking, so he pulled me away.
“Let’s just go to the other side.”
I said no, of course. Yes, I’m not scandalous, but I’m not a coward either. Nothing will happen if I just let Brent live in his illusion that everything is okay between us. It’s better for him to know that I know what he’s been doing when I’m not around. I tried to compose myself and walked towards the happy couple.
“Hello Brent, Michelle.” I greeted them simply, and I knew Brent felt uncomfortable with me approaching them.
“Jamie? You look beautiful now, I can hardly recognize you. How are you?” she asked.
“I’m good. I heard a lot about you from your ex-husband.”
I knew Michelle must be annoyed with what I said, but her face didn’t show any disgust. What an amazing actress!
“I see. Well, nice meeting you, Jamie. My dear, why do you look speechless there? Have you forgotten Jamie, your girlfriend in High School?”
“Jamie, let me explain why I didn’t call you earlier.” Suddenly, Brent found his voice and tried to justify his shortcomings as my boyfriend.
“It’s okay. I understand why you had to accompany your ex-wife to the mall. Anyway, it’s good that we met here because I have something important to tell you.” I heard Brent say his goodbyes to his daughter and that he would talk to me in private for a moment. “We can talk here,” I insisted because I didn’t want to leave the father and daughter. Samer didn’t know his way around the mall, and he had two kids with him.
“Alright,” Brent agreed, and he pulled me away from Samer and Michelle. We were a few meters away from our companions, enough for them not to hear our conversation.
“Why was Samer with you? Did you sleep in their hotel?” His questions came one after another, and he seemed angry.
Well, Brent would definitely get angry once he finds out what happened between Samer and me.
“Correction. They slept in our house.”
“What? Are you going crazy? I don’t trust that guy!”
“You’re entitled to your own opinion. Anyway, I want to take back what I said to you before that we’re together again. I thought I could be reckless in love, but it turns out I’m still afraid of making mistakes and getting hurt.” There, I said it without any difficulty.
“Jamie… no. I won’t allow us to be separated again.”
“Brent, please. I hope you can also understand why I did this. Can’t you see? We’ll just create more chaos if we force things. I think we’re rushing everything. I’m sorry, I made a mistake that night.”
“Are you doing this to me because you want to get back at me?”
Good Lord, revenge never entered my mind. What am I, crazy? If I wanted to get back at him, I could easily have him followed wherever he goes.
“Revenge? Oh no, if I wanted revenge, do you think I’d wait for fifteen years?”
“If that’s the case, why? I don’t understand!” He raised his voice slightly while questioning me.
“Never mind. I’m still confused right now, and I’m not sure about my own feelings for you. I’ve been hurt before, Brent, and I don’t want to make the same mistake and get hurt again.” That came out of my mouth without any hesitation.
“Do you have feelings for your boss? You wouldn’t be confused if you didn’t have feelings for another man.”
“That’s nonsense!” I became defensive right away, and Brent noticed.
“Be honest with me, Jamie.”
“Why, are you going to let me go if I say I have feelings for him?” I’ve always found it difficult to talk to him when he doesn’t like the direction of the conversation.
“Of course not! I just want to know if there’s already competition in your heart so I have a chance to fight – for both of us.” Brent’s declaration made me feel even guiltier.
“Don’t bother fighting because it will just be a waste of effort.” Because right now, I’ve already decided to be a spinster for life!
“What do you mean we’re really over? Jamie, I can’t live without you!”
“You were just fine for fifteen years, Brent.” He fell silent at my words. I don’t like to blame, but that’s what came out of my mouth. “Please spend some time with your daughter.” His child was very beautiful – a perfect combination of him and Michelle. Just like Ameera and Khaleel, the little girl would want nothing else but a complete and happy family.
“Jamie..!” I heard him call after me as I walked away, but I didn’t look back.
What for? A smile was pasted on my face when I approached the Khalifa Family, and their reactions were quite rich. The kids were beaming with happiness – maybe because we’re about to go shopping, while Samer’s face was too difficult to read.