I heard my mom’s voice outside my room, but I didn’t answer. My mind was conflicted whether I should tell my parents what happened or keep it a secret. I held my head and scolded myself.
We had only known each other for a few weeks, and I gave myself to Brent so easily. I would be a huge hypocrite if I said I didn’t regret what happened last night. I had a chance to say no to him… but I didn’t!
“Jamie! It’s already midday, aren’t you getting up? Kevin’s been waiting for you forever!” My mom’s voice grew slightly louder as she knocked on my door.
Why is he here? Now he wants to notice me when it’s already too late. I didn’t want to go out because I was afraid they might find out that I already surrendered myself to Brent. Can they tell?
I looked at myself in the mirror and put on a bit of powder on my face before going out to face Kevin. As I descended, I saw Kevin talking to my dad. I got nervous, thinking he might be saying something bad about me to my dad.
“Kevin, why are you here?” I noticed he was still dressed formally, just like yesterday.
“Good morning, Jamie. I wanted to invite you to attend the mass,” he said.
I checked the time on my watch. We only had forty-five minutes left before the last Sunday mass starts. “I’m sorry, but-” I was about to decline when he cut me off.
“Don’t worry, I already asked your dad, and he agreed,” he said with a smile as if he was sure I would accept.
I raised my eyebrow at what I heard. “Dad, I just need to talk to Kevin.”
“Okay, dear. Go to the gazebo and have a good chat. Kevin’s been waiting for you there for a while now; he’s been standing there, waiting for you,” my dad replied.
I went ahead and walked toward the open bamboo gazebo, which was our hangout spot every afternoon. When I arrived, I didn’t even wait for Kevin to sit down and immediately confronted him.
“Kevin, I want you to know that I didn’t like what you’re doing now,” I reprimanded him.
“Because of Brent?”
His tone when he mentioned Brent wasn’t pleasing. Why is he so angry at Brent when Brent didn’t do anything wrong?
“Brent has nothing to do with this, Kevin.”
“Really? Since you two got close, you’ve been ignoring me!” He said angrily.
“Hey, Kevin, stop saying things like that! Maybe you’ve forgotten that you were the one who betrayed our friendship first. Have you forgotten?” I retorted.
“That’s different, Jamie. You don’t belong with Brent, so stay away from him while it’s still early,” he warned me.
“Shut up! And who do you think I belong to, huh?” I asked but he didn’t respond.
“It’s better if you go to church now because I have no intention of going today.”
I grabbed a rubber band I saw in our hangout and tied my hair into a ponytail. I hadn’t taken a bath yet, so I was feeling hot. After tying my hair, I faced Kevin again and told him that he wouldn’t gain anything from me now.
“What’s that?” He asked while pointing to the left side of my neck.
“Huh?” I was confused because I didn’t feel anything crawling on my neck.
“Come closer to me,” he ordered with an insistent tone, but I didn’t move from where I was standing because he had no right to give me orders.
Except for my parents, only Brent has the right to tell me what to do.
“I don’t want to,” I said.
But instead of stopping his insistence, Kevin approached me and roughly grabbed my neck.
“Kiss marks? Who did this to you? Brent, right?” He bombarded me with questions, but I didn’t answer him.
I panicked because I knew what “kiss marks” meant. I slapped Kevin’s hand off my neck and distanced myself from him. Could he possibly find out about what happened last night?
“K-Kevin…” I called his name, but I didn’t know what to say to him. “What’s, um, the thing is -”
“Jamie, I can’t believe you did that. You weren’t like that before,” he accused me of being an easy girl and easily giving in.
“I love him,” I made an excuse.
“Love? Are you sure he loves you too?” Kevin’s question sparked doubt in my heart.
Does Brent really love me? But he told me last night that he loved me too, so my confidence returned, and the little doubt disappeared.
“Come on, Kevin, don’t interfere in my personal life. You’re acting as if we’re in a relationship!” I scolded him.
“I told you, I’ll wait,” he said.
“Don’t. Don’t waste your time waiting for me, Kevin, because my feelings for Brent won’t change now.” It’s so unfair to lead Kevin on when I already have feelings for Brent. Kevin should focus on Michelle instead.
“Jamie,” I heard him call my name, but I didn’t look back at him and returned to the house.
After double-locking the door, I went to stand in front of the mirror and undressed. Oh my God! I couldn’t believe what I saw. Was that really me in the mirror? My chest and lower abdomen were covered in hickeys.
What kind of person is Brent to make my body look like this? I’m scared to take off my underwear in case there are more hickeys in intimate areas. It’s so embarrassing! And because my skin isn’t porcelain smooth, my cheeks didn’t turn red from thinking about what happened last night.
Wait, how am I going to remove these hickeys from my skin? I grabbed my old cellular phone and dialed Brent’s number. Argh, where could he be? I’ve been calling him several times, but he still hasn’t answered.
It’s frustrating!
I put my cellphone back in my bag and put on the clothes I previously took off. Then, I went downstairs and headed to the kitchen. We keep the soap and shampoo we use for bathing in Kudo’s water source.
“Mom, I’ll just go to the water source for a bit,” I told my mom, but as usual, she was busy preparing the vegetables for our lunch.
“Don’t you want to have breakfast first?” she asked me.
“I’ll just have it later,” I said. I’m not hungry. In my current situation, can I even feel hungry when my mind and heart are in conflict? I had taken a few steps when my mom called me.
“Why are you walking like that?”