Listening to my words, Brandon stared at me, with his mouth opened a bit, with his face holding an unreadable expression on it. Maybe by shock or by surprise.
“What… I mean, are you sure?” Brandon asked with his voice trembling.
“Yes, I’m,” I replied with my voice rigid, with no hesitation in my voice or my statement.
Brandon beamed at my reply, wrapping his arms around my body and embracing me tightly.
“Brandon, but only on one condition,” I said, as Brandon separated his arms from my body and stared right into my eyes with confusion.
“What do you mean?”
“I will marry you, only if you agree to my terms.”
“What terms?” he asked, surprised.
“That, even after marriage, you’ll not be a husband,” I said.
“What?”
“I mean, I don’t want us to live like a husband and wife. Brandon, you could be my best friend, my partner, but I could never see you as my husband,” I said, lowering my gaze; I don’t want to look at his face right now.
“Jane,” I heard Brandon, calling my name, as he put his hand down under my chin and lifted my face. Brandon stared deep into my eyes, his chocolate once staring at my deep sea-blue eyes.
“All I will want is you by my side and nothing else,” he said, embracing me in his arms as his warmth encircled my body. My heart pounded rapidly at his closeness and his act of compassion.
That is the first time that I have ever experienced something like this before. The closeness between us has never affected my body like this, except this morning.
“Brandon,” I called his name. I moved my body, separating it from his. I don’t like the way my body is acting today. That’s why it’s good to maintain a safe distance from Brandon.
“I’m sorry, I went with the flow a bit,” he said, showing his teeth, smiling like a carefree child.
“You made me the happiest man today by saying yes.”
I nodded my head, not saying anything. I don’t know why, but even after saying yes, my mind is still judging its own decision. Things are very complicated right now, but I don’t want to share my concerns with Brandon. He has far too many problems of his own. I don’t want to add mine to his list. It will just make things more complicated and challenging for both of us.
“It’s too late, I guess. I should go home,” Brandon said, rubbing the back of his head with his right hand.
What time is it?
I grabbed my phone from the coffee table to check the time. It shocked me a bit how late it is now. It was almost three, and we had been so busy with our conversation that we didn’t even notice the time flowing.
“Jane,” Brandon called, diverting my attention toward him. “Can I stay in Marlene’s room tonight?”
“Sure,” I replied,
“So…., I guess, we will talk in the morning,” he said, with a brief hesitation in his voice.
I nodded my head in reply.
Brandon wished me goodnight and went towards Marlene’s room.
I stayed in the living room for a few more moments, leaning my back on the couch, my eyes closed as the silence of the night sent comfort to the mind and my soul. I want to forget everything that happened today and lie down somewhere quiet, where no one can disturb me or distract me from my thoughts.
But that is not possible, not with so many responsibilities in my head. Maybe someday, I wish to go somewhere in silence and solitude, where the only noise you can hear is from nature and nothing.
A few moments later, when my senses calmed a bit. I went to Liam’s room, hugging my tiny boy in my arms. I tried to sleep even though I know sleeping is the last thing I wanted tonight with so much stuff running through my mind right now. But I tried my best, closing my eyes, and enveloping myself in the warmth of my boy. I tried my best to sleep and forget about everything.