I nod, “Yes, I lost my virginity to him.”
“Fuck off,” Bridget snaps again.
“Were you his first?” Bridget’s hands are running through her hair.
“No, he had slept with lots of girls before me.”
“Shit. This is fucked up Tash,” Bridget whispers.
“I know,” I give a weak smile and nod. “I think…” I stay silent.”I think…”
“What?” Bridget snaps as she sips her coffee. Her patience is running thin. “I think I’m in love with him.”
“Fuck off,” Bridget snaps as she chokes on her coffee.
“Will you stop saying that?”
“Well then, stop shocking me.”
“Why do you think that?” Abbie looks like she is going to vomit, her face screwed up. She’s holding her stomach.
“Because… because,” they are both leaning in towards me, on the edge of their seats. Bridget is biting her thumbnail. “I think I’m in love with him because I haven’t…I haven’t…”
“You haven’t what?” Abbie snaps.
“I haven’t slept with anyone since.” They both stare at me like I have just grown two heads and their eyes bulge from their sockets. I sit back and, god what a relief, that was cathartic.
“You haven’t had sex in seven years?” I nod and give a sheepish smile. I wish I had a camera. They are speechless, and the look of total horror on their faces makes me giggle.
“How is that possible? You’ve had heaps of boyfriends. You’ve even had two marriage proposals.”
I shrug. “I told them I was waiting for marriage. Obviously I kept them sexually satisfied in other ways but you know what? The only reason they proposed to me was they thought I would be good marriage material since I wasn’t easy.”
“They believed you?” They are both mortified. Abbie looks up at me and starts to giggle.
“What’s funny?” Bridget smiles.
“Her,” she points to me, “she is.” Bridget looks at me and starts to giggle as well.
“What’s funny?” I laugh.
“You’re a fucking psychologist who treats messed–up people all day and you’re more fucked up than the rest of us. You’re the world’s biggest prick teaser.” I laugh and nod.
“Yes, I suppose.”
“Oh my god!” Bridget holds her hands up to her face. “Tash, this is like frigging Bold and the Beautiful. You do know that, right?” I nod.
“So what, you’ve been in contact with him all along?”
“No, not a word. Remember Josh nearly didn’t go to America because he met a girl in Sydney?” Bridget nods.
“That was me.” She gasps, eyes wide, and puts her hands up to her mouth.
“No way.” I nod again.
“If you haven’t been in contact, what’s with the celibacy?” I shrug as I chew over her question.
“It hasn’t been on purpose. Every time I’m with a man I think I’m going to go through with it but when it comes close, I can’t do it. I feel like I’m cheating on him and, to be fair, the guys don’t really get me hot for it.”
“Shit,” Abbie whispers. “This is a fucking crisis meeting if I ever saw one.”
I smile. “I know.”
“Ok, let’s rehash,” Abbie takes charge of the crisis meeting with her spoon pointing. “So you were in love with Joshua.”
I nod, “Correct.”
“And last night was the first time you have seen each other since.”
I nod again, “Correct.”
“And what happened?” she looks to Bridget who is still biting her thumbnail as she hunches her shoulders.
“I think he still is attracted to her. No actually, I know he is still attracted to her. He was watching her like a serial killer stalking his next victim.” I can’t help the broad smile from appearing on my face.
Abbie looks back to me. “And this is good is it?” I hunch my shoulders and nod. “So are you still attracted to him?”
I nod again. “Yes, seriously.”
“What happened at the wedding?” She looks between Bridget and me.
“We danced.”
“Dirty danced,” Bridget adds.
“And then we kissed.”
“Kissed,” Abbie repeats. “In front of your family?”
“Yes, it wasn’t planned, I was just so turned on. He makes me so crazy I forgot where I was.” She pinches her lips while assessing the situation, deep in thought.
“So it’s physical then?”
I nod, “I think so. I lose all coherent thought when he is anywhere near me. He just has this way. I don’t know, I can’t explain it. His body talks to mine.”
“What so, he’s like, dominant?”
I nod. “Totally and he’s seriously fucking hot, so it’s a lethal combo. The way he touches me, it’s like he will die if he doesn’t have me. He consumes me, I feel like I can’t breathe. Like I was meant to please him, to hold him.”