An hour later I lie in the darkened room and I wonder who I am sleeping with.
He was cold and calculating tonight.
No remorse, no empathy.
No fear.
He smashed Stucco’s head on the floor until he was unconscious, I know how Stace’s story started out, but how does it end?
My mother told me that my father started out with petty crimes, and look what a monster he turned into. Is this how she felt about him when they first met? Did she know he was into some bad shit, but didn’t care anyway? Was she blinded by the percentage that was good and thought that he was going to leave this life behind? But then, what was Stace supposed to do? It was attack or get attacked and even I was prepared to shoot Stucco dead.
Maybe it’s me.
Maybe I am the one who is fucked up.
I don’t even know anymore.
My thoughts are interrupted by him coming back to the cabin. He walks into the bathroom and gets into the shower, not saying anything. Does he honestly think I’m asleep?
Ten minutes later he gets into bed beside me.
“What happened?” I ask.
“Nothing,” he replies quietly.
I frown into the darkness.
“Was Stucco there?”
“Nope.”
Why is he lying?
We stay silent as my mind begins to spin.
“Are you okay?” I ask.
He rolls over and takes me in his arms. “I am now that I am next to you.” He kisses my shoulder gently.
A lie and a truth in the same sentence. My pleasure and my pain.
* * *
“Remember that time in Mexico when the border control had to be bribed?” one man says and the table all laugh out loud.
We are at dinner and the men are all swapping Vikinos stories. He arrives tomorrow and the ship has been in overdrive to prepare. Apparently this is the first time he has been on the ship in over eight months and he is flying in for the day to check out operations. From what I can tell, Stace is the only one who knows him personally. The other men just don’t know how personally.
I have questions myself.
When he said he went on to work for him, was that as one of his hit men or have I just watched too many movies?
The way he lied to me about fighting Stucco the other night has only planted the seed of doubt in my mind. Was he telling me the truth about his past or what he wishes were the truth? Has he really been innocently blindsided into this life, or is he a lifelong criminal, as I first thought?
I don’t know what’s going on with him this week, but he is getting more and more agitated at Vikinos’s impending arrival. He must have told me a thousand times that I am not allowed out of the cabin while Vikinos is on the ship. He even sat me down this afternoon and told me that if he leaves the ship suddenly, I am to stay with Angela and the boys until we get to dock and they will keep me safe.
Is he thinking he is going to leave with Vikinos?
I’m confused, but I’m not bothering asking questions because they will be met with lies. It was only a white lie, I keep telling myself, and he was probably trying to stop me from worrying about him.
But a white lie is a black lie to me. They all hurt the same.
I am brought back to the moment with the conversation going on around me.
“Oh, and he hates cops,” one guy chips in.
“Yeah,” someone else says. “Remember that warehouse he had?”
“The Pig Fryer, they call it,” says another.
The men all erupt into laughter and Stace drops his head and clenches his jaw in anger.
I frown as I watch him. He is visibly rattled by this conversation.
Why?
“Why do they call it The Pig Fryer?” I ask. I want to know why it is affecting him so much.
“He ties up cops and tortures them to death. Electrocutes the fuckers. Cooks the fucking pork.”
The men all burst out laughing and Stace drinks his beer and stares at the floor with a murderous look on his face.
The floor sways beneath me as I join all the puzzle pieces together.
Oh my God.
Stace’s brother. Vikinos killed Stace’s brother.
He is here for revenge.
My eyes search his, and he knows that I know. He looks away angrily.
I stand. “I’m tired. I’m going to get going. See you all.” I glance at Stace. “You coming?”
He nods and without a word follows me. We walk to the room in silence and he opens the door. We walk in and he slowly closes the door behind us.
“You’re here for revenge?”
He nods once.
“You’re going to try and kill him?” I whisper angrily.
“Yes.”
I shake my head. “Stace, no. He will kill you. He has guards.”
“I don’t care.”
“What?” I shriek. “What do you mean you don’t care?”
“I don’t care if I die. That’s why I got you off the ship. I don’t want you here to see this.”
My face falls. “Stace, no.”
He stands solemnly, as if resigned to his fate. “I have waited on this fucking ship for six months to get my chance and I’m taking it. I can’t get him on the mainland but here…” his voice trails off.
I shake my head nervously. “Let’s just go. We can start somewhere new.” I grab his two arms as I try to talk sense into him. “We can run away and…” I fake a smile and pause as I try to sweeten the deal. “And your mom can come with us.”
“No,” he says flatly. “He died because of me, my brother died while trying to get me off this ship. He stupidly thought he could bring him down. But I know the only way he can be brought down is by his death. I’ve made my decision. He’s going to pay. An eye for an eye.”
My eyes tear up. “What about me?” I whisper.
His eyes hold mine and he brings up his hand and gently cups my face. “I’m grateful that I met my person before I die,” he whispers.
My tears break the dam and roll down my face. “Stace, no.” I shake my head. “Please, for me… don’t do this.”
He wraps me in an embrace.
“Don’t make me lose you, too,” I sob into his shoulder.
He holds me for an extended time and eventually he replies, “Baby, I’m not yours to keep. He owns me. I have nothing to lose.”
* * *
I sit in the dawn light alone at the desk in the cabin. Stace started work at 5am this morning in preparation for Vikinos’ arrival at 10am.
I’m soul searching, praying to my mother to save him. He has forbidden me to leave the cabin today and has already brought me back enough food for a week.
As if I can eat any of it. I feel sick.
I can’t imagine what is has been like for him, to live on this boat knowing its owner murdered his brother when he was trying to save him.
The guilt he must feel.
* * *
He takes the knife and slices her neck and she lets out a garbled wail.
My eyes widen in horror. “No,” I cry. “Stop it, stop it. Let her go!” I scream as the tears run down my face. I slam my head from side to side frantically as I try to break free from the ropes that tie me to the chair. The chair rocks as I try desperately to escape.
“You, animal. Let her go!” I scream. I shake my head harder. “No, no, no, no, Mom. Mom, look at me. Look at me,” I cry. “Mom, hang on. Just hang on.”
Her stare becomes vacant and I screw up my face in pain. The room starts to spin as my eyes drop to the sea of her blood that runs down her body and onto the floor.
“Mom. Mom!” I cry. “Let her fucking go!” I scream. “Kill me. Kill me,” I cry. “No, you can’t do this! Please, don’t do this,” I sob.
“This is what happens when you disobey me, my Roshina.” His deep voice growls.
She shudders as she tries to say something.
“I love you, Mom,” I cry.
A trace of a smile crosses her face and then her head drops as the last of her life drips out.
I turn to the Devil. My father. “I hate you. I fucking hate you. I will kill you!” I scream as I go ballistic and try to break free from the chair.
His hard hand hits me across the face.
* * *
I lick my bottom lip like I can still taste the blood from his hits.
My eyes fill with tears at the horrific memory, and six years later, I can still feel my beautiful mother’s life drain from her body.
I know what Stace feels. Better than anyone, I understand.
I stare at the wall for hours until eventually I know what I have to do.
I need to do this for him today.
I need to kill Vikinos.
* * *
The sun dances on the water, and the reflection from the metal railing is off putting. I stand up against the wall on the far end of the walkway.
The women are hidden, the men are all at their stations, and Stace and another two men are on the deck flagging in the chopper.
I can hear it hovering above the ship and I close my eyes as I prepare for what I am about to do.
All hell is about to break loose.
I slowly close my eyes, and when I reopen them, I am at my mother’s murder.
Kill or be killed.