I cringe, waiting for him to speak, but nothing comes.
“Say something,” I whisper.
“What do you want me to say?”
“Tell me that you understand,” I plead.
“What? Understand that you fell in love with someone else?”
I promised him this wouldn’t happen. I promised myself that this wouldn’t happen, so why the hell did it? How did I let it get to this?
The pain feels just like the day I left him and moved out.
Raw and deep.
“I’ll never understand that, Tully,” he whispers. “I love you.”
All at once, the line cuts off and I know he’s gone. I drop my head and sit for a few moments as I try to process what I’ve done. My heart is beating hard in my chest. This hurts so much. I get an image of Simon and what he could be doing now, and I feel sick. I really do care deeply for him and I can’t stand the thought of hurting him. I stare out over the park in front of me, my tongue darting out to lick my lips and taste my salty tears as they roll down my face.
Maybe I’m just not a good person anymore?
Was I ever?
It’s 8:00 p. m. and I pour my third glass of wine of the night.
I had the worst day in history. Searching all fucking day for evidence, breaking up with Simon, fighting my own thoughts about what kind of person I now am.
I know what happened between Simon and I couldn’t be helped, and I also know that deep down Simon doesn’t love me like he should, either, but it doesn’t make it any easier. I know he will eventually see the truth for himself. One day, I hope we can look at back at our time together with fond memories of each other. I have no idea where things are going with Brock, but I do know that when I’m with him, I feel safe. Which is just so weird because Brock is anything but safe. Strangely, though, when I was with Simon I always felt on edge. I was always petrified that I was going to fuck it up between us. He was so perfect that not even I could believe that he loved me.
Maybe that’s why Brock feels so safe to me. I know that if anyone is going to fuck it up between us, it will be him.
I never thought I would see the day when it’s a such a relief to be with someone who isn’t a shining pillar of society. And I don’t mean that in a derogatory way. Simon is amazing.
It’s just that maybe I’m not.
The security buzzer sounds and I push the intercom. “Hello.”
“Hey,” Brocks deep voice says through the speaker, and a smile instantly crosses my face.
“I thought you were working tonight?”
“Got off early.”
A thrill runs through me that he came over even though we hadn’t planned it. “Come up.” I push the button and open my front door for him. I take out another glass and pour him a wine. Only moments later does his broad smile come into view.
“Hey.” He smiles sexily as he kisses my lips.
I smirk up at his gorgeous face. “Hey.” I pass him his glass of wine and he clinks it with mine. “What are we celebrating?”
My brows rise. “We’re commiserating, actually.”
“What?” He takes a sip.
“The end of my nine-year relationship.”
He frowns. “You spoke to him already?”
“I told you I was calling him today.” I sigh.
“And I told you to wait for me to be here,” he says, annoyed.
I roll my eyes. “Don’t fucking piss me off tonight, okay? I’m not in the mood, Brock. I’ve had the worst day in history.”
He sips his drink slowly, and I can tell he knows that I really am not in the mood. “Well, what did he say?”
I shrug. “He knows it, too. I can tell.”
He watches me for a moment. “Did you tell him about me?”
I nod. “Uh-huh.”
“What did you say?”
I exhale heavily. “I said I was seeing someone, and he asked me if I loved you.”
The front door bursts open and Meredith comes waltzing in, her face falling when she sees Brock.
“Oh.” She looks at him flatly and curls her lip I disgust. “What are you doing here?” she asks him.
Brock raises his eyebrows in surprise at her disdain. “I should ask you the same thing. Don’t you knock?”
I roll my eyes and fill my glass to the brim. I’m not in the mood for this shit tonight.
“Well, it’s wolf pack meeting night,” she tells him matter-of-factly. “You should leave.”
Brock scowls. “What?”
“This is a girls only zone.” She gestures between her and I.
“Meredith,” I sigh.
“I don’t know what bitch-pack meeting night means, but it’s you that should leave. We’re busy,” Brock hits back, unamused.
I frown and give him a subtle shake of my head. “Ten minutes,” I mouth.
Brock rolls his eyes and walks into the bathroom.
Meredith crosses her arms in front of her, annoyed. “Where’s Callie, anyway? We need to get the meeting started.”
“There is no meeting tonight, Meredith. I’ve had a really bad day and I just want to relax with Brock.”
She rolls her eyes. “Oh God.”
The door opens again and my mother waltzes in. “Hello, Meredith. Hi, Tully,” she says greets us both.
I frown. “Mum, what are you doing here?”
“I’ve come to talk some sense into you.”
I give her a subtle shake of my head.
“What is this nonsense about breaking up with Simon for another man? Simon has been on the phone to me heartbroken on and off all night. I came over to see what on earth is going on with you.”
Not now, Mum. I shake my head again, and right on cue, Brock walks out of the bathroom behind her. He purses his lips and assesses the situation.
“Hello,” he says.
My mother turns in surprise, looking him up and down, her mouth falling open.
“Ha ha.” I fake a smile as the blood drains from my face. “Mum, this is Brock.”
She turns to me, and then back to him, repeating the process several times before she manages to actually speak.
“Wh-I mean. Wh-”
This is a first. She’s been rendered speechless.
“Mum, Brock is my… friend,” I add.
“Boyfriend,” Brock corrects, looking very unimpressed.
My eyebrows rise by and I swallow the lump in my throat.
My mother frowns as he takes her hand in his and shakes it.
“And your name is?” he asks.
“Robyn.” She twists her lips as she tries to hold her tongue.
“Would anyone like a beer?” Brock asks, making his way to the fridge.
I drain my wine glass in one gulp. Fucking hell, this is a disaster. This is not how I planned their first meeting to go.
“I can’t drink beer,” Meredith says. “It makes my vagina smell.”
Brock’s entire face curls up in disgust as he looks around at her, while I just carry on and pour myself another glass of wine. God, help me. I drain the glass quickly.
“I don’t think you’re her boyfriend, dear.” My mother fakes a smile. “That’s a bit premature, isn’t it?”
Brock opens the beer and takes a sip, holding my mother’s eyes. “Not at all.”
The two of them enter some kind of stare-off. Oh no.
“Yes, because it’s best if I drink wine, too,” Meredith continues as she hints to be offered a glass of wine. “I don’t want to smell tomorrow. I have a date in the storeroom.”
“Meredith!” I snap. “We don’t want to hear about your badly smelling vagina in the broom closet.”
My mother winces at what I’ve just said, and then she turns her attention back to Brock and fakes a smile. “Tully is just confused at the moment.”
“Hmm.” Brock glares at her. “Seems like a lot of people are.”
I begin to perspire. Doesn’t he know that my mother runs the Simon For Life fan club?
“Tully, I thought you said you were going to stick with your vibrator because it isn’t an entitled ass that thinks it’s God’s gift to women like Brock does,” Meredith says seriously.
My mother frowns in horror, and Brock smirks. How the heck does he find this amusing?
“Meredith!” I snap. “You need to go home now. That is not an appropriate thing to say.”
“But you said it first. Remember? When you were fighting with Brock and he told you he was going to drag you to the car?”
My mother turns to Brock in outrage. “You threatened her with violence?”
Brock rolls his eyes. “No. But Meredith is in danger of some any second now.”
“Tully is taking three weeks off to masturbate with all of her batteries,” Meredith tells them both. “Aren’t you, Tully?”