We don’t know her diagnosis, but we know she is somewhere on the spectrum. We have gotten used to her lack of brain-to-mouth filter, and underneath all of those highly inappropriate comments, there’s a young woman who is just doing the best she can. She’s a good person, and both Callie and I feel protective over her because we know how hard she has been done to over the years. We both feel that we are all Meredith has in her life now. There is a reason she met us.
Her mother is somewhere on the spectrum, too, which hasn’t helped the situation. Meredith had no guidance at all on what is appropriate to say out loud to people.
The three of us are currently at Bondi Beach. It’s 3:00 p. m. on a perfectly sunny Saturday. The beach is packed, and music is playing from the bar across the road.
“Are you a virgin, Meredith?” I ask, curious as to why she’s always wanting so much sex.
“No,” she answers casually.
Callie and I both sit up, resting on our elbows as we watch her. “Who did you have sex with?” I ask, surprised.
“Frank.”
“Who’s Frank?” Callie asks.
“He’s the cleaner of our building.”
My mouth falls open. “What the heck, Meredith?”
“But it’s a secret.”
“Why?”
“Because Frank has sort of got a girlfriend.”
Callie and I look at each other, shocked. “So, you slept with him when you knew he had a sort-of girlfriend?”
“Yep. In the broom closet, in the basement.”
“Meredith,” Callie groans. “You can’t sleep with someone when you know they have a girlfriend.”
“But his girlfriend is Peachy Sue. She doesn’t care.”
I curl my nose up. “Peachy Sue? Who is Peachy Sue?”
“She lives on level one.” Meredith smiles up at the sun, completely relaxed. “She sleeps with men for money.”
Callie and I look at each other again, our eyes getting wider and wider. “A prostitute lives downstairs?” I dare myself to ask Meredith.
“Yeah, and they call her Peachy Sue because her vagina is as soft as a peach. Frank says it’s juicy like a peach, too.”
I fall back on the sand, exasperated. “So, Frank fucked you because his girlfriend fucks other men.”
“That’s right.”
“Do you still fuck him?” Callie asks, fascinated.
“No.” She lies still for a moment. “I used to, a lot, but I’m not doing that anymore.”
“Why not?”
“Because he keeps ejaculating in my mouth and I don’t like the taste of it.”
A giggle bubbles up in my chest.
“I think I want to do what Peachy Sue does,” Meredith says.
“Why?”
“Because I’m horny all the time.”
“God, me, too.” I sit up and dust the sand from my legs and I put my hair up into a bun on the top of my head. “That damn gym junkie has ruined me. What I wouldn’t give to be…” My voice trails off. “I’m a sex-starved nympho.” I look out over the people swimming in the water. “My phone vibrating in my pocket nearly gives me an orgasm these days.”
“What’s a nympho?” Meredith asks.
“Someone who wants to have sex a lot,” I reply.
“Then I’m a sex-starved nympho, too,” she says seriously.
“Why don’t you just get a boyfriend, Meredith?” I ask.
She shrugs. “I don’t know anyone who wants to be my boyfriend.”
Callie looks at me quizzically, and I shrug back at her. We’ve been debating on whether or not to take her on a night out with us. We have no idea how she is going to handle social situations. The crazy thing is that you get used to her weirdness. It’s actually endearing.
“Maybe you should come out clubbing with us sometime,” Callie suggests casually.
Meredith’s eyes widen. “Could I?”
I smile. “Of course you can.” I think for a moment. “You can wear my clothes, and we will do your hair and stuff.” Because God knows, we can’t take her out in her own clothes.
“Will I find a boyfriend?” she asks.
I giggle. “Hopefully.”
Callie sits up with renewed vigour. “Come on, girls, let’s go. I’ve got an idea.”
“What?” I frown up at her.
“We’re going to the sex shop to buy some big, hardcore dildos.” She stands and flicks out her towel. “I’ve had enough with this being horny business. Let’s take this into our own hands… literally.”
Meredith’s eyes find mine. “What’s a hardcore dildo?”
Callie smiles mischievously. “Come on and I’ll show you.”
One hour later
Meredith frowns as she studies the huge dildo circling around and vibrating in her hand. “Are you sure that’s what you do with it?” she asks innocently.
“Oh, yes.” Callie smirks. “Completely sure.”
“You just stick it up there?” Meredith pushes it up in the air and frowns.
“Yes.” I smile. This is hilarious. “But you have to use lube, too.”
“Lube?”
“It’s a cream that you put on your vagina to make you wet. It means it doesn’t hurt and just slides right in.”
Meredith is completely fascinated as she watches the huge black dildo swirling in her hands. “I wish I knew about this before we went to the beach.”
“Why?” I ask.
“Because this would have been great to do on my towel.”
I put my hands over my face and laugh.
“God’s sake,” Callie snaps as she snatches it out of Meredith’s hands. “You don’t take it everywhere with you. It’s not a book.” She looks at me in disgust. “It’s for at home when you’re in bed.”
Meredith nods. “Okay. I get it.” She thinks for a moment. “Or for the broom closet.”
“Yes,” Callie says. “Private times only.”
We all get one and head to the counter where the cashier rings up our purchases. “Do you need batteries?” the cashier asks.
Meredith glances at Callie and me in question.
“Yes, please,” Callie answers.
I look at the packets of batteries on the counter. Screw it, I don’t want to run out in the middle of something. I pick up four packets for myself, and I hand the other two a packet each.
Meredith reads the instructions on the vibrator’s packaging, frowning when she then looks down at my four packets of batteries. “If you’re going to masturbate for three whole weeks, you need to take time off work,” she tells me loudly.
“Shh.” I look around the shop. I snatch my paper bag from the cashier and nearly run out of the shop doors.
I hear Callie laughing behind me. Buying this shit is always appalling, but buying dildos with Meredith is horrifying.
It’s midnight and I’m alone in the quiet of my bedroom. It’s this time of night that my mind plays tricks on me. I begin to overanalyse and think about things I shouldn’t be thinking about. Reaching over, I take my vibrator and lubricant out of my drawer. I turn the light off and I get comfortable in my bed.
I don’t let myself think about him in the daylight hours, but at night, in circumstances like this, I have no choice.
Brock.
Beautiful Brock.
It’s ironic really, the man who made me feel dirty is the very same man that I fantasise about when I’m alone.
His words have repeated over and over in my head a thousand times in the last six weeks.
“I know women’s bodies… You’re naturally submissive…”
I can see his face so clearly when he said it. I really don’t think he was trying to upset me, but why did he have to plant those thoughts in my mind at all?
Was he warning me?
What he giving me a message that he thought I needed to know?
“Vanilla, passive sex will never do it for you. It just won’t.”
I frown as I remember our conversation. I wish it hadn’t happened. I really do, because it’s planted a seed-an evil seed-that is growing and festering inside of me.
“You need to be taken and loved hard. You loved it, Tully? I know you did. You came so hard that you nearly snapped my dick off. Why don’t you just admit the truth to yourself?”
Was he right? For ten minutes, I lie in the silence and ponder his words. I’ve thought about them a lot. I wish I hadn’t been annoyed with him at the time for saying it. I could have asked him more questions. I could have got him to explain things to me.
Why did he feel the need to warn me about my own body? Am I that inexperienced that I don’t even know what I need? It’s all so confusing. I pick up the vibrator, put it under the blankets, and I open my legs.
I close my eyes and think of him.