Emily couldn’t help but feel the pressure of the decision she was making weight down on her so suddenly and compressing her chest. She laid on the bed, staring up at the ceiling as she trailed the tip of her finger over the shirt covering her stomach, drawing some mindless doodles around her stomach as she stared at nothing. Her mind drifting into the thoughtful clouds.
It was Kelvin’s child.
She was carrying the child of the man she had always long loved and cherished as though he was already hers and had always been. The man she had always wished to be close to more than anyone she had lived her entire life with.
The man she wanted to call a husband.
…. But why did it feel as though carrying his child was scary and uncomfortable?
Why did she feel scared and uneasy even though she was carrying the child of the man she was deeply in love with?
Why did she suddenly feel regret and guilt?
A sigh escaped her lips as she turned over to her side and glanced towards the windows this time. The sun was well up and a bright, clearly telling her it was nearly lunch hour and she hadn’t had her breakfast yet. Mostly because she just didn’t feel like it.
Her mother had come knocking on her door and asking why she wasn’t at the table and asking if she was okay. She simply told her mother that she was skipping breakfast simply because she was praying.
As though she was.
It was just a lie that her mother would eventually believe other than claiming she was on a diet or just didn’t feel like it.
Emily wasn’t one to skip breakfast and her mother knew that a little too well. In fact she didn’t love slipping any meal because she enjoyed the food overall. No further explanations needed.
But today, she felt too scared and nervous to have the appetite of the meal. Though she knew it was unhealthy for her to skip meals especially in her condition, she just really didn’t feel like it and the thought of it made her feel like vomiting. Not because of the morning sicknesses as described, but because of the fact that she was just too nervous.
She reached her hand over to her stomach once more and stroked it softly as a frown made its way to her lips. She sighed out, sitting up as she plastered her fingers over her shirt.
“I love you so much….” Her voice cracked as she stroked her stomach slightly. “And I would love you a lot more if you are born… But now is not the time…” She reached her free hand to her eyes as her tears threatened to fall from her shaking body. “You’re a bit too early… Just… Disappear for now and come back later… When everything is fine.” She cried as she covered both her hands against her face and brought her knees to her chest, now crying into her knees. “I’m scared that you’ll ruin a lot of things. I don’t hate you. I love you with all my heart but this isn’t the right time….”
“I’m very scared…” She whispered out, admitting to herself as she glanced towards the window. “Kelvin doesn’t seem to want to go through with my idea…. To be your father. He doesn’t feel the same way he did when he first met me. I don’t blame him though… I didn’t really show much care for how he felt but… Now I wish I did…” She sighed out shakily, drying away her tears as she bit onto her lower lip. “Your real father can’t claim you… Well he doesn’t know but he doesn’t need to. He doesn’t feel the same way about me and he’s a beta, someone everyone looks up to other than the alpha. He’s really sweet… And tall… He always smiles and always tries to make me laugh.” She chuckled slightly as she nodded to her own words.
Hardly realising she’s clearly talking to herself.
“He’s everything I’ve always dreamed of marrying.” She licked her bottom lip as she batted her eyelids quickly to dry them up with the air. “Everything you’d want to have in a dad too. I bet he’d love you.” She chuckled out as she patted her stomach while sitting properly on the bed, lowering her feet to the ground. “If you came a little later, maybe you would have been… No, maybe not. Jason doesn’t really feel the same way… I would have ended up marrying Kelvin… But Kelvin isn’t into the idea. We both aren’t but… I can’t do this without him. I’ve never needed him more than I do now and I feel as though I’m being too evil to him for forcing him to be with me…..”
“Am I… wrong?” She asked as she glanced down at her stomach. “…. Maybe I am. Maybe Kelvin wouldn’t be the only one angry at me but you too. You would feel betrayed by me for lying to you when you find out Kelvin isn’t your dad… You’d probably be in your late teens and then run away from me for being a bad mother and hiding who your dad truly is. But what will you do anyway? It’s not like you will understand why it had to be that way…. I don’t know. I’m I doing the right thing?” She asked herself once more only to sigh out as she chuckled out, standing from the bed. “I should really stop talking to myself like that.”
“Oh no, continue, it’s nice to listen to.” Emily jumped in shock at the sudden voice in the room, only to ease her shoulders when it was just Kelvin standing by the door.
“How long have you been standing there?” She asked as she walked towards the bathroom.
“Since the moment you started talking about you being scared.” He chuckled out only thin his lips when she smiled weakly at him before disappearing into the bathroom. He walked over to the bathroom door as she closed it softly and leaned against the wall beside it. Staring up at the ceiling as he heard the faucet open.
“You know. It’s okay to be scared.” Kelvin said out and knew she was listening. “I may not feel the same fear you do but I know you’re the most scared in case the truth gets revealed. Whether it’s now or eighteen years later, one day everything will be found out whether you like it or not. But don’t worry…. Everything will be okay, Emily.”