His eyes hold mine. “It wasn’t about the drugs.”
“I know it wasn’t. It was always about me working at the club.”
“I couldn’t stand the thought of Owen having to deal with the consequences of that.”
“So then you talk to me. You tell me what your feelings are and you ask me to leave in an adult fashion.”
He frowns as he listens.
“You don’t give me warnings to leave or else. You don’t just do whatever it takes to get your own way. That is not the way to handle things, Cameron. I know you are a strong man who always gets his way-”
“I don’t,” he interrupts.
I frown. Oh please. “Cam, you’ve had a blessed life. You have brains and you got into med school. You have good looks so you get the women. You have money so you never have to worry. You are in control of everything, and that’s just how you operate.”
He scowls.
I smile sadly. “And that’s great for you.” I swallow the lump in my throat. “But if we ever got back together, I know you would use that power again to control me eventually.”
“I wouldn’t.”
“You would.” I nod. “You don’t even know how you are.”
He shakes his head in disgust. “What are you talking about? How am I?
“You’re entitled.”
He sits back, clearly annoyed at my presumption. “That’s ridiculous. I am not.”
“Aren’t’ you?” I smile sarcastically. “What about right now, Cameron? You have decided that we should try again and you feel you are entitled to a second chance.”
His eyes hold mine.
“I don’t like that part of you, Cam. I will never like that part of you. It’s not how I’m going to live my life.”
He sits back as he watches me, inhaling slowly. He’s angry and wants to fight back, I can tell, but he’s using everything he can to not snap at me.
“You lied to me, too, Ashley. You didn’t tell me about Owen.”
“I was trying to get to know you first,” I whisper.
“I couldn’t trust you. You broke the trust first,” he whispers, annoyed. “And then you wouldn’t leave the club, even after I paid for your rent and offered you money…”
I watch him.
“What was I supposed to think?” he asks.
“Oh, I don’t know? Maybe that you can’t order everyone around and tell them what to do. How about I will let her leave in her own time if that’s what she wants?”
“This isn’t all about you, Ashley. I did that for Owen. Have you honestly stopped to think about the consequences if he grew up and it came out you had worked there?”
I frown.
“Think about it. Think long and hard. I did everything to protect Owen in the future, and I’m sorry I hurt you, but it was the only thing I could do that got you to leave immediately.”
I continue to watch him.
“You were starting to mix with these girls and asshole men who spike your drinks. What’s next? You slip a little coke to get through your next shift?”
I roll my eyes.
“Honestly, how long until they slipped some coke into your drink and talked you into one night in the Escape Lounge, and then another, and then another, and before you know it, you’re a full on, high class hooker?”
“It was never getting to that.”
“Every working girl says that in the beginning.”
“I did two lap dances, Cameron, and they were both for you.”
His hard eyes hold mine. “How did they get you into the lap dance uniform in the first place, before I even got there, Ashley?”
I frown harder.
“They convinced you it was a good idea. Just wear this for this shift and it will be fine. It’s how these clubs operate. They push you a little at a time. Without realizing it, your boundaries are being pushed further and further out, and because your co-worker friends are all doing it, it becomes the new norm.”
My stomach drops. He’s right, they did push my boundaries and I hadn’t even realized it. I swore I would never do half the things they got me to do.
“You go there, Cameron. You go there for the women. Do you know how it feels to be judged by you when you were going there for sex?”
He shakes his head and cups my face. “I cancelled my membership before the court case. I knew what a hypocrite I was being, but I had to do what I did to protect Owen.” He leans in and kisses my lips softly. “And I know you don’t see it like this, but I thought I was protecting you, too,” he whispers as his eyes search mine.
I stare at him through tears as a clusterfuck of emotions roll around in my messed up head.
“I didn’t take Owen, Ash. I admit that I was going to let him stay with me for a week, just to teach you a lesson. To teach you that there is more than yourself to consider.”
I frown.
“But I couldn’t do it…” he whispers.
My eyes hold his.
“I need you to forgive me and I fucking need you in my life,” he breathes. “I want you back.”
I swallow the lump in my throat.
“I haven’t been with anyone since you, Ash. I can’t stand the thought of being with another woman.”
My eyes search his. Oh God, I so want to believe him.
“How could I be with another woman when I left my heart with you?”
I close my eyes, and just like that he has broken down all my defences.
“Cameron,” I whisper.
He pulls my head to his and kisses my forehead.
“I just want a chance to make this right. I fucked up by not being there for you both when Owen was born. I know you’ve had it tough, Bloss. I know you resent me for not being around. And hell, you’ve done an amazing job with him on your own. He’s perfect.”
I can hardly see him through my tears, and I swallow down the painful lump in my throat.
“But, I’m the one who resents myself for every single day I missed out on Owen. I can’t get that time back no matter what I do.”
I wipe the tears from my eyes.
“And maybe that’s the reason I went batshit crazy, lost my mind and took it all the way to court.” He shrugs. “Maybe I resented the power that you had over my son. Maybe I resented the fact that I had absolutely no say in anything in his life thus far.”
God, what a mess.
“Cam.” I pause as I try to articulate my thoughts. “I can’t just jump back into a relationship with you.” I shake my head.
“I don’t want you to.”
My eyes search his. “Then what do you want?”
“I want you to forgive me. I want to be able to look you in the eye and not see you drag your eyes away from mine in disgust. I want us to start again fresh.”
I drop my head as his proposal runs through my mind.
He leans in and kisses my cheek, lifting my chin with his finger so that our eyes meet.
“I can’t promise you anything,” I whisper as my eyes search his.
“Just your forgiveness is enough, and at the end of it all, if we have nothing but friendship, that’ll be okay because at least we tried. I just can’t stand you hating me.”
He squeezes his hand in mine and his eyes glow softly. All I can do is nod and offer him a sad smile.
“So do you want to go back to my house and fuck now?” he asks matter-of-factly as he reaches to take a sip of his beer.
I choke on my drink. “Cameron,” I splutter. “You just completely wrecked that beautiful speech.”
He laughs and holds both of his hands up. “I’m joking. I’m joking.”
“You were not joking!” I hit him on the thigh.
He narrows his eyes. “You do have to admit that it would be fucking awesome, though. I’ve forgotten what sex feels like.”
I laugh out loud and shake my head.
“There will be no sex, Cameron.” I lift my drink in a toast and he puts his bottle of beer to meet my glass. “To friendship,” I say.
His eyes hold mine and he smiles that beautiful, cheeky smile. “To friendship, forgiveness, and new beginnings.”
Our eyes linger on each other’s, and it’s as if I am seeing the old Cameron for the first time in a long time.
I sip my cocktail as he tips his head back to drink his beer, his eyes never leaving mine. I can feel the smoulder from his gaze.
Dear God, he’s just so hot. Why does he have to be so hot?
It’s not fair.
And he hasn’t had sex since me, nine weeks ago. Holy hell, that’s going to be one hell of a sex session when it finally happens.
I wonder if he’s hard under the table right now?
Stop it, you sex maniac.
Maybe I should go…
Yes.
I should go and not be such a damn push over.
I’m not jumping back into his arms or his bed. I’m just moving forward, that’s all, and it doesn’t mean that we are automatically going to pick up where we left off. It just means that I’m not going to imagine ways of torturing him with various forms of pain now.
I point to the door with my thumb. “I should…” I pause. Jeez, I really don’t want to go, but I need to get away from him before he has me undressed and on my back in his bed. I already know that he will if I stay here and continue drinking with him. It’s a done deal.
My vagina would be completely ruined.
Hmm, wouldn’t that be something, though?
I get a vision of him above me, naked and hard, and I feel a throb of arousal between my legs. His eyes drop to my lips and I know he’s imagining the same thing as me.
“Why do you want to go, Bloss?” he whispers darkly.
My breath catches. Stop looking at me like that. I shrug as any form of intelligent reply escapes me.
“I… I should probably…” My voice trails off as I watch his tongue dart out to lick his bottom lip.
“You don’t trust yourself with me? Is that it?” he asks seductively.
I force myself to smile. “You, Cameron Stanton, have an inflated ego.”
He smirks.
“Do you really think I will beg to suck your cock?” I whisper.
He closes his eyes, puts his head back to the heavens, and groans. “Don’t even say that to me. I swear I’m about to blow.”
“Cameron.” I smirk. “We’re going home.”