I nod and drop my head as I let the disappointment sink in. Matt walks across the road and stands next to me silently, staring up the road where Cameron has disappeared.
“Was that your boyfriend?” he asks quietly.
I shake my head. “No.”
“Then why was he losing his shit?”
“It’s… complicated.”
“Want to go back inside?”
I blow out a deep breath. “Yeah, I guess.” I frown. “Matt, have you ever had the feeling that you may have just made the biggest mistake of your life?”
He smiles sarcastically. “Every hour, on the hour.”
Timing can make you or break you, and tonight I learned just how true that statement is.
It’s 4am when I slowly pull into my driveway. That was the longest shift in history. I had to stop myself from walking out at least ten times. Why did he have to come tonight, and why couldn’t he have handled it better?
Fuck. I’m so full of regrets right now, I can hardly see straight.
I hate that I need this crappy job, and my mind is weighing heavily on Cameron Stanton. I know I did the right thing by not leaving with him, but it doesn’t make me feel any better about it. The cold, hard truth is… he was there. He was there when he said he had been thinking about me all week, and after we made out yesterday. I know that, even if we did have any chance of working out, a long-term future with him is not on the cards. My first instinct was right. Once a player, always a player. He never lost his fucking phone in Vegas all those years ago and he probably slept with someone he picked up in the casino the very next night. Who was I kidding? I frown as I see the lights in our house are all on. What’s happening? Why is everything lit up? I quickly climb out of the car and head to the front door, but it opens before I put my key in. It’s Jenna. She’s been crying.
My face falls. “What’s wrong?”
She screws up her face. “Mom’s had a heart attack.”
“What? Oh, Jenna.”
She nods, unable to speak through her tears. I wrap her in my arms and hold her as she sobs. “Where is she?” I ask.
“At the hospital.”
“You need to go to her.”
She nods as she wipes her nose with a tissue. “Is that alright?”
“Of course it’s alright.”
“What will you do with Owie?” she whispers.
“It doesn’t matter. I’ll work something out.” I lead her into the kitchen, put the kettle on, and sit her at the table.
“What if she dies?” Jenna whispers.
I take her hand in mine and watch her for a minute. “Everything is going to be okay. Heart attacks aren’t always as bad as they sound.”
She puts her head into her hands and really starts to cry. What can I do to help her? I grab my laptop and go online in search of an airline ticket for her to fly home to Iowa. “There’s one here for tomorrow at ten in the morning. Will that be okay? That’s in about five hours from now.”
She shrugs.
“Let me check the other airlines to see if I can get one cheaper.” I continue to search, but eventually end up going back to the first flight I found.
Jenna finally falls into an exhausted sleep on the sofa, and I sit quietly at the
kitchen table as I try to work out what to do with the disaster that is my life.
I’ve lost Cameron, even though I never had him to begin with.
I now have no babysitter, which means I can’t work, which means I may now lose my internship.
The house is silent and dark, just like my options. I know I got myself into this life, but hell, it doesn’t make it any easier to cope with. It’s 6am and I plan to wait up to call work in an hour to tell them I won’t be in. I guess the worst thing of all is that it looks to Cameron that I am not going into work because of my fight with him last night. This timing sucks so badly.
What the hell am I going to say?
Oh, I can’t come in because I have no babysitter for a child that doesn’t exist. Or how about I can’t come in because I gave my boss a lap dance last night when I told him I was seeing my mother after we dry humped on his washing machine. Or maybe I made my boss blow in his pants last night and I refuse to pay for the dry cleaning bill.
I put my head into my hands. This is a fucking disaster.
“Hey.” Jenna smiles from the door.
I smile back. “There she is.” I stand and wrap her in my arms. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m okay. Thank you for last night.”
“We should go and get you packed.”
She nods. “Did you ring your mom?”
I shake my head. “No.”
“Why not?”
I shrug. “It’s all a bit too hard. I’ll have a couple of days off and then work something out from there.”
She watches me for a moment. “Why don’t you just ring your mom and offer to fly her out here for a week or two. I’m sure I will be back by then.”
I exhale slowly. I want to tell Jenna about Cameron and our fight, but now is not the time.
“Maybe.” I sigh.
“She won’t mind, and she can stay in my room.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
She watches me for a moment. “You okay?”
I smile sadly. “Yes. Of course. I’m just really tired.” I grab her hand in mine and squeeze it. “You should go pack. Owie and I will take you to the airport.”
She smiles, nods, and disappears up the stairs. I pick up the phone and stare at it for a moment. I love my mom with all of my heart. I love my mom, but things are a little strained between us-because of me, not her.
I guess I never got over the disappointment I saw in her eyes when I fell pregnant out of wedlock. She didn’t want me to have the baby and, although she has been amazing since Owen was born, it was like a fire in my belly was lit and I vowed to never rely on her for anything.
I especially don’t want to now.
I put the phone back down onto the kitchen table and head up to shower as I run over my options in my head. I’m so tired that the tears are just running out of my eyes as the hot water runs over my head. I keep seeing Cameron’s beautiful eyes looking up at me as I sat on his lap. The regret runs deep through my soul.
What could we have been if our timing had been different?
If we had met up after that weekend in Vegas five years ago, things could have been so different between us. I put my head in my hands as the tears flow. I need them to stop. I’m a mother now. With that, I lost the right for any romantic notions I ever had for myself.
But I can’t help it.
I feel it. I feel that pull towards him, and I so badly wanted to see where it could go.
I allow myself to cry for ten minutes and then I pick myself up and dust myself off.
That’s it now. Get on with it. I wipe my eyes and mentally prepare myself to toughen up. I need to stop with this sappy shit.
He’s gone.
I shower, dry, dress, and then go downstairs and dial Mom’s number. She answers on the first ring.
“Hello, Ash. What’s wrong?”
I smile and roll my eyes. “Hi, Mom.”
“Is Owie okay?”
“Yes, Owie is fine,” I reply. “Sorry to ring you so early.”
“Oh gosh, Ash, you scared me. I never hear from you at this hour.”
“I know, I’m sorry. Jenna’s mom had a heart attack.”
“Oh no.” She gasps. “Is she okay?”
I nod. “Hopefully.” I shrug. “They are doing more testing to today.”
“Is Jenna going home?”
“Yeah.” I hesitate, this is the part I hate-the asking for help bit.
“What are you going to do with Owie while you work Ash?” she asks.
“I’m kind of stuck, Mom.”
“Oh-”
I cut her off. “I was wondering, if I bought you an airline ticket, would you be able to come over here for a week or two and help me out with Owen?”
“Of course, love.”
I smile. “Really?”
“Of course I can. I would love to get to spend some time with the both of you.”
I close my eyes as they fill with tears again. “Thank you, Mom. It means so much.”
“I’m going to the doctors first thing this morning for my blood tests and then I will call you later and we can arrange flights.”
For the first time in ten hours I feel optimistic. “That’s great. Thanks, Mom. Love you.”
“I love you, too, Ash. Speak soon.”
At 7am sharp, I ring the hospital. I know Cameron does his hospital rounds at seven on the dot and that there is absolutely no chance at all that he will be the one to answer the phone.
“Hello, surgery,” the female voice answers. I frown as I try to remember the girl’s name. Shit, what is it?
“Hello, this is Ashley Tucker. I’m one of Dr. Stanton’s interns.”
“Yes, hello, Ashley,” the kind voice replies.
I scrunch up my face. I really don’t want to do this. “There’s been a family emergency and I won’t be in for a few days.”
“Oh dear. I hope everything is okay.”
I nod. “Me, too.” I pause for a moment. “Would you please be able to give Dr. Stanton a message for me?”
“Yes, of course.”
I think quickly. It’s Wednesday now, so if I fly Mom in on Thursday or Friday, I will be good to go again on Monday. “Can you just tell him that I had an emergency and I won’t be in until Monday?”
“Sure.”
“Can you please tell him that I will be taking the days without pay?”
“Ashley, that won’t be necessary. You’re entitled to sick days.”
“I’m not sick,” I reply. “I’m just unable to help it that’s all, but I want him to know that I am not sick.”
“Okay,” she answers. I know what she’s thinking: This chick is wacko.
“Just… tell him that I will definitely be in on Monday.”
“Okay. Good luck. I hope everything works out well.”
“Thank you.”