Oh Eion, being the curious robot… Changing my voice into a drunk one, I said, “Because I just want to!” I added a drunken slurp for effect.
I don’t know if I did convince him since I was not drunk before, not ever, so I don’t know what it’s like and I’m just basing on the movies.
He seemed to be convinced as he asked, “Are you drunk?”
Smirking, I giggled, just to add effect. At least my plan is kinda working… I think.
“Now teach me some Filipino words!” I demanded.
“No. Bye.” I gasped at his rejection. Ouch. I didn’t care before since it was fun irritating him and all but this time, I just can’t take it.
“But-” I tried to reason out but he’s fast to reject. He’s Eion after all.
“No. End of the conversation.”
I sighed, my eyes starting to glisten in tears. “Eion. I am not in a mood to have an argument, it’s just- I needed someone to talk to.” I hiccuped. “Just tonight, can we please be practically friends?”
I thought he had hung up already but I could still hear his deep breathing. For a minute we just stayed silent. I took it as a chance to continue.
“I thought I already agreed to that deal long ago, didn’t I? ” He spoke up.
“What?” I furrowed my eyebrows.
“What if we will have a deal? I will stop bugging you, ask personal things or be nosy, and I will try not to irritate you. But, you will have to be nice to me, you’ll answer what I’ll ask, but if you don’t want to answer then don’t. In short, we are practically friends,” He narrated like he was reading a script.
I gawked. He just said the exact same words I said to him back at the shop… didn’t he? Those words of wickedness I made and the deal. Did he really remember that?
I stopped to pause, my face reddening, “But I feel bad about that, making a deal when you’re drunk, like taking advantage of you. So it was just fifty percent serious for me… I thought you’ll forget or regret or kill me for that since you hate me.”
I’m so bad! Now I hate myself.
No, I despise myself! I mean, I really can’t blame Eion. If I am someone else, I would even hate myself. It was even a miracle for him to stand my attitude. And also, for me, it was a miracle for me to stand up to his attitude, so I guess we’re fair then.
“Who said I hate you? I just don’t like you. Hate is a different matter.” My eyes bulged out of its sockets. Is he… what is happening!
“Really?” I asked expectantly.
He sighed. “What else could I be talking to you now?”
Is it really Eion I am talking to? Now that I think about it, anyone who dares to make a conversation with him in class is instantly put down by him without even letting them finish a sentence.
Let alone talk to me and even reply to me… If I could compare his treatment to me from the others, I think I should consider myself to be lucky, reaching this point of ‘friendship’ with him.
The corners of my lips turned upward, grinning so wide. “Wow, all along I thought you did… hate me.” I shook my head, “You should have said it sooner.”
“If I did, would you stop pestering me?”
I just stayed silent. No comment there…
Silence passed when he broke it, “Now what do you want from me?” He demanded.
I paused, smiling sheepishly even though he couldn’t see me, “Well, I just wanted to talk to someone…”
“I’ve been through hell with you always pestering me. Do I have a choice?” I could picture him shaking his head, I couldn’t argue with him now.
“It’s my father’s death anniversary…” I trailed off, hiccupping. The other line was silent, so I continued. “I really miss him…” I chuckled bitterly. “He was a good man. A loving and sweet father. I look up to him. when I was a kid I saw him as a hero.”
“Such a daddy’s girl…” He commented.
“Well, yeah. And you are mama’s boy.” I chuckled. “I remember him scaring off guys who will get near me. He was my protector. My savior.
But then a stupid business meeting came, he was so needed there that he drove faster and….” I can’t even finish the sentence. Tears and tears gushed in my eyes like waterfalls.
“Damn it! The memories are still fresh.” Everything was still last year. I can’t even… it took all of my strength to stop myself from breaking down at this moment. I mean, I don’t want to. I can, but I don’t want to.
He’ll witness me breaking down, he’ll witness my weakness. And that’s the last thing I want right now.
I breathe in and out to calm myself down, I gulped. “I know it’s weird to hear since we barely get along…” I paused, still fighting back the tears and continuously wiping my eyes. Stop, stop, stop!
He didn’t reply. I had an involuntary hiccup. No, I can’t do it anymore. I thought this would be gone once I do something, like annoying him… I guess not.
I pressed to end the call and let my tears free, escaping from my eyes.
I rocked myself back and forth, comforting myself. I stayed like that for a minute when my phone rang. I glanced at it and saw it was Eion calling me. I shrugged it off and laid on my bed, staring blankly at my ceiling.
I’ll just sleep this. This feeling will go away soon.
As I closed my eyes, Eion’s name appeared again on my phone. I ignored it again. But he was persistent, not stopping but I am also determined not to answer.
Maybe he saw through me, maybe he saw through my facade that he took it as a chance to bug me or maybe irritate me to get even. After five more minutes or so I had enough.
I huffed angrily. “What do you-”
“You’re crying.” He said without letting me continue my sentence. I paused. It wasn’t a question.
“I’m not.” I denied it. No, I won’t let him know. It was stupid of me to think he wouldn’t notice through my drunk facade. He’s smarter than I think he is.
“My mom died of breast cancer.” He said in his usual voice, almost casually, his tone not faltering, there was no hint of any breaking down.
I furrowed my eyebrows. What is he saying? Why is he saying that to me? His opening up to me? Why now when I’m not in the mood to annoy him?
“I guess you’re right when you said we’re the same…You lost your dad. I lost my mom.” He continued, saying it so casually like it’s a normal thing when it’s such a big deal to me. But I can’t help but admire how he said it so casually.
My angriness suddenly vanished like a bubble. I’m not assuming or anything but, is he sympathizing with me? Is he calling me weak?
“What’s the secret?” I can’t help but ask.
“To what?”
I tried to curl my hair out of habit, “That…” I pointed out. “You, speaking about it calmly.”
He cleared his throat. “I’m used to it. And mine happened years ago…”
Years ago? I chuckled bitterly. I see…
“So that must be the reason why you are like that?” I inquired.
“Like what?”
“Rude, cold, and distant.” I counted off.
“That’s harsh, I’ll hang up.”
“Says someone who is that harsh.” I retorted, rolling my eyes. Somehow, my mood is getting lighter.
“And no! Please… stay.” I couldn’t help but say.
Stay, please…
I don’t want to sound so desperate. But now I want to talk to someone… someone that’s not my family, even just through a phone.
I don’t want them to see me crying. I want them to see me as strong. If I could, I would be the father figure for Nathan…
“Okay,” Eion said.
Silence reigned. There’s so much left unspoken, lingering in the air. And yet, I find myself being comfortable with this. It made me breathe.
It gave me space. His breathing was the only thing that’s telling me that he’s still there.
But I have to continue the conversation. “I have this question…”
I paused for his confirmation. He just grunted in reply and I continued.
“Since the first time we met. Why? Why do you always mask your expression?” It was a stupid question, yet so deep and so, so personal.
I thought he wouldn’t answer me. But he did.
“It’s just…too tiring.”