The ambiance is thick and so is the breath they are gulping. Estrella paused for some minutes, unmoving. Her eyes stationed on Sia’s face.
How? How must it have been for Sia?
How was she able to endure the pains of losing her child?
So many ‘hows’ riveted in Estrella’s mind. So many questions she wants to ask. But she wants to hear the story first. Before Sia began Estrella asked the most pertinent question.
“Was Lucas aware you had a baby?”
Sia pulled her head heavenward, letting the tears slip down from the corners of her eyes.
“No. He isn’t.” She croaked. “I wasn’t aware I was pregnant the day he broke up with me.”
Estrella gasped. A figment of images floated in her mind. She pictured Sia with a baby stuck in her womb while she was unaware and Lucas spilling those harsh words, breaking up with her.
She pictured the shattered look on Sia’s face and wondered what would have happened to the child if Sia welcomed suicidal thoughts.
That means two lives would have been lost.
Two innocent lives.
There’s the fire story and now there’s the baby story.
Sia’s life is a jumble of events. And sorrowful events at that.
“Days after we broke up I felt signs of pregnancy. Weeks and months passed, my stomach bloated and by the ninth month I gave birth.” She brushed her palm on her face, hastily.
“We were in a shank where we sleep after losing our house in the slum. The labor pains began clawing in my stomach. The baby was kicking and I was wailing. I tossed around, willing the pains to stop. I clenched my fist and pursed my lips in a harsh line, pleading for it to stop. It didn’t and suddenly all I saw was water. It drenched my cloth and brimmed the floor where I was. Scared, I shouted and someone came in hastily.”
“Sia!”
“The baby. The baby.”
Her words before Celine instructed her to spread her legs and push rushed back into her mind.
“With all my strength I pushed, despite not eating something tangible for days. I only survived in a bun and a cup of milk. It was my everyday meal.”
“Oh, shit!” Estrella exclaimed and pinned her head on the steering wheel, tears flowing down her eyes.
The information is too much. The horrible scene is taking root in her mind, putting her mental health in shambles.
When looking at Sia, no one can tell the horrors she passed through. You can easily categorize her as someone born into wealth but when you look deep, smell her past or hear her story you’ll know it’s more than it meets the eye.
Estrella’s no different. When Sia told her for the first time that she’s Mr. Monson’s wife back at Stanford Estrella viewed her differently. Like someone born with a silver platter.
But now the ideas, and the views are turning around. Taking a different shape.
Sniffling, Sia continued. “I pushed and the baby came out. I heard its cries and it was melodious. But I was too weak to speak. I was too weak to even carry the baby. I haven’t eaten something tangible before I went into labor. So imagine how weak I’d be. How tired I’d be. I couldn’t hold it.”
Tears rippled down and slid into her mouth. “Suddenly the cries died and the baby died. I lost my ray of hope. I lost a reason to move on.”
Estrella hefted from the wheel and clamped Sia in a tight cuddle, aiming to tear her heart out and wash away the sorrow embedded beneath the silky skin of this potent woman.
“Days, weeks, and months I slumped into postnatal depression. My breast milk kept flowing, wetting my shirt. There’s no baby to suck it. My breast felt heavy I couldn’t handle it. The only baggy shirt I had was drenched every day. The depression didn’t subside it only worsened.”
“Sia.” Estrella couldn’t string words together, only yelp gushed from her lips.
Stroking Sia’a hair, she asked. “And all those periods Lucas never knew? Even now, does he know you both had a little life that would have survived if you were together? A life that he’d derived joy from?”
“Lucas never came for me. Lucas didn’t come back to me.” She exclaimed in between tears. “I cried alone. I wept alone. I mourned alone. I suffered alone. I faced depression alone. He wasn’t there to help me. He never came to look for me. He left me.”
Estrella could see the desperation in Sia’s words. Even building a wall in her chest the thoughts about Lucas break the wall piece by piece. She could see Sia’s yearning for him.
How she desperately wants her man to be her companion. The one whom she faces these problems with. She could see it. Even now.
“Sia, look at me.” Estrella said, cupping her cheeks. She turned Sia’s face to hers and sputtered. “Sia, he has to know. He should know you both had a child. You both had a baby. He might not be aware of the baby that’s why he didn’t come. He needs to know…”
“Stop it. Stop it. I’ll never tell him that. It’s dead and it’s gone. Forever.” Sia gushed.
“Sia, you still love him. I can see it in your eyes. You still love Lucas…”
“No! I don’t love him!” Sia cried out.
“But you let him touch you. Sia, you do love him…”
“Please stop!” Sia said in between tears. “Stop it please.”
“Okay…” Estrella wiped her eyes and focused on the steering.
“Don’t ever tell him about this. I don’t want him to ever know about this baby.” Sia pled.
“Sure. You’ve my word.” Estrella whispered and brought the engine to life. Putting the car in reverse, they drove outta the shop.
**
“Uncle!” The girls shouted when they saw Lucas limping into the orphanage. Smiles blossomed on Lucas’s face and his heart heaved with joy.
He stroke the girls’ hair as they clung to his legs. “How are you, kids?” He asked, gleefully.
“Yay! Uncle come let me show you.” Nica held one of his hands and Abbey held the other as they walked him into the orphanage.
“See, we got a cake for the chaperone.” They exclaimed, making Lucas’s eyes dilate in shock.
He now remembered when they whispered something in his ear some time ago and he gave them money.
“So you raised money to buy a cake for your chaperone?”
“I’m so surprised. These girls keep amazing me.” The chaperone chimed in, beaming.
“Big lady bought it for us when we went to buy the cake. ” Abbey said.
“Yes. Big lady cries a lot. But she didn’t cry today and she bought us a cake.” Nica verbalized hastily.
“Wow. I’d love to see the big lady.” Lucas said, laughing.
“She’s pretty. And her hair is like mine.” Nica said.
When Lucas’s eyes fell on her hair all he could see is Sia’s hair.
“I see. If she has your kind of hair then she’s pretty.” Lucas hummed pinching her cheeks.
“Yay! Uncle just called me pretty,” Nica exclaimed, running around.
“They are so funny.” He said to the chaperone. “Oh, and happy birthday.” He said to the lady and she smiled.
Looking back at the girls Lucas’s heart swelled with joy.
‘I wish I had a baby.’ He said to himself as he watches the girls play with their LEGO.