HAYDEN
The cry of a crow sounds in the distance, a peaceful song that sings to my soul.
There’s no mistaking that I belong in the country. My return has only cemented how much I love my lifestyle.
If only . . .
This rocking chair has become my best friend.
When things get too much, which is often, rocking keeps me sane. Just like a baby, it soothes me until I feel better. In slow motion, the gentle rays of gold disappear over the mountain as the sun sets.
Six weeks without him.
Without a kiss, a hug, a private joke . . . love.
And some days fly by while on others I feel like I can hardly breathe.
Barely clinging to life.
I dial the number, and I wait. The voice recording answers.
The mobile phone you have called is switched off.
“Where are you, Eddie?”
I’m getting worried. I haven’t heard from him for a couple of weeks now. We take turns calling each other, and it’s his turn . . . but he hasn’t called, and now he’s not answering.
It’s so unlike him. I can almost set my clock to the minute by how reliable his calls are.
I hope he’s okay.
He is. Stop overthinking it.
Darkness falls, and the warm breeze blows over me, whipping my hair about my face and bringing a million beautiful memories home. I smile at the thought of my beautiful Christopher. I don’t regret for a single moment falling in love with him, because now I know how it feels to be in heaven, when just for a while . . . he was mine.
I lean back in my rocking chair and pull the knit blanket over my legs as I relax into the night.
If only . . .
Ten days later
The plane touches down in Barcelona, and I watch the tarmac speed by through the window. I haven’t been able to reach Eddie, and I’m really beginning to worry. I know that surely there’s a reasonable excuse for why he’s not answering his phone, but I can’t relax until I’ve checked on him.
And besides, I needed an excuse to get out of town. The farm is making me feel claustrophobic.
Honestly, I don’t know where the fuck I’m supposed to be at the moment. Everywhere feels wrong, and I’m hoping distance will give me some clarity.
I haven’t started working again yet. Every time I go to commit to a position, something holds me back, and it’s ridiculous, because I really need to get my shit together. I’m twenty-six, and I don’t even have a job.
Ugh . . .
I’m trying to be kind to myself. Once I’m over this heartbreak, things will be different, I’m sure.
I go through the motions and get off the plane, collect my luggage, and catch an Uber to the hostel, and as the car pulls up to the curb, I look out through the window in wonder. A million beautiful memories come flooding in.
There it is . . .
The hostel where we met.
The driver gets out of the car, interrupting my thoughts, and I tentatively get out.
I wasn’t expecting this place to bring back so much emotion.
“Here you go, miss.” The driver puts my suitcase down on the sidewalk.
“Thank you.”
“Have a good night.”
“You too.”
He gets in and drives off, and I stand and stare at the hostel building. I don’t even know if I want to go in now. Is being here going to undo all the healing I’ve been going through? Too bad . . .
I need closure. Just go in.
I wheel my suitcase in and up to reception. It’s just before 10:00 p. m., and I know reception closes soon. The desk is unattended. “Hello,” I call.
I can hear music and laughter coming from the bar area, and I smile. Nothing has changed around here.
“Coming,” a female voice calls from the back office.
I wait patiently, and she eventually comes into view. “Sorry, I was on the phone.” She smiles. She’s new; I haven’t seen her before.
“That’s okay. I have a booking in the name Hayden Whitmore.”
“Sure.” She types into her computer. “Okay, you’re in a private room for a week?”
“Yes.”
She goes about scanning the keys and whatnot, and I look around at the familiar surroundings. There’s no denying that this place makes me feel better.
“Actually, can you extend that booking to two weeks if possible?” I ask.
“Let me look.” She types again. “Yeah, that’s fine.” She passes my key over. “Have you stayed with us before?”
“Yes.” I smile.
“Great. You’re on the top floor, room two oh nine. Take the stairs at the back of the corridor. The elevator is broken.”
That damn elevator has never worked since I first came here over a year ago.
“Thank you. Do you know if Eddie is working in the bar tonight?” I ask her.
“No idea, sorry,” she replies. “I’ve been too swamped. I haven’t even been out there.”
“Okay, thanks.”
I walk up the corridor and lug my bag up the two flights of stairs as I smile to myself. Can’t complain about the service at backpackers’ hostels, because there is none.
I trudge up the corridor, find my room, and open the door. There’s a double bed and a bedside table and a sink with a mirror over the top of it. It’s clean and neat. I wish there were en suite rooms left. Oh well. It will be fine. “This will do nicely.” I put my bag down and wash my face and put my hair into a high ponytail.
I change into a cool summer dress and make my way downstairs to the bar.
The music is loud, and people are dancing. Party lights are strung over the courtyard, and the place is pumping.
“Hey, baby.” Some guy smiles as he looks me up and down. “Where you going?”
“Hi.” I fake a smile and keep walking as I look for Eddie. Ugh . . . nowhere with you. I push through the crowd, and then I see him. He’s serving a big group of guys, and he glances up. His face lights up, and without missing a beat, he runs out from behind the bar and nearly knocks me off my feet as he grabs me. “Hazen.” He hugs me so tight. “You came back.”
I laugh. “Of course I came back. I’ve been so worried. Why aren’t you answering your phone?” I ask him.
His face falls. “It got stolen.”
“Oh . . . baby.” I can see how disappointed he is. “That’s okay. You’ll get another one soon.” He seems to be giant now. “Have you grown six inches?” I laugh.
“Little bit.”
I hold him at arm’s length as I look him up and down. “Thank god you’re okay.”
He smiles goofily down at me. He’s taller than me now.
“Look how handsome you are.” I smile proudly.
He puts his arm around me, keeping me close. “Are you staying here?”
“Yes. You go back to work, and I’ll see you later.”
“You’re not leaving, are you? Sit at the bar, and I’ll get you a drink,” he says hopefully as he pulls me out a stool at the end of the bar.
“Okay.” I smile as I sink into the seat.
Eddie runs back behind the bar, makes me a drink, and puts it down in front of me. “Thank you.”
“I finish at one,” he tells me.
“I’ll be in bed long before one, bubba.”
He smiles goofily at me.
“What?”
“You called me bubba.”
I swoon at the cuteness of this boy. “Of course I called you bubba. You are a bubba.”
He laughs and goes back to serving. I pick up my drink and take a sip. I glance up and lock eyes with Christopher. He’s sitting at the other end of the bar.
What?
We stare at each other, and he gives me a slow, sexy smile.
My heart somersaults in my chest as if in slow motion. He gets up and walks over to me.
“Grumps.” He smiles softly.
“Hi.”
He leans down and hugs me, and I close my eyes against his big strong shoulder. His aftershave wafts around me.
I miss him.