“You can do this, Christopher.” She squeezes my hand in hers. “I know you can, but you need to know that it’s okay if you fail.”
No. It’s not.
I get a lump in my throat.
“Loving someone is frightening; I know that,” she whispers. “But one day, you will have to give control over to someone. The only decision you have to make now is . . . Is this particular girl going to be the one you trust with your heart, or is she going to be the one who got away?”
Hayden.
My eyes well with tears.
My mother passes me the book. “Take this home, sweetheart, and read it. Study it. Better still, go and see a therapist. I don’t want to see you break your own heart.”
“It’s too late.” I sigh sadly. “She’s gone.”
HAYDEN
I sit on the bench seat outside our hostel. I glance at my watch. Where is he? I start work in an hour. He’s usually here by now.
I wait for another ten minutes, and then finally I look up the street and catch sight of him and wave. Big beautiful brown eyes smile back at me. “Hello, Miss Hazen.”
“Hi, Eddie.” I hold my breath. “Did he call?”
Eddie’s face falls, and he shakes his head. “No.”
My heart sinks.
It’s been eight days since Christopher left, and damn it.
I got it wrong.
He’s not coming back.
He stopped calling Eddie four days ago, and now Eddie is just as sad as me.
Which is sad, really sad.
The others all left for Germany on Monday. I couldn’t bring myself to go with them. What if he comes back and I’m not here? Even if it is only to say goodbye.
I hope he’s okay.
The thing is, I know that he cares. I get a lot of things wrong, but I haven’t imagined the feelings between us. All along, I knew he was fucked up. I guess I didn’t realize how badly.
I’ve overanalyzed this until I’ve nearly driven myself insane.
And I’ve come to the only conclusion there is. Maybe my body just wasn’t enough for him. I’ve seen the girls he hooks up with, and I’m not even in their stratosphere. Maybe he got a taste of what I’m not and decided to run for the hills.
The thought is depressing, reality is depressing, and here I am on the other side of the world, and all I want is a hug from my mom.
Eddie walks me to the bus stop, and we wait silently, both lost in our own thoughts.
“What time do you finish work tonight?” he asks me.
“Eight.”
“I can’t pick you up at that time. I’m still working.”
“That’s okay.” I smile and put my arm around my sweet little bouncer. He’s taken Christopher’s place as my personal bodyguard, coming to collect me when I’m working late. “It’s hardly even dark then. I’ll be fine.”
The bus pulls up, and I kiss his cheek. “Thanks for walking me to the bus stop.” I smile. “Have fun at work.”
“I won’t.” He rolls his eyes. “You too.”
“I most definitely won’t either.” I climb on the bus and take a seat and wave as we drive away.
I love Eddie.
Four hours later
I clear up table nine and wipe it down. I collect all the dishes and put them onto the tray, and I turn to go back to the kitchen, and I stop on the spot.
Christopher is standing at the front of the restaurant; his big eyes search mine.
I smile softly, and so does he. He walks toward me, and I put the tray of plates down and walk toward him.
“Hi,” he whispers as he takes me into his arms.
Emotion overwhelms me. “Took your sweet time,” I whisper.
“Trust me, it was anything but sweet.” He kisses me softly, and his lips linger over mine.
“What have you got to say for yourself?”
He gives me a big beautiful smile. “Let’s fucking do this.”